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Taxi

Japanese Travel to New York

Jun 6, 2021

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There was a Japanese man who went to New York for sightseeing. On the last day, he hailed a taxi and told the driver to drive to the airport.

During the journey, a Honda Civic drove past the taxi. Thereupon, the Japanese man told the taxi driver. “Honda, very fast! Made in Japan!”

After a while, a Toyota Camry sped past the taxi. Again the Japanese man told the taxi driver. “Toyota, very fast! Made in Japan!”

And then a Mitsubishi Lancer sped past the taxi. For the third time, the Japanese man told the taxi driver. “Mitsubishi, very fast! Made in Japan!”

Finally the taxi reach the airport. The fare shown on the meter was US$300. The Japanese exclaimed, “Wah… so expensive!”. Thereupon, the taxi driver said. “Meter, very fast! Made in Japan!”

Back So Soon

Jun 6, 2021

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A man walks into the front door of a bar. He is obviously drunk, and staggers up to the bar, seats himself on a stool and, with a belch, asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender politely informs the man that it appears that he has already had plenty to drink, he could not be served additional liquor at this bar, and could a cab be called for him?

The drunk is briefly surprised, then softly scoffs, grumbles, climbs down off the bar stool and staggers out the front door. A few minutes later, the same drunk stumbles in the SIDE door of the bar. He wobbles up to the bar and hollers for a drink. The bartender comes over and, still politely – but more firmly, refuses service to the man due to his inebriation, and again offers to call a cab. The drunk looks at the bartender for a moment angrily, curses, and shows himself out the side door, all the while grumbling and shaking his head.

A few minutes later, the same drunk bursts in through the BACK door of the bar. He plops himself up on a bar stool, gathers his wits and belligerently orders a drink. The bartender comes over and emphatically reminds the man that he is clearly drunk, will be served no drinks, and either a cab or the police will be called immediately.

The surprised drunk looks at the bartender, and in hopeless anguish, cries “MAAAN! How many bars do you work at?

Big Chief Forget-me Not

Jun 5, 2021

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An Australian travel writer touring Canada was checking out of the Vancouver Hilton, and as he paid his bill said to the manager, “By the way, what’s with the Indian chief sitting in the lobby? He’s been there ever since I arrived.”

“Oh that’s ‘Big Chief Forget-me Not’,” said the manager. “The hotel is built on an Indian reservation, and part of the agreement is to allow the chief free use of the premises for the rest of his life. He is known as ‘Big Chief Forget-me Not’ because of his phenomenal memory. He is 92 and can remember the slightest details of his life.”

The travel writer took this in, and as he was waiting for his cab decided to put the chief’s memory to the test.

“G’dye, myte!” said the Aussie, receiving only a slight nod in return. “What did you have for breakfast on your 21st birthday?”

“Eggs,” was the chief’s instant reply, without even looking up, and indeed the Aussie was impressed.

He went off on his travel writing itinerary, right across to the east coast and back, telling others of Big Chief Forget-Me-Not’s great memory. (One local noted to him that ‘How’ was a more appropriate greeting for an Indian chief than ‘G’dye myte.’

On his return to the Vancouver Hilton six months later, he was surprised to see ‘Big Chief Forget-me Not’ still sitting in the lobby, fully occupied with whittling away on a stick.

“How,” said the Aussie.

“Scrambled,” said the Chief.

Wonder Pig

Jun 5, 2021

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A man was out for a walk one day and on his travels he wandered through a farm. Strangely, he saw a pig with a wooden leg! This intrigued him so much he found the farmer and quizzed him about it.

“This be no ordinary pig” said the farmer. “For example, only two days ago there was a fire in the chicken shed when I was away from the farm. The pig noticed this and immediately went and let all the chickens out into the yard. He then phoned for the fire brigade and came straight back to hold the fire until they arrived!”

“And a few weeks ago, I was driving my tractor down a steep hill, when I lost control and the vehicle overturned – knocking me unconscious! The pig saw this, phoned for the ambulance and then rushed to the tractor and pulled me clear of the cab just before it set on fire.”

The farmer was just about to launch into another tale when the man said “Yes yes, but what about the wooden leg?” “Well” said the farmer “when you’ve got an pig as good as that, you don’t eat it all at once!”

Dead Chicken

Jun 5, 2021

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It seems the US Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) has a unique device for testing the strength of windshields on airplanes.

The device is a gun that launches a dead chicken at a plane’s windshield at approximately the speed the plane flies.

The theory is that if the windshield doesn’t crack from the carcass impact, it’ll survive a real collision with a bird during flight.

It seems the British were very interested in this and wanted to test a windshield on a brand new, speedy locomotive they’re developing. They borrowed the FAA’s chicken launcher, loaded the chicken and fired.

The ballistic chicken shattered the windshield, went through the engineer’s chair, broke an instrument panel and embedded itself in the back wall of the engine cab.

The British were stunned and asked the FAA to recheck the test to see if everything was done correctly. The FAA reviewed the test thoroughly and had one recommendation: “Use a thawed chicken.”

Posh Department Store

Jun 5, 2021

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A couple went to Chicago for a visit, the wife was eager to visit a posh department store about a dozen blocks from their hotel.

The husband obligingly hailed a cab. “The lady wants to go to ‘the posh department store'” he told the driver. The cabby looked over his shoulder at them. “And the gentleman?” he asked, “Does he want to go to the bank?”