Before Marriage:
Boy: Ah at last. I can hardly wait.
Girl: Do you want me to leave?
Boy: No don’t even think about it.
Girl: Do you love me?
Boy: Of Course. Always have and always will.
Girl: Have you ever cheated on me?
Boy: Never. Why are you even asking?
Girl: Will you kiss me?
Boy: Every chance I get.
Girl: Will you scold me?
Boy: Hell no. Are you crazy?
Girl: Can I trust you?
Boy: Yes.
Girl: Darling!
After Marriage: (Read from bottom to top)
There are several men in the locker room of a private club after exercising.
Suddenly a cell phone that was on one of the benches rings. A man picks it up and the following conversation ensues:
“Hello?”
“Honey, It’s me. Are you at the club?”
“Yes.”
“Great! I am at the mall 2 blocks from where you are. I saw a beautiful mink coat… It is absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy it?”
“What’s the price?”
“Only $1,500.00”
“Well, OK, go ahead and get, if you like it that much…”
“Ahhh and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2005 models. I saw one I really liked. I spoke with the salesman and he gave me a really good price … and since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year…”
“What price did he quote you?”
“Only $60,000…”
“OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.”
“Great! Before we hang up, something else…”
“What?”
“It might look like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and…I stopped by the real estate agent this morning and I saw the house we had looked at last year. It’s on sale!! Remember? The one with a pool, English Garden, acre of park area, beachfront property…”
“How much are they asking?”
“Only $450,000… a magnificent price, and I see that we have that much in the bank to cover…”
“Well, than go ahead and buy it, but just bid $420,000. OK?”
“OK, sweetie… Thanks! I’ll see you later!! I love you!!!”
“Bye… I do too…”
The man hangs up, closes the phone’s flap and raises his hand while holding the phone and asks to all those present: “Does anyone know who this phone belongs to?”
This guy goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot. There he sees a parrot with a red string tied to its left leg and a green string tied to it’s right leg. He asks the owner the significance of the strings.
“Well, this is a highly trained parrot. If you pull the red string he speaks French; if you pull the green string he speaks German,” replies the shop keeper.
“And what happens if I pull both the strings?” our curious shopper inquires.
“I fall off my perch you fool!!” screeches the parrot.
Women
Women have strengths that amaze men. They carry children, they carry hardships, they carry burdens, but they hold happiness, love and joy. They smile when they want to scream.
They sing when they want to cry. They cry when they are happy and laugh when they are nervous.
Women wait by the phone for a “safe at home call” from a friend after a snowy drive home.
They are child care workers, executives, attorneys, stay-at-home moms, biker babes, and your neighbors. They wear suits, jeans and they wear uniforms. They fight for what they believe in. They stand up for injustice.
They walk and talk the extra mile to get their children in the right schools and for getting their family the right health care. They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.
Women are honest, loyal, and forgiving. They are smart, knowing that knowledge is power. But they still know how to use their softer side to make a point. Women want to be the best for their family, their friends and themselves. Their hearts break when a friend dies.
They have sorrow at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left. A woman can make a romantic evening unforgettable.
Women come in all sizes, in all colors and shapes. They live in homes, apartments and cabins. They drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you.
The heart of a woman is what makes the world spin! Women do more than just give birth. They bring joy and hope. They give compassion and ideals. They give moral support to their family and friends. And all they want back is a hug, a smile and for you to do the same to people you come in contact with.
MEN
Men are good at lifting heavy stuff.
A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner. Both he and his wife decide that they won’t tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess. The dad said, “Well it’s what Mommy calls me sometimes.” The little girl screamed to her brother, “Don’t eat it. Its an asshole!
Steve complained to his friend Al that lovemaking with his wife was becoming routine and boring.
“Get creative buddy. Break up the monotony. Why don’t you try playing doctor for an hour?”
“Sounds great,” Steve replied, “but how do you make it last for an hour?”
“Hell, just keep her in the waiting room for 45 minutes!”
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