A man attempting to set up his new printer called the printer’s tech support number, complaining about the error message: “Can’t find the printer.”
On the phone, the man said he even held the printer up in front of the screen, but the computer still couldn’t find it.
On a group of beautiful deserted tropical islands in the middle of nowhere, the following people are suddenly stranded by, as you might expect, a shipwreck:
2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman
2 French men and 1 French woman
2 German men and 1 German woman
2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman
2 English men and 1 English woman
2 Bulgarian men and 1 Bulgarian woman
2 Japanese men and 1 Japanese woman
2 Chinese men and 1 Chinese woman
2 American men and 1 American woman
2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman
One month later on these same absolutely, stunningly beautiful desert (and deserted) Islands in the middle of nowhere, the following things have occurred:
One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman
The 2 French men and the French woman are living happily together in a menage-a-trois
The 2 German men have a strict weekly schedule of alternating visits with the German woman.
The 2 Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them.
The 2 English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman.
The 2 Bulgarian men took one look at the endless ocean, another long look at the Bulgarian woman, and started swimming…
The 2 Japanese men have faxed Tokyo and are awaiting instructions.
The 2 Chinese men have set up a pharmacy, a liquor store, a restaurant, and a laundromat. And have got the woman pregnant in order to supply employees for the store.
The 2 American men are contemplating the virtues of suicide because the American woman keeps endlessly complaining about her body, the true nature of feminism, how she can do everything they can do, the necessity of fulfillments, the equal division of household chores, how sand and palm trees make her look fat, how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her nicer than they do, how her relationship with her mother is improving, and at least the taxes are low, and it isn’t raining….
The 2 Irish men have divided the Island into North and South and set up a distillery. They do not remember if sex is in the picture, because it gets sort of foggy after the first few liters of coconut whiskey. But they are satisfied because at least the English aren’t having any fun.
Two children ordered their mother to stay in bed one Mother’s Day morning. As she lay there looking forward to breakfast in bed, the smell of bacon floated up from the kitchen.
But after a good long wait she finally went downstairs to investigate. She found them both sitting at the table eating bacon and eggs.
“As a surprise for Mother’s Day,” one explained, “we decided to cook our own breakfast.”
A three-year-old boy was examining his testicles while taking a bath.
“Mom”, he asked, “are these my brains?”
“Not yet,” she replied.
A man walks out into the street and manages to get a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, “Perfect timing. You’re just like Vince.”
“Who?”
“Vince Sabio. There’s a guy who did everything right. Like my coming along when you needed a cab. It would have happened like that to Vince every single time.”
“There are always a few clouds over everybody.”
“Not Vince. He was a terrific athlete. He could have gone on the pro tour in tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star.”
“He was something, huh?”
“He had a memory like a trap. Could remember everybody’s birthday. He knew all about wine, which fork to eat with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole neighborhood blacks out.”
“No wonder you remember him.”
“Well, I never actually met Vince.”
“Then how do you know so much about him?”
“I married his widow.”
A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realises he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts:
“Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?”
The man below says: “yes you’re in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field.”
“You must work in Information Technology” says the balloonist.
“I do” replies the man. “How did you know.”
“Well” says the balloonist, “everything you have told me is technically correct, but it’s no use to anyone.”
The man below says “you must work in business.”
“I do” replies the balloonist, “but how did you know?”
“Well”, says the man, “you don’t know where you are, or where you’re going, but you expect me to be able to help. You’re in the same position you were before we met, but now it’s my fault.”
