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Accident

Bus Accident

Jun 5, 2021

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There was a terrible bus accident. Unfortunately, no one survived the accident except a monkey which was on board and there were no witnesses. The police try to investigate further but they get no results. At last, they try to interrogate the monkey. The monkey seems to respond to their questions with gestures. Seeing that, they start asking the questions.

The police chief asks, “What were the people doing on the bus?” The monkey shakes his head in a condemning manner and starts dancing around; meaning the people were dancing and having fun.

The chief asks, “Yeah, but what else were they doing?”. The monkey uses his hand and takes it to his mouth as if holding a bottle.

The chief says, “Oh! They were drinking, huh??!” The chief continues, “Okay, were they doing anything else?” The monkey nods his head and moves his mouth back and forth, meaning they were talking.

The chief loses his patience, “If they were having such a great time, who was driving the stupid bus then?” The monkey cheerfully swings his arms to the sides as if grabbing a wheel.

Great News

Jun 5, 2021

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The day after a man lost his wife in a scuba diving accident, he was greeted by two grim-faced policemen at his door.
“We’re sorry to call on you at this hour, Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife.”

“Well, tell me!” the man said. The policeman said, “We have some bad news, some good news and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?”

Fearing the worse, Mr. Wilkens said, “Give me the bad news first.”

So the policeman said, “I’m sorry to tell you sir, but this morning we found your wife’s body in San Francisco Bay.”
“Oh my god!,” said Mr. Wilkens, overcome by emotion. Then, remembering what the policeman had said, he asked, “What’s the good news?”

“Well,” said the policeman, “When we pulled her up she had two five-pound lobsters and a dozen good size Dungeoness crabs on her.”

“If that’s the good news than what’s the great news?!”, Mr. Wilkens demanded.

The policeman said, “We’re going to pull her up again tomorrow morning.”

Politicians Accident

Jun 5, 2021

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A bus load of politicians were driving down a country road one afternoon, when all of a sudden, the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in an old farmer’s field. Seeing what happened, the old farmer went over to investigate. He then proceeded to dig a hole and bury the politicians.

A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus, and asked the old farmer, “Were they all dead?”

The old farmer replied, “Well, some of them said they weren’t, but you know how them politicians lie.”

Don’t Step on Ducks

Jun 4, 2021

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Three women die in a car accident and go to Heaven. Saint Peter meets them at the Gates and welcomes then saying, “you can do as you please in here, just don’t step on any ducks.”

The women are puzzled buy proceed into Heaven. Looking around, they notice there are ducks everywhere.

In a matter of minutes, one of the woman steps on a duck. Saint Peter walks up to that woman with a very ugly man. Saint Peter then shackles that man and woman together and says, “for stepping on the duck, you have to spend eternity chained to this ugly man.”

The other two women are shocked buy go about their business until, sure enough, another woman steps on a duck. Immediately, Saint Peter came and shackles her with another ugly man.

The last woman tries desperately to not step on any duck. After a few months of not stepping on any ducks, Saint Peter walks up to the last woman accompanied by a stunningly handsome man.

Saint Peter then shackles the woman to this man and after a while, the woman being thrilled to be chained to such a handsome man, says, “I don’t know what I did to deserve to be shackles with such a handsome man like you.” The man replies, “I don’t know what you did lady, but I stepped on a duck.”