A blind woman was out walking with her seeing eye dog when suddenly the animal paused and wet the woman’s leg.
Bending down, the blind woman stretched out her hand and patted the dog’s head.
Having watched what happened, a passer by said, “Say, why are you patting him? That dog just peed on your leg!”
“I know,” said the blind woman, “but I gotta find his head before I can kick his butt.”
A man tried to sell his neighbour a new dog.
“This is a talking dog,” he said. “And you can have him for five dollars.”
The neighbour said, “Who do you think you’re kidding with this talking dog stuff? There ain’t no such animal.
“Suddenly the dog looked up with tears in his eyes. “Please buy me, Sir,” he pleaded.
“This man is cruel. He never buys me a meal, never bathes me, never takes me for a walk. And I used to be the richest trick dog in America. I performed before kings. I was in the army and was decorated ten times.”
“Hey!” said the neighbour. “He can talk. Why do you want to sell him for just five dollars?”
“Because,” said the seller, “I’m getting tired of all his lies.”
There is this per shop that cross breed different breeds of dogs to get more sales. And they crossed a pit bull with a collie.
That dog bites off humans’ leg and goes for help.
A DOCTOR at an asylum decided to take his inmates to a baseball game.
For weeks in advance, he coached his nutty patients to respond to his commands.
When the day of the game arrived, everything seemed to be going well. As the national anthem started, the doctor yelled: “Up nuts!” And the inmates complied by standing up.
After the anthem he yelled: “Down Nuts!” And they all sat. After a home run he yelled: “Cheer nuts!” And they all broke into applause and cheers.
Thinking things were going very well, he decided to go get a beer and a hot dog, leaving his assistant in charge. When he returned there was a riot in progress. Finding his assistant, he asked what happened.
The assistant replied: “Well…everything was fine until some vendor walked by and yelled, `PEANUTS!’.”
While waiting for a bus, the blind man’s dog decided to go to the bathroom all over the blind man’s legs.
A passer-by commented to the blind man, “What! That dog just went to the bathroom all over your legs, and you are petting him?! Are you crazy?
“To which the blind man replied, “Madam, I am not petting him, I am feeling for his bottom, so I can kick him.”
One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated waiting for the pilot to show up so they can get under way.
The pilot and copilot finally appear in the rear of the plane and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle. Both appear to be blind; the pilot is using a white cane, bumping into passengers right and left as he stumbles down the aisle. The copilot is using a guide dog. Both have their eyes covered with sunglasses.
At first, the passengers do not react thinking that it must be some sort of practical joke. After a few minutes though, the engines start revving, and the airplane begins moving down the runway.
The passengers look at each other with some uneasiness. They start whispering among themselves and look desperately to the stewardesses for reassurance.
Yet, the plane starts accelerating rapidly, and people begin panicking. Some passengers are praying, and as the plane gets closer and closer to the end of the runway, the voices are becoming more and more hysterical.
When the plane has less than twenty feet of runway left, there is a sudden change in the pitch of the shouts as everyone screams at once. At the very last moment, the plane lifts off and is airborne.
Up in the cockpit, the copilot breathes a sigh of relief and tells the pilot: “You know, one of these days the passengers aren’t going to scream, and we aren’t going to know when to take off!”
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