As I was admitted the hospital for a procedure, the clerk asked for my wrist, saying ” I’m going to give you a bracelet.”
” Has it got Rubies and Diamonds ? ” I ask coyly.
” No, ” he said. ” But it’ll cost just as much. “
High Medical Cost
Home Recommended
Helpline – F8
Helpdesk: And now hit F8.
Customer: It’s not working.
Helpdesk: What did you do, exactly?
Customer: I hit the F-key 8-times as you told me, but nothing’s happening…
Health Care
The Queen of England is touring an American Hospital with the Surgeon General.
As they walk through the corridors she looks into a patient’s room. In the room, is a man laying on his bed masturbating. “Oh my stars! What on earth is going on in there?!” exclaimed the Queen.
The Surgeon General replied, “Why mam, this man has a serious testicle disorder, if he does not relieve himself this way at least five times a day, they will fill up with semen and explode.” “Oh, the poor dear!” the Queen said sorrowfully.
Further up the hall the queen looks into another patient’s room and there is a man laying on his bed with a nurse giving him a blow job!
“That’s disgusting!” exclaimed the queen, “What’s going on in there?!”
The Surgeon General replied, “same problem, better health plan.”
Be on the Lookout for these Despicable Viruses
Be on the lookout for these despicable viruses. No current virus-protection software can even detect these, much less help your system once they are on it. Beware!!!
Woody Allen Virus: Bypasses the motherboard and turns on a daughter card.
Tonya Harding Virus: Turns your .BAT files into lethal weapons.
Paul Revere Virus: Warns of an impending virus infection: 1 if by LAN, 2 if by C:\
Ollie North Virus: Plays a patriotic .WAV while it shreds your files.
Joey Buttafuaco Virus: Only attacks minor files.
Michael Jackson Virus: Preys on child processes.
Ronald Reagan Virus: Saves your data, but forgets where it’s stored.
Jane Fonda Virus: Attacks your hard drive’s FAT.
Oprah Winfrey Virus: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands to 300MB.
AT&T Virus: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.
MCI Virus: Every three minutes it reminds you that you’re paying too much for the AT&T virus.
Politically Correct Virus: Never calls itself a “virus,” but instead refers to itself as an “electronic microorganism.”
Ross Perot Virus: Activates every component in your system, just before the whole darn thing quits.
Arnold Schwarzenegger Virus: Terminates and stays resident. It’ll be back.
Government Economist Virus: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.
Federal Bureaucrat Virus: Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer.
Adam and Eve Virus: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple computer.
Congressional Virus #1: The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.
Congressional Virus #2: Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously but doesn’t allow the user to accomplish anything.
Airline Virus: You’re in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.
Freudian Virus: Your computer becomes obsessed with its own motherboard, or becomes very jealous of the size of your friend’s hard drive.
PBS Virus: Your computer stops every few minutes to ask for money.
Jimmy Hoffa Virus: Your programs can never be found again.
LAPD Virus: It claims it feels threatened by the other files on your PC and erases them in “self-defense.”
O.J. Virus: It claims that it did not, could not, and would not delete two of your files and vows to find the virus that did it.
Life and the Computer
Don’t you wish when life is bad and things just don’t compute that all we really had to do was stop and hit reboot?
Things would all turn out ok life could be so sweet if we had those special keys ctrl and alt delete
Your boss is mad, your bills not paid, your wife, well she’s just mute. Just stop and hit those wonderful keys that make it all reboot.
You’d like to have another job you fear living in the street? You solve it all and start anew ctrl and alt delete.
ID Ten T Error
Young Jane, the editor of a news publication, was having trouble with her computer. So she called Tim, the computer guy, over to her desk.
Tim clicked a couple buttons and solved the problem.
As he was walking away, Jane called after him, “So, what was wrong?”
And he replied, “It was an ID ten T error.”
A puzzled expression ran riot over Jane’s face. “An ID ten T error? What’s that … in case I need to fix it again??”
He gave her a grin… 😉 … “Haven’t you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?”
“No,” replied Jane.
“Write it down,” he said, “and I think you’ll figure it out.”
(She wrote…) I D 1 0 T Error
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