Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate.
After an hour-long wait, it finally took off. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, “What was the problem?” “The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine,” explained the Flight Attendant, “and it took us a while to find a new pilot.”
When I was in junior. high, all I wanted was a girl with big tits. In high school, I dated a girl with big tits, but there was no passion. So I decided I needed a passionate girl.
In college, I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency, she cried all the time. So I decided I needed a girl with some stability.
I found a very stable girl, but she was boring. She never got excited about anything. So I decided I needed a girl with some excitement. I found an exciting girl, but I couldn’t keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She was directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some ambition.
After college, I found an ambitious girl and married her. She was so ambitious, she divorced me and took everything I owned. Now all I want is a girl with big tits.
During a patient’s two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, the patient inform his doctor that he was having trouble with one of his medications.
“Which one?” the doctor asked.
“The patch”, the patient answered. “The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I’m running out of places to put it!”
The doctor had him quickly undress and discovered the man had over fifty patches on his body!
Now the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
A man attempting to set up his new printer called the printer’s Tech Support number, complaining about the error message: “Can’t find the printer.” On the phone, the man said he even held the printer up in front of the screen, but the computer still couldn’t find it.
A doctor was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test.
He placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, “Cover your right eye with your hand.” The patient read the 20/20 line perfectly.
“Now your left.” Again, a flawless read.
“Now both,” The doctor requested. There was silence. The patient couldn’t even read the large E on the top line.
The doctor turned and discovered that he had done exactly covered both eyes.
There are some children in a class naming animals and they come across a picture of a deer.
So the teacher asks Bobby, “What is this animal called?”
“I dunno,” claims Bobby.
So then she says, “I’ll give you a hint: it’s what your mother calls your father.”
The boy thinks for a minute and then says, “Oh that’s what a son of a bitch looks like!”
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