I’m trying to see things from your point of view, but I can’t get my head that far up my ass.
An Insult
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Lost In Seattle
A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft’s electronic navigation and communications equipment. Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter’s position and course to steer to the airport.
The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew a handwritten sign, and held it in the helicopter’s window. The pilot’s sign said ‘WHERE AM I?’ in large letters.
People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said ‘YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER.’
The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely.
After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how the ‘YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER’ sign helped determine their position.
The pilot responded ‘I knew that had to be the MICROSOFT building because they gave me a technically correct, but completely useless answer.’
Computer Helpline Screensaver
Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screensaver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears!
New Member in Family
For weeks a six-year old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house.
One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child. The six-year old was obviously impressed, but made no comment. Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about the impending event.
The teacher finally sat the boy on her lap and said, “Tommy, whatever has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?”
Tommy burst into tears and confessed, “I think Mommy ate it!”
Opposite Cursor
A user was all confused about why the cursor always moved in the opposite direction from the movement of the mouse. She also complained that the buttons were difficult to depress.
She was very embarrassed when we asked her to rotate the mouse so the tail pointed away from her.
Artificial Intelligence
An Annapolis computer science major was given an artificial intelligence assignment for one of his classes. He ended up creating a program where you could have a conversation with your computer based on your IQ level.
To test his program he entered 80 and had a conversation with his Soap Operas. He entered 100 and talked about politics. He entered 150 and talked about nuclear physics.
Just to see what would happen he entered a -50 and the computer bumped and belched and sparked and smoked for a good 10 minutes. When it finally settled down it displayed “On Brave Old Army Team…..”
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