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No Pets Allowed

Jun 5, 2021

0 353

There’s a guy with a Doberman Pinscher and a guy with a Chihuahua. The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says to the guy with a Chihuahua, “Let’s go over to that restaurant and get something to eat.” The guy with the Chihuahua says, “We can’t go in there. We’ve got dogs with us and pets are not allowed in there.” The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says, “Just follow my lead.”

They walked over to the restaurant, the guy with the Doberman Pinscher puts on a pair of dark glasses, and he starts to walk. A guy at the door says, “Sorry sir, no pets allowed.” The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says, “You don’t understand, this is my seeing-eye dog.” The guy at the door says, “A Doberman Pinscher?” The guy with the Doberman Pinshcer says, “Yes, they’re using them now, they’re very good.” The guy at the door says, “Come on in.”

The guy with the Chihuahua also puts on a pair of dark glasses and starts to walk to the door. The guy at the door says, “Sorry sir, no pets allowed.” The guy with the Chihuahua says, “You don’t understand, this is my seeing-eye dog.” The guy at the door says, “A Chihuahua?” The guy with the Chihuahua replies, “You mean they gave me a Chihuahua?”

Bear Hunting

Jun 5, 2021

0 1086

Two men went bear hunting. While one stayed in the cabin, the other went out looking for a bear. He soon found a huge bear, shot at it but only wounded it. The enraged bear charged toward him, he dropped his rifle and started running for the cabin as fast as he could.

He ran pretty fast but the bear was just a little faster and gained on him with every step. Just as he reached the open cabin door, he tripped and fell flat. Too close behind to stop, the bear tripped over him and went rolling into the cabin.

The man jumped up, closed the cabin door and yelled to his friend inside, “You skin this one while I go and get another one!”

Give Me The Bill

Jun 5, 2021

0 288

A drunk walks into a bar and says to the bartender (with a drunken slur),

“Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill.” So, the bartender does just that and hands the man a bill for $57.00. The drunk says, “I haven’t got it.”

The bartender slaps the guy around a few times then throws him out into the street.

The very next day the same drunk walks into the bar and once again says (with a drunken slur), “Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill.” The bartender looks at the guy and figures to himself that he can’t possibly be stupid enough to pull the same trick twice, so he gives him the benefit of the doubt, pours a round of drinks for the house, has a drink himself and hands the drunk a bill for $67.00. The drunk says, “I haven’t got it.” The bartender can’t believe it. He picks the guy up, beats the living daylights out of him, and then throws him out into the street.

The next day the same drunk walks back into the same bar and says (with a drunken slur), “Bartender, buy every one in the house a drink, give me the bill. In disgust, the bartender says, “What, no drink for me this time?”

The drunk replies, “No way! You get violent when you drink.”

Just Make Sure

Jun 5, 2021

0 109

These 2 hunters was hunting one day and this one hunter fainted. The other hunter didn’t know what to do, so he called 911.

When the person answered the hunter told them that his partner was dead. The person on the other end said calm down and make sure your partner was dead

Awhile later, the person on the phone heard a gun shot and the hunter came back on the line and said “OK, he is dead for sure”, what’s next?

Computer Women

Apr 12, 2021

0 220

A .. HARD-DISK Woman: She remembers everything you say and do, FOREVER.!!!

B… WINDOWS Woman: Everyone knows that she can’t do anything right, but you can’t live without her.

C… EXCEL Woman: They say she can do a lot of things but you mostly use her for only four of your basic needs.

D… SCREENSAVER Woman: She is good for nothing functional, but at least she is exciting, colourful, and lots of fun!

E… INTERNET Woman: Difficult to access and hard to keep running.!!!

F… SERVER Woman: Claims to be available to you, but Always busy when you need her.

G… MULTIMEDIA Woman: She has a way of making horrible things look very beautiful.

H… CD-ROM Woman: She always has you on the move, going faster and faster.!!!

I… E-MAIL Woman: Out of Every ten things she says, eight are plain nonsense.

J… VIRUS Woman: Also known as “WIFE”; when you are least expecting her, she shows up, installs herself, and starts gobbling up all your resources. If you try to uninstall her, you will lose almost every thing. If you don’t try to uninstall her, you will still have nothing.

Unlucky Nun

Mar 11, 2021

0 141

There was a guy in a bar one night that got really drunk. I mean really, really, really drunk.

When the bar closed he got up to go home. As he stumbled out the door he saw a nun walking on the sidewalk.

So he stumbled over to the nun and punched her in the face. Well the nun was really surprised but before she could do or say anything he punched her again.

This time she fell down and he stumbled over to her and kicked her in the butt.

Then he picked her up and threw her into a wall. By this time the nun was pretty weak and couldn’t move.

So then he stumbled over to her, put his face right next to hers and said. “Not very strong tonight, are you Batman?”