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The Three Bear Fairy Tales

Jun 6, 2021

1 1498

Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the big table he looks into his small bowl. It is empty. “Who’s been eating my porridge?”he squeaks.

Papa Bear arrives at the big table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl, and it is also empty. “Who’s been eating my Porridge?”he roars.

Momma Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and yells, “For God’s sake, how many times do we have to go through this? It was Momma Bear who got up first, it was Momma Bear who woke everyone in the house, it was Momma Bear who made the coffee, it was Momma Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night, and put everything away, it was Momma Bear who went out in the cold early morning air to fetch the newspaper, it was Momma Bear who set the table, it was Momma Bear who put the cat out, cleaned the litter box, and filled the cat’s water and fooddish, and, now that you’ve decided to drag your sorry bear-butts downstairs, and grace Momma Bear’s kitchen with your grumpy presence….. listen good, cause I’m only going to say this one more time

“I HAVEN’T MADE THE DAMN PORRIDGE YET!!!”

Constipation Horse

Jun 5, 2021

0 376

Farmer Gossman goes to the vet and says,”My horse is constipated.”

The vet says, “Take one of these pills, put it in a long tube, stick the other end in the horse’s ass, and blow the pill up there.”

Farmer Gossman comes back the next day, and he looks very sick.

The vet says, “What happened?”

Farmer Gossman says, “The horse blew first.”

The Different Between a Man and a Woman at a Drive-thru ATM

Jun 5, 2021

0 2085

The Different Between a Man and a Woman at a Drive-thru ATM Jokes Times

Man going to ATM

Pull up to ATM
Insert card
Enter PIN number
Take cash, card, and receipt
Walk away

Woman going to ATM

Pull up to ATM
Back up and pull forward to get closer
Shut off engine
Put keys in purse
Get out of car because she is to far from machine
Hunt for card in purse
Insert card
Locate grocery receipt in purse with PIN number
Enter PIN
Study instructions for at least 2 minutes
Hit “cancel”
Reenter Correct PIN number
Check balance
Look for envelope
Go through purse for ink pen
Make out deposit slip
Study instructions again
Endorse check
Make deposit
Make cash withdrawal
Get back into car
Check makeup in mirror
Look for keys in purse
Start car
Check makeup again
Start pulling away from ATM
Stop
Back up to machine
Get out of car
Retrieve card and receipt
Get back into car
Put card in wallet
Put receipt in checkbook
Enter deposit and withdrawal into checkbook
Clear space in purse for wallet and checkbook
Check makeup
Put car in reverse
Put car in drive
Drive away from machine
Drive 3 miles down the road
Release the parking brake

Solve Medicare Coverage Problem

Jun 5, 2021

0 70

Solve Medicare Coverage Problem Jokes Times

The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, ‘Hello, Mrs. Sanders, please.’

‘Speaking.’

‘Mrs. Sanders, this is Doctor Jones at Saint Agnes Laboratory. When your husband’s doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from another Mr. Sanders arrived as well. We are now uncertain which one belongs to your husband. Frankly, either way the results are not too good.’

‘What do you mean?’ Mrs. Sanders asks nervously.

‘Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer’s and the other one tested positive for HIV. We can’t tell which is which.’

‘That’s dreadful! Can you do the test again?’ questioned Mrs. Sanders.

‘Normally we can, but Medicare will only pay for these expensive tests one time.’

‘Well, what am I supposed to do now?’

‘The folks at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don’t sleep with him.’

Sex Maniac Mouse

Jun 5, 2021

0 433

One night a man heard howls coming from his basement and went down to discover a female cat being raped by a mouse.

Fascinated by what he saw, the man gained the mouse’s confidence with some cheese and then took him next door.

The mouse repeated his amazing performance by raping a German Sheppard.

The man, very excited by this, was dying to show someone his discovery. He rushed home and woke up his wife but before he could explain, she saw the mouse, screamed, and covered her head with the blanket.

“Don’t be afraid, darling,” said the man. “Wait until I tell you about this.”

“Get out of here!” cried his wife. “And take that sex maniac with you!”

Snail Eats Apple

Jun 5, 2021

0 291

A snail starts a slow climb up the trunk of an apple tree. He is watched by a sparrow who can’t help laughing and eventually says “Don’t you know there aren’t any apples on the tree yet?”

“Yes,” said the snail, “but there will be by the time I get up there.”