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Ant Adventure

Jun 5, 2021

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Two ants met in a woman’s belly button and decided to explore the rest of her body. Agreeing to meet back in the same place in a week, one ant headed north while the other went south.

Seven days later, they returned to the belly button.

“I had a great time,” reported the ant who ventured north. “There were these two big hills, and every day I went skiing, and at night I slept in this nice warm valley.”

“I had a hell of a time,” sighed the other ant. “First I had to walk through this thick jungle, then I fell down this huge hole, and by the time I climbed out I was so tired that I fell asleep in this smelly cave. But that wasn’t the worst of it! Every night, this giant worm came in and threw up in my face!”

Recent Medical Research Results

Jun 5, 2021

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Recent Medical Research Results Jokes Times

Yesterday, scientists for Health Canada suggested that men should take a look at their beer consumption, considering the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer.

The theory is that drinking beer makes men turn into women. To test the finding, 100 men were fed 6 pints of beer each. It was then observed that 100% of the men gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn’t drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing, and refused to apologize when wrong.

No further testing is planned.

Tyson Holyfield Fight

Jun 5, 2021

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“Hey, I just heard you can download the entire Tyson-Holyfield fight from the Internet,” one boxing fan mentioned to another.

“Really?” said the other man. “How much memory does it take up?”

“Very little,” replied the first man. “Just two bytes.”

Lunatic and his Dog

Jun 5, 2021

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A doctor came to the mental hospital to visit his patients. In one of the rooms, he saw a man walking around, dragging a toothbrush on a leash.

The doctor asked the man: “What are you doing, walking the dog?”

The man replied: “Oh no, I’m just dragging my toothbrush on a leash.”

The doctor left the room amazed, thinking how many normal people end up in mental institutions…

And the man said to his toothbrush: “Ha, Fifi, we tricked him!”

Computer Women

Apr 12, 2021

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A .. HARD-DISK Woman: She remembers everything you say and do, FOREVER.!!!

B… WINDOWS Woman: Everyone knows that she can’t do anything right, but you can’t live without her.

C… EXCEL Woman: They say she can do a lot of things but you mostly use her for only four of your basic needs.

D… SCREENSAVER Woman: She is good for nothing functional, but at least she is exciting, colourful, and lots of fun!

E… INTERNET Woman: Difficult to access and hard to keep running.!!!

F… SERVER Woman: Claims to be available to you, but Always busy when you need her.

G… MULTIMEDIA Woman: She has a way of making horrible things look very beautiful.

H… CD-ROM Woman: She always has you on the move, going faster and faster.!!!

I… E-MAIL Woman: Out of Every ten things she says, eight are plain nonsense.

J… VIRUS Woman: Also known as “WIFE”; when you are least expecting her, she shows up, installs herself, and starts gobbling up all your resources. If you try to uninstall her, you will lose almost every thing. If you don’t try to uninstall her, you will still have nothing.

Unlucky Nun

Mar 11, 2021

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There was a guy in a bar one night that got really drunk. I mean really, really, really drunk.

When the bar closed he got up to go home. As he stumbled out the door he saw a nun walking on the sidewalk.

So he stumbled over to the nun and punched her in the face. Well the nun was really surprised but before she could do or say anything he punched her again.

This time she fell down and he stumbled over to her and kicked her in the butt.

Then he picked her up and threw her into a wall. By this time the nun was pretty weak and couldn’t move.

So then he stumbled over to her, put his face right next to hers and said. “Not very strong tonight, are you Batman?”