Saturday, November 23, 2024
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Blind Horse Jokes Times

An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse, named Buddy.

He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, “Pull, Nellie, pull!” Buddy didn’t move. Then the farmer hollered, “Pull, Buster, pull!” Buddy again didn’t respond.

Once more the farmer commanded, “Pull, Coco, pull!” Buddy never move a muscle at all. Then the farmer nonchalantly said, “Pull, Buddy, pull!” And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch.

The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times. The farmer said, “Oh, Buddy is blind and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn’t even try.”

The Motion Monkey Jokes Times

A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passenger had been killed.

As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car.

The officer looked down at the monkey and said “I wish you could talk.” The monkey looked up at the officer and shook his head up and down.

“You can understand what I’m saying?” asked the officer. Again, the monkey shook his head up and down.

“Well, did you see this?”

“Yes,” motioned the monkey.

“What happened?”

The monkey pretended to have a can in his hand and turned it up by his mouth.

“They were drinking?” asked the officer.

“Yes.”

“What else?”

The monkey pinched his fingers together and held them to his mouth.”

They were smoking marijuana?”

“Yes.”

“What else?”

The monkey motioned “Screwing.”

“They were screwing, too?” asked the astounded officer.

“Yes.”

“Now wait, you’re saying your owners were drinking, smoking and screwing before they wrecked.”

“Yes.”

“What were you doing during all this?”

“Driving” motioned the monkey.

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What I Want in a Man Jokes Times

What I Want In A Man, Original List… (at age 22)

  1. Handsome
  2. Charming
  3. Financially Successful
  4. A Caring Listener
  5. Witty
  6. In Good Shape
  7. Dresses with Style
  8. Appreciates the Finer Things
  9. Full of Thoughtful Surprises
  10. An Imaginative, Romantic Lover

What I Want In A Man, Revised List… (at age 42)

  1. Not too ugly
  2. Doesn’t belch or scratch in public
  3. Works steady
  4. Doesn’t nod off while I’m emoting
  5. Usually remembers the punchlines of jokes
  6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
  7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear
  8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
  9. Remembers to put the toilet seat lid down
  10. Shaves on weekends

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Back So Soon Jokes Times

A man walks into the front door of a bar. He is obviously drunk, and staggers up to the bar, seats himself on a stool and, with a belch, asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender politely informs the man that it appears that he has already had plenty to drink, he could not be served additional liquor at this bar, and could a cab be called for him?

The drunk is briefly surprised, then softly scoffs, grumbles, climbs down off the bar stool and staggers out the front door. A few minutes later, the same drunk stumbles in the SIDE door of the bar. He wobbles up to the bar and hollers for a drink. The bartender comes over and, still politely – but more firmly, refuses service to the man due to his inebriation, and again offers to call a cab. The drunk looks at the bartender for a moment angrily, curses, and shows himself out the side door, all the while grumbling and shaking his head.

A few minutes later, the same drunk bursts in through the BACK door of the bar. He plops himself up on a bar stool, gathers his wits and belligerently orders a drink. The bartender comes over and emphatically reminds the man that he is clearly drunk, will be served no drinks, and either a cab or the police will be called immediately.

The surprised drunk looks at the bartender, and in hopeless anguish, cries “MAAAN! How many bars do you work at?

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