A man inserted an ‘ad’ in the classifieds: “Wife wanted”.
Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: “You can have mine.”
Newspaper Ads
Newspaper
Status Update
A little old lady, calling Mount Sinai Hospital, says, “Hello, darling, I’d like to talk with the person who gives the information regarding your patients. I want to know if the patient is getting better, or doing like expected, or is getting worse.”
“Do you know the patient’s name and room number?”
“Yes, darling! She’s Sarah Finkel, in Room 302.”
“Oh, yes. Mrs. Finkel is doing very well. In fact, she’s had two full meals, her blood pressure is fine, her blood work just came back as normal, she’s going to be taken off the heart monitor in a couple of hours and if she continues this improvement, Dr.. Cohen is going to send her home Tuesday at noon.”
“Thank God! That’s wonderful! That’s fantastic, darling!… That’s wonderful news!”
“You must be a very close friend!”
“No, I’m Sarah Finkel in 302! Dr. Cohen doesn’t tell me shit!”
Marital Bliss
A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. Their domestic tranquillity had long been the talk of the town.
A local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage.
“Well, it dates back to our honeymoon,” explained the man. “We visited the Grand Canyon and took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon by pack mule.
We hadn’t gone too far when my wife’s mule stumbled. My wife quietly said “That’s once.”
We proceeded a little farther when the mule stumbled again. Once more my wife quietly said, “That’s twice.” We hadn’t gone a half-mile when the mule stumbled a third time. My wife promptly removed a revolver from her pocket and shot him.
I started to protest over her treatment of the mule when she looked at me and quietly said “That’s once.”
Woooooo Wooooo
There were two Indians and a Cowboy walking along together in the desert when, all of a sudden, one of the Indians took off and ran up a steep hill to the mouth of a cave. He stopped and hollered into the entrance,”Woooooo! Woooooo! and then listened very closely until he heard an answer…”Woooooo! Woooooo!”. He then tore off his clothes and ran into the cave. The Cowboy was puzzled and asked the other Indian what that was all about. “Was that Indian goofy or something?”
“No”, said the other Indian. “It is mating time for us Indians and when you see a cave and holler, “Woooooo! Woooooo!” and get an answer back, that means she is in there waiting for you.”
Well, just about that time the other Indian spotted another cave. He took off, ran to the cave, stopped and hollered, “Woooooo! Woooooo!” When he heard a reply, “Woooooo! Woooooo!” off came his clothes and into the cave he goes. The Cowboy started running around the desert looking for a cave to find these women that the Indians had talked about. Suddenly he looked up and saw this great big cave. He was amazed at the size and thought, “Man! It’s bigger than the caves those Indians found. There must be something special in this cave!”
Well, he darted up the hill at great speed with hopes of grandeur. He got in front of the cave and yelled, “Woooooo! Woooooo!”. He was thrilled when he heard the answering call of “Woooooo! Woooooo!”He quickly took off his clothes. With a happy face he raced into the cave.
The headlines in the next day’s newspaper read: Naked Cowboy Run Over By Freight Train!
PrevYOU MAY LIKE
Where is my Parakeet
A carpet layer had just finished installing carpet for a lady. He stepped out for a smoke, only to realize he'd lost his cigarettes.
In...
