“Tomorrow I’m getting married for the fourth time,” said Joe happily.
“What happened to your first three wives?” asked his friend Jeff.
“My first wife ate poison mushrooms,” replied Joe.
“How terrible!” exclaimed Jeff. “And your second wife?”
“She ate poison mushrooms.”
“And your third ate poison mushrooms, too?” asked Jeff.
“Oh, no. She died of a broken neck.” stated Joe.
“I see, an accident.” replied Jeff.
“Not exactly,” said Joe. “She wouldn’t eat her mushrooms.”
When a car skidded on wet pavement and struck a telephone pole, several bystander ran over to help the driver.
A woman was the first to reach the victim, but a man rushed in and pushed her back and said, “Step aside lady/ I’ve taken a course in first aid.”
The woman watched him for a few minutes, then tapped his shoulder and said, “Pardon me, but when you get to the part about calling a doctor, I’m right here.”
Bill Gates dies in a car accident. He finds himself being sized up by God….
“Well, Bill, I’m really confused on this call; I’m not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in America, yet you also created that ghastly Windows ’95. I’m going to do something I’ve never done before. I’m going to let you decide where you want to go.”
Bill replied, “Well, what’s the difference between the two?”
God said, “I’m willing to let you visit both places briefly, to see if it will help your decision.”
“Fine, but where should I go first?”
“I’ll leave that up to you.”
“Okay then,” said Bill, “let’s try Hell first.”
So Bill went to Hell. It was a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters and lots of beautiful women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining; the temperature
perfect.
He was very pleased.
“This is great!” he told God. “If this is hell, I REALLY want to see heaven!”
“Fine” said God, and off they went.
Heaven was a place high in the clouds, with angels drifting about, playing harps and singing. It was nice, but not as enticing as Hell. Bill thought for a quick minute, and rendered his decision.
“Hmmm. I think I’d prefer Hell,” he told God.
“Fine,” retorted God, “as you desire.”
So Bill Gates went to Hell.
Two weeks later, God decided to check on the late billionaire to see how he was doing in Hell. When he got there, he found Bill, shackled to a wall, screaming amongst hot flames in dark caves, being burned and
tortured by demons.
“How’s everything going?” he asked Bill.
Bill responded with his voice filled with anguish and disappointment, “This is awful! This is nothing like the Hell I visited two weeks ago! I can’t believe this is happening! What happened to that other place, with the beaches, and the beautiful women playing in the water????”
“That was the DEMO,” replied God
A man was walking across the road when he met the accident. The impact was on his head which caused him to be comatosed for two days before he finally regained consciousness.
When he opens his eyes, his wife was there beside him. He held her hands and said meaningfully : “You have always been beside me. When I was a struggling university student, I failed again and again. And sometimes, even my re-papers as well. You were always there beside me, encouraging me to go on trying..”
She squeezed his hands as he continued :”When I went for all the major interviews and failed to clinch any of the jobs, you were there beside me, cutting out more adverts for me to apply…” He continued “Then I started work at this little firm and finally got to handle a big contract. I blew it because of one little mistake. And you were there beside me.”
Then I finally got another job after being laid off for sometime. But I never seem to be promoted and my hard work was not recognised. As such, I remained in the same position from the day I join the company till now… And you were there beside me”
Her eyes brimmed with tears as she listened to her husband :”And now I met an accident and when I woke up, you are here beside me….
….There’s something I’ll really like to say to you…” She flung herself on the bed to hug her husband, and sobbing with emotion.
He said…, ” I think you really bring me bad luck..”
A married couple was in a terrible accident in which the woman’s face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn’t graft any skin from her body because she was too thin. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin.
However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret.
After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman’s new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty! One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, “Dear, just want to thank you for everything you did for me There is no way I could ever repay you,”
“My darling,” he replied, “think nothing of it. I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek.”
