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Airplane

Kid in Airplane

Jun 4, 2021

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As a crowded airliner is about to take off, the peace is shattered by a 5-year-old boy who picks that moment to throw a wild temper tantrum.

No matter what his frustrated, embarrassed mother does to try to calm him down, the boy continues to scream furiously and kick the seats around him.

Suddenly, from the rear of the plane, an elderly man in the uniform of an Air Force General is seen slowly walking forward up the aisle. Stopping the flustered mother with an upraised hand, the white-haired, courtly, soft-spoken General leans down and, motioning toward his chest, whispers something into the boy’s ear.

Instantly, the boy calms down, gently takes his mother’s hand, and quietly fastens his seat belt. All the other passengers burst into spontaneous applause.

As the General slowly makes his way back to his seat, one of the cabin attendants touches his sleeve. “Excuse me, General,” she asks quietly, “but could I ask you what magic words you used on that little boy?”

The old man smiles serenely and gently confides, “I showed him my pilot’s wings, service stars, and battle ribbons, and explained that they entitle me to throw one passenger out the plane door on any flight I choose.”

Be Silent

Jun 4, 2021

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A blonde gets an opportunity to fly to a nearby country. She has never been on an airplane anywhere and was very excited and tense.

As soon as she boarded the plane, a Boeing747, she started jumping in excitement, running over seat to seat and starts shouting, “BOEING! BOEING!! BOEING!!! BO…..” She sort of forgets where she is, even the pilot in the cock-pit hears the noise.

Annoyed by the goings on, the Pilot comes out and shouts “Be silent!” There was pin-drop silence everywhere and everybody is looking at the blonde and the angry Pilot.

She stared at the pilot in silence for a moment, concentrated really hard, and all of a sudden started shouting, “OEING! OEING! OEING! OE….”

Jun 4, 2021

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Air Force One crashed in the middle of rural America.

Panic stricken the Secret Service mobilized and descended on the farm in force. When they got there, the wreckage was clear. The aircraft was totally destroyed with only a burned hulk left smouldering in a tree line that bordered a farm.

Secret Service descended upon the smoking hulk but could find no remains of the crew or the President’s staff. To their amazement, a lone farmer was ploughing a field not too far away as if nothing at all happened.

They hurried over to surround the man’s tractor. “Sir,” the senior Secret Service agent asked, panting and out of breath. “Did you see this terrible accident happen?”

“Yep. Sure did.” The man muttered unconcernedly.

“Do you realize that is the President of the United States airplane?”

“Yep.” Answered the mane.

“Were there any survivors?” the agent gasped.

“Nope. They all kilt straight out.” The farmer sighed cutting off his tractor motor. “I done buried them all myself. Took most of the morning.”

“The President of the United States is dead?” The agent gulped in disbelief.

“Well,” the farmer sighed, obviously wanting to get back to his work. “He kept a-saying he wasn’t… but you know what a liar he is.”

Automatic Aeroplane

Jun 4, 2021

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The world’s first fully computerized airliner was ready for its maiden flight without pilots or crew. The plane taxied to the loading area automatically, its doors opened automatically, the steps came out automatically. The passengers boarded the plane and took their seats.

The steps retreated automatically, the doors closed, and the airplane taxied toward the runway.

“Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen,” a voice intoned. “Welcome to the debut of the world’s first fully computerized airliner. Everything on this aircraft is run electronically. Just sit back and relax. Nothing can go wrong … Nothing can go wrong…nothing can go wrong….”

Jet Fuel

Jun 4, 2021

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A couple of drinkin’ buddies, who are airplane mechanics, are in the hanger at SFO; it’s fogged in and they have nothing to do. One of them says to the other, “Man, have you got anything to drink?”

“Nah, but I hear you can drink jet fuel – that’ll kinda give you a buzz.”

So they do, get smashed and have a beautiful time; like only drinkin’ buddies can do. The following morning, one of them wakes up and he knows his head will explode if he gets up. But it doesn’t. He gets up and feels good, in fact, he feels great! NO hangover!

The phone rings, it’s his buddy. The buddy says, “Hey, how do you feel?” He says, “I feel great!!” and his buddy says, “I feel great too!! You don’t have a hangover?” and he says, “No – that jet fuel is great stuff! No hangover! We ought to do this more often!” “Yeah, we could, but there’s just one thing…”

“What’s that?”
“Did you fart yet?”
“What??”
“Did you FART yet??”
“No…”
“Well, DON’T, ’cause I’m in another country!!”