One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her small boy into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, “Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?”
The mother smiled. “I can’t dear,” she said. ‘I have to sleep in Daddy’s room.”
The little boy replied with a shaking voice, “The big sissy.”
A man left for work one Friday afternoon. But, being payday, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire paycheque.
When he finally appeared at home, Sunday night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions.
Finally his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him. “How would you like it if you didn’t see me for two or three days?”
To which he replied. “That would be fine with me.”
Monday went by and he didn’t see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results. Come Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.
ATTRACTION – the act of associating horniness with a particular person.
LOVE AT 1st SIGHT – what occurs when two extremely horny, but not entirely choosy people meet.
DATING – the process of spending enormous amounts of money, time, and energy to get better acquainted with a person whom you don’t especially like in the present and will learn to like a lot less in the future.
BIRTH CONTROL – avoiding pregnancy through such tactics as swallowing special pills, inserting a diaphragm, using a condom, and dating repulsive men.
EASY – a term used to describe a woman who has the sexual morals of a man.
EYE CONTACT – a method utilized by a single woman to communicate to a man that she is interested in him. Despite being advised to do so, many woman have difficulty looking a man directly in the eyes, not necessarily due to the shyness, but usually due to the fact that a woman’s eyes are not located in her chest.
FRIEND – a member of the opposite sex in your acquaintance who has some flaw which makes sleeping with him/her totally unappealing.
INDIFFERENCE – a woman’s feeling towards a man, which is interpreted to by the man as “playing hard to get.”
INTERESTING – a word a man uses to describe a woman who lets him do all the talking.
IRRITATING HABIT – what the endearing little qualities that initially attract two people to each other turn into after a few months together.
LAW OF RELATIVITY – how attractive a given person appears to be is directly proportionate to how unattractive your date is.
NYMPHOMANIAC – a man’s term for a woman who wants to have sex more often than he does.
SOBER – a condition in which it is almost impossible to fall in love
Element: WOMEN
Symbol: Wo
Atomic Weight: 120 (more or less, usually more)
Physical Properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may
freeze anytime. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if not
used well.
Chemical Properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses strong
affinity to gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. Violent when
left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns
slightly green when placed next to a better specimen. Ages rapidly.
Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of
wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known.
Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands.
============================================
Element: MAN
Symbol: XY
Atomic Weight: 180+/-100
Physical Properties: Solid at room temperature but gets bent out of
shape. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure
sample. Due to rust, aging samples are unable to conduct electricity
as easily as young fresh samples.
Chemical Properties: Attempts to bond with Wo any chance it can get.
Also, tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive when
mixed with Kd (element Kid) for prolonged period of time. Pretty
basic. Neutralize by saturating with alcohol.
Usage: None really, except carrying shopping bags.
Caution: In the absence of Wo, this element rapidly decomposes and
begins to smell.
A .. HARD-DISK Woman: She remembers everything you say and do, FOREVER.!!!
B… WINDOWS Woman: Everyone knows that she can’t do anything right, but you can’t live without her.
C… EXCEL Woman: They say she can do a lot of things but you mostly use her for only four of your basic needs.
D… SCREENSAVER Woman: She is good for nothing functional, but at least she is exciting, colourful, and lots of fun!
E… INTERNET Woman: Difficult to access and hard to keep running.!!!
F… SERVER Woman: Claims to be available to you, but Always busy when you need her.
G… MULTIMEDIA Woman: She has a way of making horrible things look very beautiful.
H… CD-ROM Woman: She always has you on the move, going faster and faster.!!!
I… E-MAIL Woman: Out of Every ten things she says, eight are plain nonsense.
J… VIRUS Woman: Also known as “WIFE”; when you are least expecting her, she shows up, installs herself, and starts gobbling up all your resources. If you try to uninstall her, you will lose almost every thing. If you don’t try to uninstall her, you will still have nothing.
There was a guy in a bar one night that got really drunk. I mean really, really, really drunk.
When the bar closed he got up to go home. As he stumbled out the door he saw a nun walking on the sidewalk.
So he stumbled over to the nun and punched her in the face. Well the nun was really surprised but before she could do or say anything he punched her again.
This time she fell down and he stumbled over to her and kicked her in the butt.
Then he picked her up and threw her into a wall. By this time the nun was pretty weak and couldn’t move.
So then he stumbled over to her, put his face right next to hers and said. “Not very strong tonight, are you Batman?”
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