A small boy was lost at a large shopping mall. He Approached a uniformed policeman and said, “I’ve lost my Grandpa!” The cop asked, “What’s he like?”
The little boy hesitated for a moment and then replied,
“Crown Royal whiskey and women with big tits.”
A father watched his daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and innocent his little girl was. Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her and noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.
“Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?” she asked. “They’re mating,”her father replied.
“What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?” she asked.
“That’s a Daddy Longlegs.” Her father answered.
“So, the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?” the little girl asked.
“No,” her father replied. “Both of them are Daddy Longlegs.”
The little girl thought for a moment, then took her foot and stomped them flat.
“Well, that might be OK in California, BUT we’re not having any of that crap in Texas”
One night, a little blind boy’s mother said to him, “Anthony, if you pray really, REALLY hard tonight, when the sun rises tomorrow you will be able to see!”
Needless to say, Anthony prays up a storm!
Morning came and Anthony is still blind.
He starts crying and his mom rushes in. She gasps, “Anthony, what’s wrong?”
Anthony wails, “Mommy, I prayed so hard but I’m still blind!”
His Mom gently pats him on the head.
“I know, honey. April Fools!”
One day a teacher had a taste test with her students. She picked a little boy to do the first test. She blindfolded him, put a Hershey kiss in his mouth and asked, “Do you know what it is?”
“No, I don’t,” said the little boy.
“Okay, I’ll give you a clue. It’s the thing your daddy wants from your Mom before he goes to work.”
Suddenly, a little girl at the back of the room yelled, “Spit it out! It’s a piece of Ass.
A man and a little boy entered a barbershop together. After the man received the full treatment – shave, shampoo, manicure, haircut, etc. – he placed the boy in the chair.
“I’m going’ to buy a green tie to wear for the parade,” he said. “I’ll be back in a few minutes.”
When the boy’s haircut was completed and the man still hadn’t returned, the barber said, “Looks like your daddy’s forgotten all about you.”
“That wasn’t my daddy,” said the boy. “He just walked up, took me by the hand and said, ‘Come on, son, we’re gonna get a free haircut!'”
Questions concerning love and wisdom were posed to a group of children (ages 5 to 10). Their responses were amazingly astute and very enlightening, thus proving that all we need to know, we probably learned in kindergarten.
WHAT IS THE PROPER AGE TO GET MARRIED?
“Eighty-four. Because at that age, you don’t have to work anymore, and you can spend all your time loving each other in your bedroom.” (Judy, 8)
“Once I’m done with kindergarten, I’m going to find me a wife.” (Tommy, 5)
WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
“On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.” (Mike,10)
WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
“You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy her a big ring and her own VCR, ’cause she’ll want to have videos of the wedding.” (Jim, 10)
“Never kiss in front of other people. It’s a big embarrassing thing if anybody sees you. But if nobody sees you, I might be willing to try it with a handsome boy, but just for a few hours.” (Kally, 9)
THE GREAT DEBATE: IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
“It’s better for girls to be single, but not for boys. Boys need somebody to clean up after them.” (Lynette, 9)
“It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I’m just a kid. I don’t need that kind of trouble.” (Kenny, 7)
CONCERNING WHY LOVE HAPPENS BETWEEN TWO PEOPLE:
“No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you smell. That’s why perfume and deodorant are so popular.” (Jan, 9)
“I think you’re supposed to get shot with an arrow or something, but the rest of it isn’t supposed to be so painful.” (Harlen, 8)
ON WHAT FALLING IN LOVE IS LIKE:
“Like an avalanche where you have to run for your life.” (Roger, 9)
“If falling in love is anything like learning to spell, I don’t want to do it. It takes to long to learn.” (Leo, 7)
ON THE ROLE OF GOOD LOOKS IN LOVE AND ROMANCE:
“If you want to be loved by somebody who isn’t already in your family, it doesn’t hurt to be beautiful.” (Jeanne, 8)
“It isn’t always just how you look. Look at me. I’m handsome like anything and I haven’t got anybody to marry me yet.” (Gary, 7)
“Beauty is skin deep. But how rich you are can last a longtime.” (Christine,9)
CONCERNING WHY LOVERS OFTEN HOLD HANDS:
“They want to make sure their rings don’t fall off, because they paid good money for them.” (David, 8)
CONFIDENTIAL OPINIONS ABOUT LOVE:
“I’m in favor of love as long as it doesn’t happen when ‘The Simpsons’ are on TV.” (Anita, 6)
“Love will find you, even if you are trying to hide from it. I’ve been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the girls keep finding me.” (Bobby, 8)
“I’m not rushing into being in love. I’m finding fourth grade hard enough.” (Regina, 10)
PERSONAL QUALITIES NECESSARY TO BE A GOOD LOVER:
“One of you should know how to write a check. Because, even if you have tons of love, there is still going to be a lot of bills.”(Ava, 8)
SOME SUREFIRE WAYS TO MAKE A PERSON FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU:
“Tell them that you own a whole bunch of candy stores.” (Del, 6)
“Don’t do things like have smelly, green sneakers. You might get attention, but attention ain’t the same thing as love.” (Alonzo, 9)
“One way is to take the girl out to eat. Make sure it’s something she likes to eat. French fries usually works for me.” (Bart, 9)
HOW CAN YOU TELL IF TWO ADULTS EATING DINER AT A RESTAURANT ARE IN LOVE?
“Just see if the man picks up the check. That’s how you can tell if he’s in love.” (John, 9)
“Lovers will just be staring at each other and their food will get cold. Other people care more about the food,” (Brad, 8)
“It’s love if they order one of those desserts that are on fire. They like to order those because it’s just like their hearts are on fire.” (Christine, 9)
WHAT MOST PEOPLE ARE THINKING WHEN THEY SAY “I LOVE YOU”:
“The person is thinking: Yeah, I really do love him, but I hope he showers at least once a day.” (Michelle, 9)
HOW A PERSON LEARNS TO KISS:
“You learn it right on the spot, when the gooshy feelings get the best of you.” (Doug, 7)
“It might help if you watched soap operas all day.” (Carin, 9)
WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
“It’s never okay to kiss a boy. They always slobber all over you…that’s why I stopped doing it.” (Jean, 10)
HOW TO MAKE LOVE ENDURE:
“Spend most of your time loving instead of going to work.” (Tom, 7)
“Don’t forget your wife’s name…that will mess up the love.” (Roger, 8)
“Be a good kisser. It might make your wife forget that you never take the trash out.” (Randy, 8)
Prev
