Saturday, January 11, 2025
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Dad, Where Did I Come From Jokes Times

CHILD : Dad, where did I come from?

DAD : Okay, we had to have this conversation some day!…… So why not now

DAD : Okay,

Now Listen…. Dad and mom met in a chat room on the net. I set up a meeting with your mom and we landed in the bathroom at the Cyber Cafe. Then, mom did some downloads from dads memory stick and when dad was ready to upload, We discovered that there was no firewall. Seeing that it was a bit too late to cancel, I just carried on doing the upload. Nine months later, the damn virus appeared!.

CHILD : Huh?

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Dead Doberman Jokes Times

A highly timid little man, ventured into a biker bar in the Bronx and clearing his throat asked, “Um, err, which of you gentlemen owns the Doberman tied outside to the parking meter?

“A giant of a man, wearing biker leathers, his body hair growing out through the seams, turned slowly on his stool, looked down at the quivering little man and said, “It’s my dog. Why?”

“Well,” squeaked the little man, obviously very nervous, “I believe my dog just killed it, sir.”

“What?” roared the big man in disbelief. “What in the hell kind of dog do you have?”

“Sir,” answered the little man, “It’s a four week old puppy.”

“Bull!” roared the biker, “How could your puppy kill my Doberman?” “It appears that he choked on it, sir.”

Enchanted Rattlesnake Jokes Times

It was spring in the old west. The cowboys rode the still snow-choked trails looking for cattle that survived the winter. As one cowboy’s horse went around the narrow trail, it came upon a rattlesnake warming itself in the spring sunshine. The horse reared and the cowboy drew his six-gun to shoot the snake.

“Hold on there, partner,” said the snake, “don’t shoot– I’m an enchanted rattlesnake, and if you don’t shoot me, I’ll give you any three wishes you want.” The cowboy decided to take a chance. He knew he was safely out of the snake’s striking range. He said, “OK, first, I’d like to have a face like Clark Gable, then, I’d like a build like Arnold Schwarzenegger, and finally, I’d like sexual equipment like this here horse I’m riding.” The rattlesnake said, “All right, when you get back to the bunk house you’ll have all three wishes.”

The cowboy turned his horse around and galloped at full speed all the way to the bunkhouse. He dismounted on the run and went straight inside to the mirror. Staring back at him in the mirror was the face of Clark Gable. He ripped the shirt off his back and revealed bulging, rippling muscles, just like Arnold Schwarzenegger. Really excited now, he tore down his jeans, looked at his crotch and shouted,

“My God, I was riding the mare!”

Beautiful Parrot New Home Jokes Times

A woman was thinking about finding a pet to help keep her company at home. She decided she would like to find a beautiful parrot; it wouldn’t be as much work as say a dog, and it would be fun to hear it speak.

She went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large beautiful parrot. She went to the owner of the store and asked how much. The owner said it was $50. Delighted that such a rare looking and beautiful bird wasn’t more expensive, she agreed to buy it.

The owner looked at her and said, “Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a whorehouse. Sometimes it says pretty vulgar stuff.

“The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird. She said she would buy it anyway. The pet shop owner sold her the bird and she took it home.

She hung the bird’s cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something. The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, “New house, new madam.

“The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought that’s not so bad.

A couple hours later, the woman’s two teenage daughters returned from school. When they inspected the bird, it looked at them and said, “New house, new madam, new whores.

“The girls and the woman were a bit offended at first, but than began to laugh about the situation.

A couple of hours later, the woman’s husband came home from work. The bird looked at him and said, “New house, new madam, new whores, Hi George!”

Flash the Alligator Jokes Times

A New York boy was being led through the swamps of Louisiana by his cousin. “Is it true that an alligator won’t attack you if you carry a flashlight?

“The cousin smirked and replied, “Depends on how fast you carry the flashlight.”

A Women Little Instruction Book Jokes Times

Woman don’t make fools of men — most of them are the do-it-yourself types.

The best reason to divorce a man is a health reason: you’re sick of him.

Never trust a man who says he’s the boss at home. He probably lies about other things too.

The woman’s work that is never done is the stuff she asked her husband to do.

If you think the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach you’re aiming too high.

Go for younger men. You might as well — they never mature anyway.

A man who can dress himself without looking like Wurzel Gummidge is unquestionably gay.

Men are all the same — they just have different faces so you can tell them apart.

Definition of a man with manners — he gets out of the bath to pee.

Whenever you meet a man who would make a good husband, you will usually find that he is.

Scientists have just discovered something that can do the work of five men — a woman.

There are a lot of words you can use to describe men — strong, caring, loving — they’d be wrong but you could still use them.

Men are like animals — messy, insensitive and potentially violent — but they make great pets.

There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men – “don’t” and “stop”.

Husbands are like children — they’re fine if they’re someone else’s.

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