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Japanese

Heart Disease

Jun 6, 2021

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In Japan, the fat intake in the average Japanese diet is very low and the heart disease ratio is lower than in North America and the UK.

However, in France, the average fat intake is very high, and yet, the heart disease ratio is lower than in North America and the UK.

In India almost no one drinks red wine and the heart disease ratio is lower than in North America and the UK.

In Spain, everybody drinks too much red wine and the heart disease ratio is lower than in North America and the UK.

In Algeria, the average sexual activity ratio is very high and the heart disease ratio is lower than in North America and the UK.

In Brazil, everybody has sex like crazy and the heart disease ratio is lower than in North America and the UK.

In Austria, adults smoke 2 packs of cigarettes per day, on average.

Conclusion: Drink, eat, smoke and screw all you want. It’s speaking English that kills you.

Japanese Travel to New York

Jun 6, 2021

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There was a Japanese man who went to New York for sightseeing. On the last day, he hailed a taxi and told the driver to drive to the airport.

During the journey, a Honda Civic drove past the taxi. Thereupon, the Japanese man told the taxi driver. “Honda, very fast! Made in Japan!”

After a while, a Toyota Camry sped past the taxi. Again the Japanese man told the taxi driver. “Toyota, very fast! Made in Japan!”

And then a Mitsubishi Lancer sped past the taxi. For the third time, the Japanese man told the taxi driver. “Mitsubishi, very fast! Made in Japan!”

Finally the taxi reach the airport. The fare shown on the meter was US$300. The Japanese exclaimed, “Wah… so expensive!”. Thereupon, the taxi driver said. “Meter, very fast! Made in Japan!”

Haiku Error Message

Jun 5, 2021

0 228

Sony has announced its own computer operating system now available on its hot new portable PC called the Vaio. Instead of producing the cryptic error messages characteristic of Microsoft’s Windows and DOS systems, Sony’s chairman Asai Tawara said, “We intend to capture the high ground by putting a human, Japanese face on what has been-until now-an operating system that reflects Western cultural hegemony. For example, we have replaced the impersonal and unhelpful Microsoft error messages with our own Japanese haiku poetry.”

The computer haiku messages are just as informative as Microsoft’s and they make you pause just long enough that you’re able to fight the impulse to put a fist through the screen. The chairman went on to give examples of Sony’s new error messages:

A file that big?
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.

You seek a Web site.
It cannot be located.
Countless more exist.

Chaos reigns within.
Stop, reflect, and reboot.
Order shall return.

ABORTED effort:
Close all that you have worked on.
You ask way too much.

Yesterday it worked
Today it is not working
Windows is like that.

First snow, then silence.
This thousand dollar screen dies
So beautifully.

With searching comes loss.
The presence of absence.
“June Sales.doc” not found.

The Tao that is seen
Is not the true Tao
Until you bring fresh toner.

Windows NT crashed.
The Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.

Stay the patient course.
Of little worth is your ire.
The network is down.

A crash reduces
Your expensive computer
To a simple stone.

You step in the stream
But the water has moved on.
Page not found.

Out of memory.
We wish to hold the whole sky,
But we never will.

Having been erased,
The document you are seeking
Must now be retyped.

Serious error.
All shortcuts have disappeared.
Screen. Mind. Both are blank.

Three things are certain:
Death, taxes, and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.

High-tech Hot Tub

Jun 5, 2021

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Three women — one German, one Japanese and a Hillbilly were sitting naked in a sauna. Suddenly there was a beeping sound.

The German pressed her forearm and the beeping stopped, the others looked at here questioningly.

“That was my pager.” she said. “I have a microchip under the skin of my arm.”

A few minutes later, a phone rang. The Japanese woman lifted her palm to her ear. When she finished, she explained, “That was my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand.”

The Hillbilly woman felt decidedly “Low Tech”. Not to be outdone, she decided she had to do something just as impressive.

She stepped out of the sauna, and went to the bathroom. She returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging from her behind. The others raised their eyebrows and stared at her.

The Hillbilly woman finally said, “Well, will you look at that, I’m gettin’ a FAX.”

Japanese Pizza

Jun 5, 2021

0 1218

An American businessman goes to Japan on a business trip, but he hates Japanese food, so he asks the concierge at his hotel if there’s any place around where he can get American food. The concierge tells him he’s in luck; there’s a pizza place that just opened, and they deliver. The concierge gives the businessman the phone number, and he goes back to his room and orders a pizza.

Thirty minutes later, the delivery guy shows up to the door with the pizza. The businessman takes the pizza, and starts sneezing uncontrollably. He asks the delivery man, ‘What the heck did you put on this pizza?’ The delivery man bows and says, ‘We put on the pizza what you ordered, pepper only.’

A Kinder, Gentler System

Jun 4, 2021

0 471

Sony has announced its own computer operating system now available on its hot new notebook PC. Instead of producing the cryptic error message characteristic of Microsoft’s operating systems, Sony’s president said,”We intend to capture the high ground by putting a human, Japanese face on what has been-until now-an operating system that reflects Western cultural hegemony. For example, we have replaced the impersonal and unhelpful Microsoft error messages with our own Japanese haiku poetry.” The chairmanwent on to give examples of Sony’s new error messages:

A file that big?
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.

The Web site you seek
Can not be located but
Countless more exist

Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order shall return.

ABORTED effort:
Close all that you have worked on.
You ask way too much.

Yesterday it worked
Today it is not working
Windows is like that.

First snow, then silence.
This thousand-dollar screen dies
so beautifully.

With searching comes loss
and the presence of absence:
“My Novel” not found.

The Tao that is seen
Is not the true Tao, until
You bring fresh toner.

Windows NT crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.

Stay the patient course
Of little worth is your ire
The network is down

Three things are certain:
Death, taxes, and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.

You step in the stream,
but the water has moved on.
This page is not here.