Thursday, September 18, 2025
Tags Posts tagged with "Time"

Time

Jet Fuel Jokes Times

A couple of drinkin’ buddies, who are airplane mechanics, are in the hanger at SFO; it’s fogged in and they have nothing to do. One of them says to the other, “Man, have you got anything to drink?”

“Nah, but I hear you can drink jet fuel – that’ll kinda give you a buzz.”

So they do, get smashed and have a beautiful time; like only drinkin’ buddies can do. The following morning, one of them wakes up and he knows his head will explode if he gets up. But it doesn’t. He gets up and feels good, in fact, he feels great! NO hangover!

The phone rings, it’s his buddy. The buddy says, “Hey, how do you feel?” He says, “I feel great!!” and his buddy says, “I feel great too!! You don’t have a hangover?” and he says, “No – that jet fuel is great stuff! No hangover! We ought to do this more often!” “Yeah, we could, but there’s just one thing…”

“What’s that?”
“Did you fart yet?”
“What??”
“Did you FART yet??”
“No…”
“Well, DON’T, ’cause I’m in another country!!”

35-Year-old Daughter Jokes Times

A mother was walking down the hall when she heard a humming sound coming from her daughters bedroom. When she opened the door she found her daughter naked on the bed with a vibrator.

“What are you doing?” she exclaimed. The daughter replied, “I’m 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I’ll ever get to a husband.”

Later that week the father was in the kitchen and heard a humming sound coming from the basement. When he went downstairs, he found his daughter naked on a sofa with her vibrator.

“What are you doing?” he exclaimed. The daughter replied, “I’m 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I’ll ever get to a husband.”

A couple of days later the mother heard the humming sound again, this time in the living room. Upon entering the room, she found her husband watching television with the vibrator buzzing away beside him.

“What are you doing?” she asked. He replied, “Watching the game with my son-in-law.”

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Bilingual Job Jokes Times

A local business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window, stating the following: “HELP WANTED. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer.”

A short time afterwards, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it and whined.

Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager looked at the dog and was surprised, to say the least. However, the dog looked determined, so he lead him into the office. Inside, the dog jumped up on the chair and stared at the manager. The manager said, “I can’t hire you. The sign says you have to be able to type.”

The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to type out a perfect letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the manager and gave it to him, then jumped back on the chair. The manager was stunned, but then told the dog, “The sign says you have to be good with a computer.”

The dog jumped down again and went to the computer. The dog proceeded to enter and execute a perfect program, that worked flawlessly the first time. By this time the manager was totally dumb-founded! He looked at the dog and said, “I realize that you are a very intelligent dog and have some interesting abilities. However, I still can’t give you the job.”

The dog jumped down and went to a copy of the sign and put his paw on the sentences that told about being an Equal Opportunity Employer. The manager said, “Yes, but the sign also says that you have to be bilingual”. The dog looked at the manager calmly and said “Meow”.

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Stupid Pirate Jokes Times

A pirate was talking to a man in a bar. The man noticed that, like any self-respecting pirate, this pirate had a pag leg, a hook in place of one of his hands, and a patch over one eye.

The man just had to find out how the pirate got in such bad shape. He asked the pirate, “how did you loose your leg?” The pirate responded, “I lost my leg in a battle off the coast of Jamaica!”

The man was still curious so he asked, “What about your hand. Did you lose it at the same time?” The pirate answered, “No. I lost it to the sharks off the Florida Keys.”

Finally the man asked, “I notice you also have an eye patch. How did you lose your eye?” The pirate answered, “I was sleeping on a beach when a seagull flew over and crapped right in my eye.” The man asked, “How could a little seagull crap make you loose your eye?” The pirate replied, “It was the day after I got my hook fixed!”

Fun With a Wrong Number Jokes TImes

It was last Wednesday night, and I was sitting in my room watching television when the phone rang. “Hello?” I said.

A girl’s voice came over the line. “Can I speak to Ben, please?”
I live by myself, and my name definitely is not Ben. It was probably a wrong number and I was bored.

I replied, “I’m sorry, he’s not in right now. Can I take a message?”

“Do you know what time he’ll be back?” she responded. “I think he said he’d be home around 10:00.” Silence on the other end… a confused silence.

“Is this Steve?” My name isn’t Steve, either. This was definitely a wrong number. So I replied, “Yes, it is. Do you want to leave a message for Ben?”

“Well… he said he would be home tonight and asked me to call him,” she said in a slightly irritated voice.

I replied, “Well, he went out with Karen about an hour ago, and said that he would be back at 10:00.”

A shocked voice now: “Who’s Karen?!”
“The girl he went out with.”
“I know that! I mean… who is she?”
“I don’t know her last name. Look, do you want me to leave a message for Ben?”

“Yes… please do. Tell him to call me when he gets home.”
She was sounding pretty irate at this point, and I could hear her temper flaring. “I sure will. Is this Jennifer?”

She exploded, “Who’s Jennifer?” Apparently she wasn’t.
“Well… he’s going out with Jennifer at 10:00. I thought you were her. Sorry… it was an honest mistake.”

“Ben’s the one that’s made the mistake! Tell him that Alice called him and the she’s very upset and that I would like him to call me as soon as he gets home.”

I smiled and said, “Okay, I will… but Becky isn’t going to like this…”
*Click*

Inside Info Jokes Times

An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time.

“I have good news and bad news,” the owner replied. “The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death.

When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings.”

“That’s wonderful,” the artist exclaimed. “What’s the bad news?”

“The guy was your doctor.”

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