Home Tags Posts tagged with "Time"

Time

Apple Corporation Sues Itself

Jun 4, 2021

0 212

Apple Corporation Sues Itself Jokes Times

In a move that has industrial analysts scratching their heads, Apple Computers has filed suit against Apple Computer, Inc. The company claims that Apple has violated the Look and Feel of their own machines which has helped to make the company famous.

An Apple Spokesperson stated “This is no joke. If we don’t protect our copyrighted interface, everyone will use it and we could lose the exclusive right. So it is in our best interests to sue anyone who uses the Macintosh Look and Feel, including ourselves.” The spokesperson says Apple has retained the prestigious LA law firm of Kukla, Fran and Ollie to spearhead the lawsuit. Apple’s in house lawyers will defend.

Long time Apple observer Ernest Dinklefwat stated that this is a sure sign that Apple has too many lawyers and not enough engineers. “In the old days Apple depended on its talented engineers to keep ahead of the competition, but now they have lost the edge, as well as their grasp on reality.”

The industry will be sure to watch this case closely. If Apple wins the suit against itself, this could mean a massive recall of all Macintosh and Lisa computers which will need to be converted to avoid all graphics and desktop metaphors and instead provide a simple terminal-like interface. Such a move would cause a massive digression in the personal computer market. Users of computers would be forced to learn to read, which could cause dangerous literacy among college students and professionals.

Migraine Headaches

Jun 4, 2021

0 135

A man went to the doctor with a long history of migraine headaches.

When the doctor did his history and physical, he discovered that the poor guy has tried practically every therapy known to man for his migraines and STILL no improvement.

“Listen,” said the Doc, “I have migraines, too and the advice I’m going to give you isn’t really anything I learned in medical school, but it’s something that I’ve learned from my own experience.

When I have a migraine, I go home, get in a nice hot bathtub, and soak for a while. Then I have my wife sponge me off with the hottest water I can stand, especially around the forehead. This helps a little.

Then I get out of the tub, take her into the bedroom, and even if my head is killing me, I force myself to have sex with her. Almost always, the headache is immediately gone.

Now, give it a try, and come back and see me in six weeks.”

Six weeks later, the patient returns with a big grin, “Doc! I took your advice and it works! It REALLY WORKS! I’ve had migraines for 17 years and this is the FIRST time anyone has ever helped me!”

“Well,” said the physician, “I’m glad I could help.”

“By the way, Doc,” the patient added, “You have a REALLY nice house.”

A Few Minutes Work

Jun 4, 2021

0 226

A young woman felt pain in her teeth and went to a dentist. After checking her teeth, the dentist told her that there is a tooth that has decayed and has beyond decayed and need to be extracted.

The young woman then ask how much will the extraction be. The dentist replied the extraction will cost her $100. The young woman felt it is too expensive and said, $100 for just this few minutes of work? The dentist replies, “Well, I can extract it very slowly over the time frame you like if you want.”

Vince The Perfect Man

Jun 4, 2021

0 272

A man walks out into the street and manages to get a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, “Perfect timing. You’re just like Vince.”

“Who?”

“Vince Sabio. There’s a guy who did everything right. Like my coming along when you needed a cab. It would have happened like that to Vince every single time.”

“There are always a few clouds over everybody.”

“Not Vince. He was a terrific athlete. He could have gone on the pro tour in tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star.”

“He was something, huh?”

“He had a memory like a trap. Could remember everybody’s birthday. He knew all about wine, which fork to eat with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole neighborhood blacks out.”

“No wonder you remember him.”

“Well, I never actually met Vince.”

“Then how do you know so much about him?”

“I married his widow.”

Unlucky Nun

Mar 11, 2021

0 103

There was a guy in a bar one night that got really drunk. I mean really, really, really drunk.

When the bar closed he got up to go home. As he stumbled out the door he saw a nun walking on the sidewalk.

So he stumbled over to the nun and punched her in the face. Well the nun was really surprised but before she could do or say anything he punched her again.

This time she fell down and he stumbled over to her and kicked her in the butt.

Then he picked her up and threw her into a wall. By this time the nun was pretty weak and couldn’t move.

So then he stumbled over to her, put his face right next to hers and said. “Not very strong tonight, are you Batman?”