Woman 1: I took my son to the zoo yesterday.
Woman 2: Really, did they accept him?
Zoo Trip
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All I Want Is…
When I was in junior. high, all I wanted was a girl with big tits. In high school, I dated a girl with big tits, but there was no passion. So I decided I needed a passionate girl.
In college, I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency, she cried all the time. So I decided I needed a girl with some stability.
I found a very stable girl, but she was boring. She never got excited about anything. So I decided I needed a girl with some excitement. I found an exciting girl, but I couldn’t keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She was directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some ambition.
After college, I found an ambitious girl and married her. She was so ambitious, she divorced me and took everything I owned. Now all I want is a girl with big tits.
Mix & Match of Sex
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = marriage
Dumb man + smart woman = affair
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
Beer Festival
After the Great Britain Beer Festival, in London, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer.
The guy from Corona sits down and says, “Hey Senor, I would like the world’S best beer, a Corona.” The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.
The guy from Budweiser says, “I’d like the best beer in the world, give me ‘The King of Beers’, a Budweiser.” The bartender gives him one.
The guy from Coors says, “I’d like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors.” He gets it.
The guy from Guinness sits down and says, “Give me a Coke.” The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered.
The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask “Why aren’t you drinking a Guinness?” and the Guinness president replies, “Well, I figured if you guys aren’t drinking beer, neither would I.”
Computer Women
A .. HARD-DISK Woman: She remembers everything you say and do, FOREVER.!!!
B… WINDOWS Woman: Everyone knows that she can’t do anything right, but you can’t live without her.
C… EXCEL Woman: They say she can do a lot of things but you mostly use her for only four of your basic needs.
D… SCREENSAVER Woman: She is good for nothing functional, but at least she is exciting, colourful, and lots of fun!
E… INTERNET Woman: Difficult to access and hard to keep running.!!!
F… SERVER Woman: Claims to be available to you, but Always busy when you need her.
G… MULTIMEDIA Woman: She has a way of making horrible things look very beautiful.
H… CD-ROM Woman: She always has you on the move, going faster and faster.!!!
I… E-MAIL Woman: Out of Every ten things she says, eight are plain nonsense.
J… VIRUS Woman: Also known as “WIFE”; when you are least expecting her, she shows up, installs herself, and starts gobbling up all your resources. If you try to uninstall her, you will lose almost every thing. If you don’t try to uninstall her, you will still have nothing.
Unlucky Nun
There was a guy in a bar one night that got really drunk. I mean really, really, really drunk.
When the bar closed he got up to go home. As he stumbled out the door he saw a nun walking on the sidewalk.
So he stumbled over to the nun and punched her in the face. Well the nun was really surprised but before she could do or say anything he punched her again.
This time she fell down and he stumbled over to her and kicked her in the butt.
Then he picked her up and threw her into a wall. By this time the nun was pretty weak and couldn’t move.
So then he stumbled over to her, put his face right next to hers and said. “Not very strong tonight, are you Batman?”
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