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Dog

Too Many Puppies

Jun 5, 2021

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A client brought a litter of golden retriever puppies to my veterinary clinic for inoculations and worming. As the look-alike pups squirmed over and under one another in their box, I realized it would be difficult to tell the treated ones from the rest. So, I turned on the water faucet, wet my fingers, and moistened each dog’s head when I had finished.

After the fourth puppy, I noticed my talkative client had grown silent. As I sprinkled the last pup’s head, the woman leaned forward and whispered, “I didn’t know they had to be baptized, too.”

5K the Dog

Jun 5, 2021

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I named my dog “5K” so I can tell people I walk 5K every day.

Twenty Children’s Books You’ll Never See

Jun 5, 2021

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You are different and that’s bad.
Pop goes the hamster…… and other great microwave games.
What is that dog doing to that other dog?
The Hardy Boys, the Barbie Twins and the Vice Squad.
Barbar meets the taxidermist.
Testing home made parachutes using household pets.
Garfield gets feline leukemia.
The Kids’ Guide to hitchhiking.
The pop-up book of human anatomy.
Things rich kids have, but you never shall.
The Care Bears maul some campers and are shot dead.
The boy who died from eating all his vegetables.
Controlling the Playground: Respect through fear.
You were an accident.
Some Kittens can fly!
Daddy drinks because you cry.
Curious George and the high voltage fence.
How to become the dominant military power in your primary school.
Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Point become friends.
Start an estate agency with the change from your mums purse.

Blind Parachuting

Jun 5, 2021

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A blind man was describing his favorite sport, parachuting. When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were alldone for him:

“I am placed in the door and told when to jump”

“My hand is placed on my release ring for me, and out I go”

“But how do you know when you are going to land?” he was asked.

“I have a very keen sense of smell and I can smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from the ground” he answered.

“But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground?” he was again asked.

He quickly answered “Oh, the dog’s leash goes slack”.

Cats and Dogs

Jun 5, 2021

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What is a Cat?
1. Cats do what they want.
2. They rarely listen to you.
3. They’re totally unpredictable.
4. They whine when they are not happy.
5. When you want to play, they want to be alone.
6. When you want to be alone, they want to play.
7. They expect you to cater to their every whim.
8. They’re moody.
9. They leave hair everywhere.
10. They drive you nuts and cost an arm and a leg.

Conclusion: They’re tiny women in little fur coats.

What is a Dog?
1. Dogs lie around all day, sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house.
2. They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but don’t hear you when you’re in the same room.
3. They can look dumb and lovable all at the same time.
4. They growl when they are not happy.
5. When you want to play, they want to play.
6. When you want to be alone, they want to play.
7. They are great at begging.
8. They will love you forever if you rub their tummies.
9. They leave their toys everywhere.
10. They do disgusting things with their mouths and then try to give you a kiss.

Conclusion: They’re tiny men in little fur coats.

The Educated Parrot

Jun 5, 2021

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This guy goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot. There he sees a parrot with a red string tied to its left leg and a green string tied to it’s right leg. He asks the owner the significance of the strings.

“Well, this is a highly trained parrot. If you pull the red string he speaks French; if you pull the green string he speaks German,” replies the shop keeper.

“And what happens if I pull both the strings?” our curious shopper inquires.

“I fall off my perch you fool!!” screeches the parrot.