A newsboy was standing on the corner with a stack of paper, yelling, “Read all about it. Fifty people swindled! Fifty people swindled!”
Curious, a man walked over, bought a paper, and checked the front page.
Finding nothing, the man said, “There’s nothing in here about fifty people being swindled.”
The newsboy ignored him and went on, yelling out, “Read all about it, Fifty-one people swindled! Fifty-one people swindled!”
Rich was moderately successful in his career, but as he got older he was increasingly hampered by incredible headaches. When his work relationships and social life started to suffer, he sought medical help.
After being referred from one specialist to another, he finally came across a doctor who solved the problem. “The good news is I can cure your headaches…the bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition which causes your testicles to press up against the base of your spine. The pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles.”
Rich was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he has anything to live for. He couldn’t concentrate long enough to answer, but decided he had no choice but to go under the knife.
When he left the hospital, his mind was clear, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life.
He walked past a men’s clothing store and thought, “That’s what I need: a new suit.” He entered the shop and told the salesman, “I’d like a new suit.”
The salesman eyed him briefly and said, “Let’s see, you’re a 40 Regular.” Rich laughed, “That’s right, how did you know?”
“It’s my job.”
Rich tried on the suit. It fit perfectly. As Rich admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, “How about a new shirt?” Rich thought for a moment and then said, “Sure…”
The salesman eyed Rich and said, “Let’s see…34 sleeve and…16 and a half neck.” Rich was surprised, “That’s right, how did you know?”
“It’s my job.”
Rich tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly. As Rich adjusted the collar in the mirror, the salesman asked, “How about new shoes?”
Rich was on a roll and said, “Sure…”
The salesman eyed Rich’s feet and said, “Let’s see…9 and a half.” Rich was astonished, “That’s right, how did you know?”
“It’s my job.”
Rich tried on the shoes and they fit perfectly. Rich walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, “How about a new hat?”
Without hesitating, Rich said, “Sure!”
The salesman eyed Rich’s head and said, “Let’s see…7 and 5/8ths.” Rich was incredulous, “That’s right, how did you know?”
“It’s my job.”
The hat fit perfectly. Rich was feeling great, when the salesman asked, “How about some new underwear?”
Rich thought for a second and said, “Sure…” The salesman stepped back, eyed Rich’s waist and said, “Let’s see…you are a 38.”
Rich laughed, “No, I’ve worn size 34 since I was 18 years old.”
The salesman shook his head, “You can’t wear a size 34. It would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache!”
According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington recently was faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints. Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the next day, the girls would put them back.
Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man…. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night.
To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required. He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it.
Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.
This poor guy went to hospital for a circumcision, but because of a mix up, he ended up having a complete sex change.
All the doctors and nurses had gathered around his bed as he was waking up so they could give him the bad news.
Naturally, the poor guy went to pieces and started crying when they explained what had happened to him.
“Damn!” he moaned, “this means I’ll never be able to experience an erection ever again!”
“Of course you will,” one of the doctors soothed. It’ll just have to be someone else’s, that’s all.”
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