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Fish

That’s the Spirit

Jun 5, 2021

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A boy is selling fish on a corner. To get his customers’ attention, he is yelling, “Dam fish for sale! Get your dam fish here!”

A pastor hears this and asks, “Why are you calling them ‘dam fish.'”

The boy responds, “Because I caught these fish at the local dam.”

The pastor buys a couple fish, takes them home to his wife, and asks her to cook the dam fish.

The wife responds surprised, “I didn’t know it was acceptable for a preacher to speak that way.”

He explains to her why they are dam fish.

Later at the dinner table, he asks his son to pass the dam fish.

He responds, “That’s the spirit, Dad! Now pass the f*cking potatoes!”

Your Cheating Heart

Jun 5, 2021

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A woman is in bed with her lover who also happens to be her husband’s best friend. They make love for hours, and afterwards, while they’re just laying there, the phone rings.

Since it is the woman’s house, she picks up the receiver. Her lover looks over at her and listens, only hearing her side of the conversation…

(She is speaking in a cheery voice)

“Hello? Oh, hi. I’m so glad that you called. Really? That’s wonderful. I am so happy for you. That sounds terrific. Great! Thanks. Okay. Bye bye.”

She hangs up the telephone and her lover asks, “Who was that?”

“Oh” she replies, “that was my husband telling me all about the wonderful time he’s having on his fishing trip with you.”

Give a Man a Fish

Jun 5, 2021

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Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day…

Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

Ice Fishing

Jun 5, 2021

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A young lady who got a fishing rod for her birthday decided to go ice fishing to make good use of her gift.

Early the next morning, she got all her gear together and headed out to the ice. When she reached her final destination, she cut a large hole in the ice and dipped the rod in. Then suddenly she heard a voice that said: “There are no fish in there”. So she moves to another spot and cuts another hole, but then the same voice spoke again and told her there were no fish in there. So she moves again, and the voice tells her there are no fish in there.

So she looks up and sees an irritated man staring down at her. “How do you know there are no fish there?” asks the young girl.

So the man cooly says “Well first of all, this is a hockey rink, and second of all, you’re going to pay for those holes.”

$10.00 Extra

Jun 5, 2021

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A lady was in a hardware store looking at a fishing pole. She asked the store manger how much it was. He said “I am blind. Drop it on the ground and I’ll tell you.”

She dropped it on the ground. “Aahh, that’s $10.00.” the store manager said. The lady bent down and let a big fart that everyone can heard. But, she really wanted the pole so she picked it up.And went to pay for it.

“That will be $20.00.” the store manager said.
“But you said $10.00!” the lady pondered.
“$10.00 extra for the stink bait and the duck call.” the store manager replied.

Recognize Grizzly Bear

Jun 5, 2021

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The Wisconsin State Dept of Fish and Wildlife is advising hikers, hunters, fishermen and golfers to take extra precautions and be on the alert for bears this summer.

They advise people to wear noise-producing devices such as little bells on their clothing to alert but not startle the bears unexpectedly.

They also advise you to carry pepper spray in case of an encounter with a bear.

People should be able to recognize the presence of bears in an area by their droppings:

Black bear droppings are smaller and contain berry residue and possibly squirrel fur.

Grizzly bear droppings have little bells in them and smell like pepper spray.