A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
The tech asked her if she was “running it under Windows.” The woman responded, “No, my desk is next to the door. But that’s a good point.
The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his is working fine.”
NOW REPEAT AFTER ME …
I will NOT have bad luck, lose my friends, lose my mailing lists, hear music, or see a cool pop up screen if I don’t forward this.
Bill Gates is NOT going to send me money.
Victoria’s Secret does NOT know anything about a gift certificate they’re supposed to send me, and Ford will NOT give me a 50% discount even if I forward my e-mail to more than 50 people.
I will NEVER receive gift certificates, coupons or freebies from Coca Cola, Cracker Barrel, or Old Navy if I send this to 10 people who don’t know who I am anyway.
I will NEVER see a pop up window if I forward this …. NEVER!!!!
My phone will NOT mysteriously ring after I forward this.
There is NO SUCH THING as an Email tracker, and I am NOT STUPID ENOUGH to think that someone will send me $100 for forwarding this to 10 or more people.
There is NO kid with cancer through the Make-a-Wish program in England collecting anything. Maybe he did when he was 7 years old, but he is now cancer free and 35 years old and DOESN’T WANT ANY MORE POSTCARDS, CALLING CARDS OR GET WELL CARDS!
The government does NOT have a bill in Congress called 901B (or whatever they named it this week) that if passed will enable them to charge us 5 cents for every sent e-mail.
There will be NO cool dancing, singing, waving, colorful flower, character, or program I will receive immediately after I forward this. People are just trying to talk me into doing it to make me look like a fool.
A couple of drinkin’ buddies, who are airplane mechanics, are in the hanger at SFO; it’s fogged in and they have nothing to do. One of them says to the other, “Man, have you got anything to drink?”
“Nah, but I hear you can drink jet fuel – that’ll kinda give you a buzz.”
So they do, get smashed and have a beautiful time; like only drinkin’ buddies can do. The following morning, one of them wakes up and he knows his head will explode if he gets up. But it doesn’t. He gets up and feels good, in fact, he feels great! NO hangover!
The phone rings, it’s his buddy. The buddy says, “Hey, how do you feel?” He says, “I feel great!!” and his buddy says, “I feel great too!! You don’t have a hangover?” and he says, “No – that jet fuel is great stuff! No hangover! We ought to do this more often!” “Yeah, we could, but there’s just one thing…”
“What’s that?”
“Did you fart yet?”
“What??”
“Did you FART yet??”
“No…”
“Well, DON’T, ’cause I’m in another country!!”
A dentist was getting ready to clean an elderly lady’s teeth.
He noticed that she was a little nervous, so he began to tell her a story as he was putting on his surgical gloves…
“Do you know how they make these rubber gloves?”
She said, “No?”
“Well,” he spoofed, “down in Mexico they have this big building set up with a large tank of latex, and the workers are all picked according to hand size.
Each individual walks up to the tank, dips their hands in, and then walk around for a bit while the latex sets up and dries right onto their hands!
Then they peel off the gloves and throw them into the big ‘Finished Goods Crate’ and start the process all over again.”
And she didn’t laugh a bit!!! Five minutes later, during the procedure, he had to stop cleaning her teeth because she burst out laughing.
The old woman blushed and exclaimed, “I just suddenly thought about how they must make Laytex Condoms
A beautiful young girl is about to undergo a minor operation.
She’s laid on a hospital trolley bed with nothing on, except a sheet over her.
The nurse pushes the trolley down the corridor towards the operating theatre, where she leaves the girl on the trolley outside, while she goes in to check whether everything is ready.
A young man wearing a white coat approaches, lifts the sheet up and starts examining her naked body. He puts the sheet back and then walks away and talks to another man in a white coat.
The second man comes over, lifts the sheet and does the same examinations. When a third man does the same thing, but more closely, she grows impatient and says: “All these examinations are fine and appreciated, but when are you going to start the operation?”
The man in the white coat shrugged his shoulders: “I have no idea.We’re just painting the corridor.”
A Tech Support for Hewlett-Packard’s DeskJet division for about a month when he had a customer call with a problem on her printer that he just couldn’t solve.
The customer could not print yellow on her printer. All the other colors would print fine, which truly baffled the tech support because the only true colors are cyan, magenta, and yellow. For instance, green is a combination of cyan and yellow, but green printed fine.
Every color of the rainbow printed fine except for yellow. He had the customer change ink cartridges. He had the customer delete and reinstall the drivers. Nothing worked. He asked my coworkers for help; they offered no new ideas. After over two hours of troubleshooting, he was about to tell the customer to send the printer in for repair when she asked quietly, “Should I try printing on a piece of white paper instead of this yellow paper?”
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