Monday, December 23, 2024
Tags Posts tagged with "Doctor"

Doctor

Running Out of Places Jokes Times

During a patient’s two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, the patient inform his doctor that he was having trouble with one of his medications.

“Which one?” the doctor asked.

“The patch”, the patient answered. “The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I’m running out of places to put it!”

The doctor had him quickly undress and discovered the man had over fifty patches on his body!

Now the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.

Read the Chart Jokes Times

A doctor was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test.

He placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, “Cover your right eye with your hand.” The patient read the 20/20 line perfectly.

“Now your left.” Again, a flawless read.

“Now both,” The doctor requested. There was silence. The patient couldn’t even read the large E on the top line.

The doctor turned and discovered that he had done exactly covered both eyes.

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Big Breaths Jokes Times

An elderly and slightly deaf female patient went to see a doctor.

The doctor placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient’s anterior chest wall.

“Big breaths,” The doctor instructed.

“Yes, they used to be big,” remorsefully replied the patient.

Genie in the Bottle Jokes Times

A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out pooped a genie. The genie said, “OK, You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah. This is the fourth time this month and I’m getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three… You only get one wish!”

The man sat, and thought about it for a while and said, “I’ve always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I’m scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?”

The genie laughed and said, “That’s impossible!!! Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete – how much steel!! No, think of another wish.”

The man said “OK, I will try to think of a really good wish.” Finally he said, “I’ve been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don’t care and that I’m insensitive. So, I wish that I could understand women, know what they feel inside and what they’re thinking when they give me the silent treatment, know why they’re crying, know what they really want when they say ‘nothing’, know how to make them truly happy.”

The genie said, “Do you want that bridge to be two lanes or four?”

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Lose Weight Now, Ask Me How Jokes Times

Mr Lee was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet.
“I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least 5 kg.”

When Mr Lee returned, he shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 kg. “Why, that’s amazing!” the doctor said, “Did you follow my instructions?”

Mr Lee nodded. “I’ll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that 3rd day.”

“From hunger?” asked the doctor.

“No, from skipping.”

A Women Little Instruction Book Jokes Times

Woman don’t make fools of men — most of them are the do-it-yourself types.

The best reason to divorce a man is a health reason: you’re sick of him.

Never trust a man who says he’s the boss at home. He probably lies about other things too.

The woman’s work that is never done is the stuff she asked her husband to do.

If you think the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach you’re aiming too high.

Go for younger men. You might as well — they never mature anyway.

A man who can dress himself without looking like Wurzel Gummidge is unquestionably gay.

Men are all the same — they just have different faces so you can tell them apart.

Definition of a man with manners — he gets out of the bath to pee.

Whenever you meet a man who would make a good husband, you will usually find that he is.

Scientists have just discovered something that can do the work of five men — a woman.

There are a lot of words you can use to describe men — strong, caring, loving — they’d be wrong but you could still use them.

Men are like animals — messy, insensitive and potentially violent — but they make great pets.

There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men – “don’t” and “stop”.

Husbands are like children — they’re fine if they’re someone else’s.

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