A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?” And the father replied, “I don’t know, son, I’m still paying.”
Endless Debt
Couples
Pregnant
A young lady had just visited her doctor and he informed her that she was pregnant. The young lady had been married for ten years and had wanted a baby very badly. As she sat on the bus, on her way home, she felt that she had to share the good news with someone. The gentleman sitting next to her seemed as good as anyone to share the good news with.
Sir, she said, I just received the best news you could ever imagine. I have to share it with someone or I’ll bust. She told him the news that the doctor had told her about being pregnant.
The man shared her enthusiam as he shared his expierence. He said he was a farmer and he had trouble with his hens laying eggs. He stated that he went out to the hen house one morning and all of his hens had layed eggs.
He was so happy. he added, “but confidentially, I changed cocks.”
The newly pregnant woman responded, “Confidentially, me too.”
Vince The Perfect Man
A man walks out into the street and manages to get a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, “Perfect timing. You’re just like Vince.”
“Who?”
“Vince Sabio. There’s a guy who did everything right. Like my coming along when you needed a cab. It would have happened like that to Vince every single time.”
“There are always a few clouds over everybody.”
“Not Vince. He was a terrific athlete. He could have gone on the pro tour in tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star.”
“He was something, huh?”
“He had a memory like a trap. Could remember everybody’s birthday. He knew all about wine, which fork to eat with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole neighborhood blacks out.”
“No wonder you remember him.”
“Well, I never actually met Vince.”
“Then how do you know so much about him?”
“I married his widow.”
All You’ll Ever Need to Know About Marriage
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man’s habits, and then complain that he’s not the man she married?
Men are like wine – some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age.
When a girl marries, she exchanges the attentions of many men for the inattention of one.
Marriage is one long conversation, checkered by disputes.
No human being believes that any other human being has a right to be in bed when he himself is up.
If you have a job without aggravations, you don’t have a job.
Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old; it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother.
Nothing cures insomnia like the realization that it’s time to get up.
Many a women who thinks she has purchased a dress for the ridiculous price has actually bought it for an absurd figure.
When a man says it’s a silly, childish game, it’s probably something his wife can beat him at.
You can always tell a house with young boys in it. You have to wash the soap before you can use it.
Nowadays the pay check that arrives none too soon, is too soon none.
A woman is like a tea bag: you never know her strength until she is in hot water.
Almost every child would learn to write sooner if allowed to do his homework on wet cement.
Women like the simpler things in life – like men.
Robbers demand your money or your life; women require both.
Children aren’t happy without something to ignore; and that’s what parents were created for.
It is a woman’s business to get married as soon as possible, and a mans to stay unmarried as long as he can.
All marriages are happy. It’s the living together afterwards that causes all the trouble.
Live Longer
Married men lived longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
Secret Box
Never before had Sue looked in the box that her husband kept under their bed. The box had been there for the past 20 years of their marriage but she had never invaded his privacy.
One day, while cleaning, she decided to take a look in the box. She didn’t figure it was anything he was hiding since she could have looked at it any other time but hadn’t.
In the box she found 3 eggs and 10 thousand dollars. This seemed very strange so she went to Fred and asked, “Why are there 3 eggs in a box under out bed?” Fred replied, “Well, to be frank. Every time I was unfaithful to you, I put an egg in the box.” Sue was surprised and hurt that he had been unfaithful but she consoled herself with the fact that they had been married for over 20 years and he had only been unfaithful 3 times.
After calming down, Sue asked, “But what about the 10 thousand dollars, where did that came from?” Fred replies, “Well, every time I got a dozen, I sold them.”
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