Where is my Parakeet

Jun 6, 2021

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A carpet layer had just finished installing carpet for a lady. He stepped out for a smoke, only to realize he’d lost his cigarettes.

In the middle of the room, under the carpet, was a bump. “No sense pulling up the entire floor for one pack of smokes,” he said to himself.

He proceeded to get out his hammer and flattened the hump. As he was cleaning up, the lady came in. “Here,” she said, handling him his pack of cigarettes. “I found them in the hallway.”

“Now,” she said, “if only I could find my parakeet.”

Photographer in the Sky

Jun 6, 2021

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A photographer from a well know national magazine was assigned to cover the fires at Yellowstone National Park. When the photographer arrived, he realised that the smoke was so thick that it would seriously impede or make it impossible for him to photograph anything from ground level. He requested permission to rent a plane and take photos from the air.

He arrived at the airport and saw a plane warming up near the gate. He jumped in with his bag and shouted, “Let’s go!” The pilot swung the little plane into the wind, and within minutes they were in the air.

The photographer said, “Fly over the park and make two or three low passes so I can Take some pictures.”

“Why?” asked the pilot.

“Because I’m a photographer,” he responded, “and photographers take photographs.”

The pilot was silent for a moment; finally he stammered, “You mean you’re not the flight instructor?”

The Angry Plumber

Jun 6, 2021

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A lady was expecting the plumber. He was supposed to come at ten o’clock.

Ten o’clock came and went, no plumber. Eleven o’clock, twelve o’clock, one o’clock, no plumber.

She concluded he wasn’t coming, and went out to do some errands.

While she was out, the plumber arrived. He knocked on the door, the lady’s parrot, who was at home in a cage by the door, said, “Who is it?”

He replied, “It’s the plumber.”
He thought it was the lady who’d said, “Who is it?” and waited for her to come and let him in.

When this didn’t happen he knocked again, and again the parrot said, “Who is it?”He said, “It’s the plumber!”

He waited, and again the lady didn’t come to let him in. He knocked again, and again the parrot said, “Who is it?”

He said, “It’s the plumber!!!!!!!!” Again he waited; again she didn’t come, again he knocked; again the parrot said, “Who is it?”, “Aarrrrrrgggggghhhhhhh!!!” he said.

Flying into a rage, he pushed the door in and ripped it off its hinges. He suffered a heart attack and he fell dead in the doorway.

The lady came home from her errands, only to see the door ripped off its hinges and a corpse lying in the doorway.

“A dead body!” she exclaimed, “Who is it?!” The parrot said, “It’s the plumber.”

New Job

Jun 6, 2021

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Several weeks after a young man had been hired, he was called into the personnel director’s office. “What is the meaning of this?” the director asked. “When you applied for this job, you told us you had five years experience. Now we discovered this is the first job you’ve ever held.”

The young man replied, “Well, in your advertisement, you said you wanted somebody with great imagination.”

Two Inmates in a Nut House

Jun 6, 2021

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A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds, and he entered a patient’s room to find his patient sitting on the floor, sawing at a piece of wood with the side of his hand. Meanwhile, another patient was in the room, hanging from the ceiling by his feet.

The doctor asked his patient what he was doing, sitting on the floor.
The patient replied in an irritated fashion,”Can’t you see I’m sawing this piece of wood in half?”

The doctor inquired, “And what is the fellow hanging from the ceiling doing?”
“Oh. He’s my friend, but he’s a little crazy. He thinks he’s a light bulb.”

The doctor asks, “If he’s your friend, don’t you think you should get him down from there before he hurts himself?”
“What? And work in the dark?”