The boss was complaining in our staff meeting the other day that he wasn’t getting any respect. The next day, he brought a small sign that read: “I’m the Boss!” He then taped it to his office door.
Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said: “Your wife called, she wants her sign back!”
When my printer’s type began to grow faint, I called a local repair shop where a friendly man informed me that the printer probably needed only to be cleaned.
Because the store charged $50 for such cleanings, he told me, I might be better off reading the printer’s manual and trying the job myself.
Pleasantly surprised by his candor, I asked, “Does your boss know that you discourage business?”
“Actually it’s my boss’s idea,” the employee replied sheepishly. “We usually make more money on repairs if we let people try to fix things themselves first.”
The young accounting graduate, fresh out of uni and knowing everything, applied for his first job. The prospective employer asked him what starting salary he was looking for. “Oh, around $100,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.” Graduate replied.
“Well, how does this sound? Five weeks annual leave, 22.5% superannuation, paid expenses to overseas conferences every year, home telephone reimbursed and a company car replaced every 20,000 kilometers, say a Mercedes convertible.” Employer offered.
The graduate sat up straight and tried not to look excited. “Wow. Are you kidding?” “Yeah. But you started it.”
Customer: “My computer crashed!”
Tech Support: “It crashed?”
Customer: “Yeah, it won’t let me play my game.”
Tech Support: “All right, hit Control-Alt-Delete to reboot.”
Customer: “No, it didn’t crash-it crashed.”
Tech Support: “Huh?”
Customer: “I crashed my game. That’s what I said before. I crashed mySpaceship and now it doesn’t work.”
Tech Support: “Click on ‘File,’ then ‘New Game.'”
Customer: [pause] “Wow! How’d you learn how to do that?”
Dr. Leroy, the head psychiatrist at the local mental hospital, is examining patients to see if they’re cured and ready to re-enter society.
“So, Mr. Clark,” the doctor says to one of his patients, “I see by your chart that you’ve been recommended for dismissal. Do you have any idea what you might do once you’re released?”
The patient thinks for a moment, then replies, “Well, I went to school for mechanical engineering. That’s still a good field, good money there. But on the other hand, I thought I might write a book about my experience here in the hospital, what it’s like to be a patient here. People might be interested in reading a book like that.
In addition, I thought I might go back to college and study art history, which I’ve grown interested in lately.”
Dr. Leroy nods and says, “Yes, those all sound like intriguing possibilities.”
The patient replies, “And the best part is, in my spare time, I can go on being a teapot.”
Tech Support: “All right… now double-click on the File Manager icon.”
Customer: “That’s why I hate this Windows – because of the icons I’ma Protestant, and I don’t believe in icons.”
Tech Support: “Well, that’s just an industry term sir. I don’t Believe it was meant to-”
Customer: “I don’t care about any ‘Industry Terms’. I don’t believe in icons.”
Tech Support: “Well…why don’t you click on the ‘little picture’ of a filing cabinet…is ‘little picture’ OK?”
Customer: [click]
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