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Little Boy on the Bus

Jun 5, 2021

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A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards. The little boy asked why he wore his collar backwards.

The man, who was a priest, said, ‘I am a Father.’

The little boy replied, ‘My Daddy doesn’t wear his collar like that.’

The priest looked up from his book and answered, ”I am the Father of many.’

The boy said, ”My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn’t wear his collar that way!’

The priest, getting impatient, said ‘I am the Father of hundreds’, and went back to reading his book.

The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said, ‘Maybe you should wear a condom and put your pants on backwards instead of your collar.’

The Perfect Husband

Jun 5, 2021

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There are several men in the locker room of a private club after exercising.

Suddenly a cell phone that was on one of the benches rings. A man picks it up and the following conversation ensues:

“Hello?”

“Honey, It’s me. Are you at the club?”

“Yes.”

“Great! I am at the mall 2 blocks from where you are. I saw a beautiful mink coat… It is absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy it?”

“What’s the price?”

“Only $1,500.00”

“Well, OK, go ahead and get, if you like it that much…”

“Ahhh and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2005 models. I saw one I really liked. I spoke with the salesman and he gave me a really good price … and since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year…”

“What price did he quote you?”

“Only $60,000…”

“OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.”

“Great! Before we hang up, something else…”

“What?”

“It might look like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and…I stopped by the real estate agent this morning and I saw the house we had looked at last year. It’s on sale!! Remember? The one with a pool, English Garden, acre of park area, beachfront property…”

“How much are they asking?”

“Only $450,000… a magnificent price, and I see that we have that much in the bank to cover…”

“Well, than go ahead and buy it, but just bid $420,000. OK?”

“OK, sweetie… Thanks! I’ll see you later!! I love you!!!”

“Bye… I do too…”

The man hangs up, closes the phone’s flap and raises his hand while holding the phone and asks to all those present: “Does anyone know who this phone belongs to?”

The Real Boss

Jun 5, 2021

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The boss was complaining in our staff meeting the other day that he wasn’t getting any respect. The next day, he brought a small sign that read: “I’m the Boss!” He then taped it to his office door.

Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said: “Your wife called, she wants her sign back!”

Printer Cleaning

Jun 5, 2021

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When my printer’s type began to grow faint, I called a local repair shop where a friendly man informed me that the printer probably needed only to be cleaned.

Because the store charged $50 for such cleanings, he told me, I might be better off reading the printer’s manual and trying the job myself.

Pleasantly surprised by his candor, I asked, “Does your boss know that you discourage business?”

“Actually it’s my boss’s idea,” the employee replied sheepishly. “We usually make more money on repairs if we let people try to fix things themselves first.”

Brussels Police

Jun 5, 2021

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“Brussels police department, how may I assist you?”

“Uh.. yes.. I just got hit in the face with a cream pie.”

“Okay, sir. Have you called the Brussels police department before?”

“No”

“Well, let me get a little information about you for our records.
Your name?”

“Bill Gates”

“Country?”

“USA”

“Native language?”

“English”

“Okay, sir. Your police department ID number is BP31415927. Please
use this number the next time you call. Now, you say you were hit in
the face with a pie?”

“Yes, I was just about to meet with the Belgian Prime Minister. One
person distracted me while another hit me with a cream pie.”

“We’ve had other customers report that they were hit in the face with
a custard pie. Are you sure it was a cream pie?”

“Well, I have white stuff all over my face and I don’t see any
custard, so I really don’t think it was a custard pie.”

“Have you visited the Prime Minister before?”

“Yes”

“Were you hit in the face with a pie then?”

“No”

“Hmm… have you visited any other Prime Ministers in the past month?”

“Yes”

“Any pies then?”

“No”

“Okay, well.. let’s try something. Go outside the building and come
in again. I’ll wait.”

“Just a minute..” “Okay, I’m back.”

“Did you get hit by another pie?”

“Of course not”

“Well sir, I don’t know what could have caused the first pie, but it
looks like things are working fine now. I’ll make a note of the
problem, though. If it happens again, please note the exact details
of the situation and call us again. Thank you for calling the
Brussels Police Department. “

Do What He Says

Jun 5, 2021

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An escaped convict broke into a house and tied up a young couple who had been sleeping in the bedroom.

As soon as he had a chance, the husband turned to his voluptuous young wife, bound-up on the bed in a skimpy nightgown, and whispered, “Honey, this guy hasn’t seen a woman in years. Just cooperate with anything he wants. If he wants to have sex with you, just go along with it and pretend you like it.

Our lives depend on it!”

“Dear,” the wife hissed, spitting out her gag, “I’m so relieved you feel that way, because he just told me he thinks you have a really nice, tight-looking ass!”