A woman with toothache went to the dentist. Her tooth was beyond savage and need to be extracted. Patient: Doctor, I am very nervous. You know, this is my first extraction. Young dentist: Don’t worry, it’s my first extraction too.
Teeth Extraction
Teeth
Benefits of Being a Woman
We got off the Titanic first.
We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.
We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we crash our computers.
Our boy friend’s clothes make us look elfin and gorgeous – guys look like complete idiots in ours.
We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.
We can cry and get off speeding fines.
We’ve never lusted after a cartoon character or the central figure in a computer game.
Taxis stop for us.
Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.
We don’t look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
Free drinks. Free dinners. Free movies (you get the picture).
We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we’re gay.
We can hug our friends without wondering if WE are gay.
We know The Truth about whether size matters.
New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life.
If we have sex with someone and don’t call them the next day, we’re not the devil.
If we’re not making enough money we can blame the glass ceiling.
Nothing crucial can be cut off with one clean sweep (Ouch)
It’s possible to live our whole lives without taking a group shower.
No fashion faux pas we make could rival The Speedo.
We don’t have to fart to amuse ourselves.
If we cheat on our spouse, people assume it’s because we’re being emotionally neglected.
If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her butt.
If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it.
We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
If we’re dumb, some people will still find it cute.
We don’t have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to socially fit in.
We have the ability to dress ourselves – and coordinate.
We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked. (Weeeeeelllll…..that depends!)
Our friends won’t think we’re weird if we ask whether there’s spinach in our teeth.
There are times when chocolate really can solve your problems.
Gay waiters don’t make us uncomfortable.
We’ll never regret piercing our ears.
We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.
We know which glass was ours by the lipstick mark.
When we buy a vibrator it is glamorous. When men buy a blow up doll it’s pathetic.
We’ll never discover we’ve been dumped by a Wonderbra.
If we marry someone 20 years younger, we’re aware that we look like an idiot.
The Virgin
It’s your first time. As you lie back your muscles tighten. You put him off for awhile searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed as he approaches you. He asks if you’re afraid and you shake your head bravely.
He has had more experience, but it’s the first time his finger has found the right place. He probes deeply and you shiver; your body tenses; but he’s gentle like he promised he’d be. He looks deeply within your eyes and tells you to trust him– he’s done this many times before.
His cool smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him more room for an easy entrance. You begin to lead and beg him to hurry, but he slowly takes his time, wanting to cause you as little pain as possible. As he presses closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give way; pain surges throughout your body and you feel the slight trickle of blood as he continues.
He looks at you concerned and asks you if it’s too painful. Your eyes are filled with tears but you shake you head and nod for him to go on. He begins moving in and out with skill but you are now too numb to feel him within you.
After a few frenzied moments, you feel something bursting within you and he pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad to have it over. He looks at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a chuckle; that you have been his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience.
You smile and thank your dentist. After all, it was your first time to have a tooth pulled.
The Dentist
A guy and a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl’s place.
A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands. He then takes of his trousers and washes his hands again.
The girl has been watching him and says, “You must be a dentist.”
The guy, surprised, says “Yes! How did you figure that out?”
“Easy,” she replied, “you keep washing your hands.”
One thing led to another and they make love. After they have done, the girl says, “You must be a good dentist.”
The guy, now with a boosted ego says, “Sure, I’m a good dentist, How did you figure that out?”
“Didn’t feel a thing!”
No Novacaine Please
A woman and her husband interrupted their vacation to go to the dentist. “I want a tooth pulled, and I don’t want Novacaine because I’m in a big hurry,” the woman said. “Just extract the tooth as quickly as possible,and we’ll be on our way.”
The dentist was quite impressed. “You’re certainly a courageous woman,” he said. “Which tooth is it?”
The woman turned to her husband and said, “Show him your tooth, dear.”
Problems, Problems, Problems
A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem they had never before shared with anyone, not even each other.
The Groom-to-be, overcoming his fear, decided to ask his father for advice. “Father,” he said, “I am deeply concerned about the success of my marriage.”
His father replied, “Don’t you love this girl?” “Oh yes, very much,” he said,” but you see, I have very smelly feet, and I’m afraid that my fiance will be put off by them.”
“No problem,” said dad, “all you have to do is wash your feet as often as possible,and always wear socks, even to bed.” Well, to him this seemed a workable solution.
The bride-to-be, overcoming her fear, decided to take her problem up with her mom.” Mom,” she said, “When I wake up in the morning my breath is truly awful.”
“Honey,” her mother consoled, “everyone has bad breath in the morning.” “No, you don’t understand,. My morning breath is so bad, I’m afraid that my fiance will not want to sleep in the same room with me.”
Her mother said simply, “Try this. In the morning, get straight out of bed, and head for the kitchen and make breakfast. While the family is busy eating, move on to the bathroom and brush your teeth. The key is, not to say a word until you’ve brushed your teeth.”
“I shouldn’t say good morning or anything?” the daughter asked.
“Not a word,” her mother affirmed.
“Well, it’s certainly worth a try,” she thought.
The loving couple were finally married. Not forgetting the advice each had received, he with his perpetual socks and she with her morning silence, they managed quite well. That is, until about six months later. Shortly before dawn one morning, the husband wakes with a start to find that one of his socks had come off. Fearful of the consequences, he frantically searches the bed. This, of course, wakes his bride and without thinking, she asks, “What on earth are you doing?”
“Oh, my,” he replies, “you’ve swallowed my sock!”
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