Little Girl to her friend: “I’m never having kids. I hear they take nine months to download.”
New Generation
Babysitter
A boy was taking care of his baby sister while his parents went to town shopping. He decided to go fishing and he had to take her along.
“I’ll never do that again!” he told his mother that evening. “I didn’t catch a thing!”
“Oh, next time I’m sure she’ll be quiet and not scare the fish away,” his mother said.
The boy said, “It wasn’t that. She ate all the bait.”
Helping Hand
A little girl was out with her Grandmother when they came across a couple of dogs mating on the sidewalk.”What are they doing, Grandma?” asked the little girl.
The grandmother was embarrassed, so she said, “The dog on top has hurt his paw, and the one underneath is carrying him to the doctor.”
“They’re just like people, aren’t they Grandma?” said the little one.
“How do you mean?” asked the Grandma.
“Offer someone a helping hand,” said the little girl,”and they screw you every time!”
Birthday Party
This lady is giving a party for her granddaughter, and has gone all out. She had a caterer, band, and a hired clown.
Just before the party starts, two bums show up looking for a handout. Feeling sorry for the bums, the woman tells them that they can get a meal if they will chop some wood out back. Gratefully, they head to the rear of the house.
Guests arrive, and all is going well with the children having a wonderful time. But the clown has not shown up and she unsuccessfully tries to entertain the children herself. She happens to look out the window and sees one of the bums doing cartwheels across the lawn.
She watches in awe as he swings from tree branches, does midair flips, and leaps high in the air. She speaks to the other bum and says, “What you friend is doing is absolutely marvelous. I have never seen such a thing.
Do you think your friend would consider repeating this performance for the children at the party? I would pay him $50!”
The bum replies, “Well, I dunno. HEY WILLIE! FOR $50. WOULD YOU CHOP OFF ANOTHER TOE?”
I’ve Got One of These
A little boy and a little girl are playing. The little boy pulls down his shorts and says, “*I* have one of these and you *don’t*.” The little girl starts crying and crying and runs home to her mother. The next day the boy and the girl are playing together again. Once Again the boy points to his private parts and says, “*I* have one of these and you *don’t*.” But the little girl just keeps on playing.
“How come you’re not crying today,” asks the boy.
“My mother told me,” says the little girl, pulling up her dress, “that with one of *these*, I can get as many of *those* as I want.”
God is Watching
Here is the scene: The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Church elementary school for lunch.
At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and put it on the apple tray…
‘Take only ONE. God is watching.’
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, ‘Take all you want. God is watching the apples.
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