Running Out of Places

Jun 5, 2021

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During a patient’s two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, the patient inform his doctor that he was having trouble with one of his medications.

“Which one?” the doctor asked.

“The patch”, the patient answered. “The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I’m running out of places to put it!”

The doctor had him quickly undress and discovered the man had over fifty patches on his body!

Now the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.

Read the Chart

Jun 5, 2021

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A doctor was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test.

He placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, “Cover your right eye with your hand.” The patient read the 20/20 line perfectly.

“Now your left.” Again, a flawless read.

“Now both,” The doctor requested. There was silence. The patient couldn’t even read the large E on the top line.

The doctor turned and discovered that he had done exactly covered both eyes.

Big Chief Forget-me Not

Jun 5, 2021

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An Australian travel writer touring Canada was checking out of the Vancouver Hilton, and as he paid his bill said to the manager, “By the way, what’s with the Indian chief sitting in the lobby? He’s been there ever since I arrived.”

“Oh that’s ‘Big Chief Forget-me Not’,” said the manager. “The hotel is built on an Indian reservation, and part of the agreement is to allow the chief free use of the premises for the rest of his life. He is known as ‘Big Chief Forget-me Not’ because of his phenomenal memory. He is 92 and can remember the slightest details of his life.”

The travel writer took this in, and as he was waiting for his cab decided to put the chief’s memory to the test.

“G’dye, myte!” said the Aussie, receiving only a slight nod in return. “What did you have for breakfast on your 21st birthday?”

“Eggs,” was the chief’s instant reply, without even looking up, and indeed the Aussie was impressed.

He went off on his travel writing itinerary, right across to the east coast and back, telling others of Big Chief Forget-Me-Not’s great memory. (One local noted to him that ‘How’ was a more appropriate greeting for an Indian chief than ‘G’dye myte.’

On his return to the Vancouver Hilton six months later, he was surprised to see ‘Big Chief Forget-me Not’ still sitting in the lobby, fully occupied with whittling away on a stick.

“How,” said the Aussie.

“Scrambled,” said the Chief.

Right Password

Jun 5, 2021

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A customer couldn’t get on the internet.

Helpdesk: Are you sure you used the right password?

Customer: Yes I’m sure. I saw my colleague do it.

Helpdesk: Can you tell me what the password was?

Customer: Five stars.

Programmer and Engineer

Jun 5, 2021

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A programmer and an engineer are sitting next to each other on a long flight from Los Angeles to New York.

The programmer leans over to the engineer and asks if he would like to play a fun game. The engineer just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.

The programmer persists and explains that the game is real easy and is a lot of fun. He explains “I ask you a question, and if you don’t know the answer, you pay me $5. Then you ask me a question, and if I don’t know the answer, I’ll pay you $5.

“Again, the engineer politely declines and tries to get to sleep. The programmer, now somewhat agitated, says, “OK, if you don’t know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don’t know the answer, I’ll pay you $100!

“This catches the engineer’s attention, and he sees no end to this torment unless he plays, so he agrees to the game.

The programmer asks the first question. “What’s the distance from the earth to the moon?” The engineer doesn’t say a word, but reaches into his wallet, pulls out a five dollar bill and hands it to the programmer.

Now, it’s the engineer’s turn. He asks the programmer “What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down on four?”

The programmer looks up at him with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all of his references. He taps into the airplane’s phone with his modem and searches the net and the Library of Congress. Still frustrated, he sends e-mail to his co-workers–all to no avail.

After about an hour, he wakes the Engineer and hands him $100. The engineer politely takes the $100 and turns away to try to get back to sleep.

The programmer, more than a little miffed, shakes the engineer and asks “Well, so what’s the answer?” Without a word, the engineer reaches into his wallet, hands the programmer $5, and turns away to get back to sleep.