Sunday, February 23, 2025
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Best Wife Jokes Times

John and Jessica were on their way home from the bar one night after drinking. John was driving and got pulled over by the police. The officer told John that he was stopped because one of his tail lights was burned out. John said, “I’m very sorry officer, I didn’t realize it was out, I’ll get it fixed right away.” Just then Jessica said, “I knew this would happen when I told you two days ago to get that light fixed.”

So after hearing this, the officer asked for John’s license and after looking at it said, “Sir, your license has expired.” And again, John apologised and mentioned that he didn’t realise that it had expired and would take care of it first thing in the morning. Jessica said, “I told you a week ago that the state sent you a letter telling you that your license had expired.”

Well by this time, John is a bit upset with his wife contradicting him in front of the officer, and he said in a rather loud voice, “JESSICA, WILL YOU SHUT UP!”

The officer then leaned over towards Jessica and asked, “Does your husband always talk to you like that?” Jessica replied, “Nope, not always. Only when he is drunk.”

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New User Troubles Jokes TImes

AOL: America Online, this is Debby, how may I help you this evening?
Me Yes, I’m trying to become an AOL member, but I’m having problems making my account.

AOL: Okay, what happening?
Me: It disconnects me saying Invalid Credit Card.

AOL: What kind of credit card are you using?
Me: Visa.

AOL: Are you sure your card isn’t expired?
Me: Actually, it’s a stolen credit card.

AOL: Pardon, sir?
Me: Yeah, I stole it. I just jumped some guy and pounded him until he gave me his card.

AOL: Umm, sir I’m sorry I can’t help you.
Me: Aww, c’mon, I’ll give you a cookie.

AOL: Sir I have to go.

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Cybersex Jokes Times

AOL: America Online, this is Diane speaking.
Me: Hi, I have some questions about American Online before I join.
AOL: Okay sir what’s your question?
Me: Well, some of my friends who have AOL say they get something
called “cybersex”… does this cost extra?
AOL: :::quiet laugh in the background::: Well sir…I don’t know
how to explain this, but cybersex is not part of America Online.
Me: Oh really? My friends said they got it from AOL.
AOL: Well its something members typically do when they go to a chat room.
Me: Humm…I don’t understand, what is cybersex??
AOL: I’m sorry I really don’t know how to explain it.
Me: Humm..well, have you ever had cybersex?
AOL: Sir I don’t think that’s an appropriate question to be
asking me. Is there anything else you need?
Me: Sorry, like I said I don’t even know what it is.
AOL: That’s okay sir, anything else?
Me: Yes, I have one more question.
AOL: Go ahead
Me: What are you wearing?
AOL: …

High Urinals Jokes Times

A group of Kentucky second, third, and fourth graders, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to Churchill Downs, the famous Louisville race track, to see and learn about thoroughbred horses.

When it was time to take the children to the bathroom, it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other.

The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men’s room when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal. Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their pants, and began hoisting the boys up, one by one, holding onto their “wee-wees” to direct the flow away from their clothes.

As she lifted one, she couldn’t help but notice that he was unusually well endowed. Trying not to show that she was staring, the teacher said, “You must be in the fourth grade.”

He replied, “No, ma’am, I’m riding Silver Arrow in the 7th race today.

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Helpdesk - Keyboard Jokes TImes

Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.

Helpdesk: Are you sure it’s plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can’t get behind the computer.

Helpdesk: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: OK

Helpdesk: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes

Helpdesk: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there’s another one here. Ah…that one does work!

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Microsoft Technician at Shooting Range Jokes Times

It was decided by Microsoft during a brilliant brainstorming session that military service would improve the skills and discipline of their finest technician. So off to boot camp he went.

At the rifle range, he was given some instruction, a rifle, and bullets. He fired several shots at the target. The report came from the target area that all attempts had completely missed the target.

The Microsoft tech looked at his rifle and then at the target again. “Hmmm.,” he thought, “I’ll get to the bottom of this in no time.”

He looked at the rifle again, and then at the target again. He pointed his still loaded rifle at the ground in front of him and fired. A cloud of dust kicked up, and a little dimple was left there in the dust.

“Yep, it’s working,” he concluded.

The technician yelled out to the others at the target end, “The rifle is in working order, and the bullet seems to be leaving this end just fine. The trouble must be at your end!”

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