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Couples

What was the Name

Jun 6, 2021

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Two senior couples are walking along, wives in front, husband in the back.

Herb says to Sam, “Gee, we went to a new restaurant last night and had the best meal ever. Good prices too.”

Sam say, “Well, we like to eat out too. What was the name of the restaurant?”

Herb says’ “You’ll going to have to help me out a little. What’s the name of the pretty flower, smell sweet, grows on the thorny bush?”

Sam says, “How about rose?”

“Yes, yes, that’s it!” cries Herb, then calls ahead to his wife. “Rose. Hey, Rose. What was the name of the restaurant we ate at last night?”

Three Kinds of Sex

Jun 6, 2021

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My aunt used to tell me there were three kinds of sex in a marriage. There was exciting sex, necessary sex, and hallway sex. “Exciting sex is when you’re first married and you can’t wait to get at each other. Necessary sex is after you’ve been married for seven or eight years and it’s more of a chore than anything else.

Hallway sex is after you’ve been married for thirty or forty years and you pass each other in the hallway and say “Fuck you!”

Marital Bliss

Jun 6, 2021

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A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. Their domestic tranquillity had long been the talk of the town.

A local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage.

“Well, it dates back to our honeymoon,” explained the man. “We visited the Grand Canyon and took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon by pack mule.

We hadn’t gone too far when my wife’s mule stumbled. My wife quietly said “That’s once.”

We proceeded a little farther when the mule stumbled again. Once more my wife quietly said, “That’s twice.” We hadn’t gone a half-mile when the mule stumbled a third time. My wife promptly removed a revolver from her pocket and shot him.

I started to protest over her treatment of the mule when she looked at me and quietly said “That’s once.”

First Wedding

Jun 6, 2021

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A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, “How many women can a man marry?”

“Sixteen,” the boy responded.

His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly. “How do you know that?”

“Easy,” the little boy said. “All you have to do is add it up, like the Bishop said, 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer.”

Loving Couples

Jun 6, 2021

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One day three couples in a minivan are heading to Yellowstone National Park on a vacation. One couple is from Nebraska, one is from Kansas, and one is from Iowa. They stop at a little cafe on the side of the road for breakfast.

Their waitress serves them their food, and the husband from Nebraska says, “could you pass the honey honey?” to whom his wife, hands over the honey.

Then, the husband from Kansas says ” Could you pass the sugar sugar?” and she passes him the sugar.

The Iowan husband sits there for a minute, then looks at his wife and says “Wanna pass me the bacon, pig?”

Merry Kiss Me

Jun 6, 2021

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It was a few days before Christmas. Benny’s trip went reasonably well, and he was ready to go back home. The airport on the other end had turned a tacky red and green, and loudspeakers blared annoying elevator renditions of cherished Christmas carols.

Being someone who took Christmas very seriously, and being slightly tired, he was not in a particularly good mood. Going to check in his luggage, he saw hanging mistletoe.

Not real mistletoe, but very cheap plastic with red paint on some of the rounder parts and green paint on some of the flatter and pointer parts, that could be taken for mistletoe only in a very Picasso sort of way.

With a considerable degree of irritation and nowhere else to vent it, he said to the attendant, “Even if we were married, I would not want to kiss you under such a ghastly mockery of mistletoe.”

“Sir, look more closely at where the mistletoe is.” “Ok, I see that it’s above the luggage scale which is the place you’d have to step forward for a kiss.” “That’s not why it’s there.”

“Ok, I give up. Why is it there?”

“It’s there so you can kiss your luggage good-bye.”