A blind man walks into a store with his seeing eye dog. All of a sudden, he picks up the leash and begins swinging the dog over his head.
The manager runs up to the man and asks, “What are you doing?!!”
The blind man replies, “Just looking around.”
Dr. Cutter is the local Veterinarian, known for his wry humor. He surpassed himself one summer day when a city dog was brought to him after an encounter with a porcupine.
After almost an hour of prying, pulling, cutting and stitching, he returned the dog to its owner, who asked what she owed.
“Fifty dollars, Ma’am,” he answered.
“Why that’s simply outrageous!” she stormed. “That’s what’s wrong with you Maine people, you’re always trying to over charge summer visitors. Whatever do you do in the winter, when we’re not being gypped here?”
“Raise porcupines, Ma’am.”
A guy is stranded on an island with only a Doberman and a pig for company. There’s plenty of food and water, and the weather is beautiful, so he’s doing alright – but after a few months he gets lonely…
The pig starts to look more and more attractive – soft, pink flesh, round buttocks, etc. But every time this poor guy makes an advance towards the pig, the Doberman snarls at him and once almost bit his leg.
Very frustrating. One day the guy sees a speck on the horizon, so he swims out there and it turns out to be a dinghy, cast adrift, and in the bottom of the boat is a beautiful woman, unconscious. He drags her to shore and brings her into his hut and slowly nurses her back health.
Finally she is well enough to walk and she says to him “Thank you, thank you for saving my life. I don’t know how I can ever repay you. I’ll do anything for you, anything, just name it.”
The guy thinks for a minute and says, “Would you mind taking my dog for a walk?”
One day a father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the country with the firm purpose of showing his son how poor people can be. They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family.
On their return from their trip, the father asked his son, “How was the trip?” “It was great, Dad.” “Did you see how poor people can be?” the father asked.
“Oh Yeah” said the son. “So what did you learn from the trip?” asked the father.
The son answered, “I saw that we have one dog and they had four. We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a creek that has no end. We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night. Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon.
We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go beyond our sight. We have servants who serve us, but they serve others. We buy our food, but they grow theirs. We have walls around our property to protect us, they have friends to protect them.”
With this the boy’s father was speechless. Then his son added, “Thanks dad for showing me how poor we are.”
A firefighter was working on the engine outside the station, when he noticed a little girl nearby in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides, and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.The girl was wearing a fire fighter’s helmet.
The wagon was being pulled by her dog and her cat.
The firefighter walked over to take a closer look. “That sure is a nice fire truck,” the firefighter said with admiration.
“Thanks,” the girl replied.
The fire fighter looked a little closer. The fireman noticed the girl had tied the wagon to her dog’s collar and to the cat’s testicles.
“Little partner,” the fire fighter said, “I don’t want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat’s collar, I think you could go faster.”
The little girl replied thoughtfully, “You’re probably right, but then I wouldn’t have a siren.”
A guy walks into a bar with his dog on a leash the barman says, “Geez that’s a weird dog: he’s stumpy-legged, pink, and doesn’t have a tail, but I bet my rottweiler would beat the heck out of it.”50 bucks is laid down. Out in the yard the rottweiler gets mauled to pieces.
Another drinker says his pit bull will win but the bet is 100 bucks.
Another trip to the yard and when it’s all over there are bits of pit-bull terrier all over the place. The drinker pays up and says, “Say what breed is that anyway?”
The owner says,”Until I cut his tail off and painted it pink it was the same breed as every other alligator”
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