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Tractor Dealer

Jun 5, 2021

0 142

Farmer John had just walked into the local watering hole, when who should he see, but his old friend Chris the tractor salesman sitting up at the bar.

Chris looked so down and dejected, that John just had to go up and say something to him. “Say, Chris, how ya doing? How’s the tractor selling business these days?”

If Chris had looked sad before, at the mention of tractor sales, his face sank even more, and a tear came to his eye.

“John,” he said, shaking his head, “I don’t know what it is. I can’t sell a tractor these days to save my life. I’ll tell you, I just gotta sell one tractor and soon, or else I’ll lose that dealership for good.”

“Well,” John said, taking the barstool next to him, “If you think you got it bad, I got it worse. Now you listen to this….” “I went out to the barn the other morning to milk Bessy. That ol’ cow gets more ornery as the years go by.

Anyway, no sooner did I sit down on the milking stool and get to work, but ol’ Bes starts a slappin’ me with her tail. After a minute or so, I got fed up with it, so I threw a rope up over the rafters, and tied ol’ Bessy’s tail to the rafters.

Then I got back to work.” “I didn’t even get two squirts into the bucket, when Bes gives me a kick. Knocked me clean off the stool! Boy, did that upset me! So I get me another rope an’ tie Bessy’s right hind leg to the side of the milking stall, and get a started trying to milk her again.”

“Well by this time, Bessy’s about livid, and she doesn’t want any part of it, so she let’s me have it with her other hind leg. I wasn’t about to give in to this ol’ cow, so I got me yet another piece of rope and tied up Bessy’s left leg to the other side of the stall.”

Just then John paused to take a sip his beer. Chris, distracted for a moment from his own troubles, asked John, “Well, did you finally get to milk her?” “Well, yes and no, Chris. But I’ll tell ya what… If you can convince my wife that I was out there to MILK that cow, I’ll BUY a tractor from ya….!”

Old as Hills

Jun 5, 2021

0 215

Miss Jones agreed to be interviewed by Fred for the school magazine.

“How old are you, ma’am?” asked Fred.
“I’m not going to tell you that,” she replied.
“But Mr Hill the technical teacher and Mr Hill the geography teacher told me how old they were.” Fred said.
“Oh well,” said Miss Jones. “I’m the same age as both of them.”

The poor teacher was not happy when she saw what Fred wrote:
Miss Jones, our English teacher, confided in me that she was as old as the Hills.

Your Sister

Jun 5, 2021

0 967

One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, everyone in tiny Jamestown wakes up early and goes to their local church.

Before the service starts, the townspeople sit in their pews and talk about their lives, their families, etc. Suddenly, at the altar, Satan appears!!

Everyone starts screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in their determined efforts to get away from Evil Incarnate.

Soon, everyone is evacuated from the church except for one man, who sits calmly in his pew, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God’s ultimate enemy is in his presence. This confuses Satan a bit.

Satan walks up to the man and says, “Hey, don’t you know who I am?”

The man says, “Yep, sure do. You’re Beelzebub himself, Lord of the Underworld, Prince of Darkness and Eternal Agent of All Things Unholy.”

Satan says, “Well, aren’t you afraid of me?”

The man says, “Nope, sure ain’t.”

Satan, perturbed, says, “And why aren’t you afraid of me?”

The man says, “Well, I’ve been married to your sister for 25 years!”

What did the Fish Say

Jun 5, 2021

0 203

What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall?

“Dam”.

Dad, What is Sex?

Jun 5, 2021

0 2262

An 8-year-old girl asks her father, “Daddy, what is sex?” The father is somewhat surprised that she would ask such a question. But, he reckons if she’s old enough to ask the question, then surely she’s old enough for a straight answer. So, the father proceeds to tell his young daughter all about the “birds and the bees.”

After a brief explanation, the little girl appears wide-eyed in disbelief. “By the way,dear, why do you ask?” the father asks. The Little girl replies, “Mommy told me to tell you that dinner would be ready in just a couple of secs.”

First Date

Jun 5, 2021

0 224

It’s the Spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date. He’s a pretty hip guy with his own car. When he goes to the front door, the girl’s father answers and invites him in.

“Carrie’s not ready yet, so why don’t you have a seat?,” he says. “That’s cool” says Bobby.

Carrie’s father asks Bobby what they’re planning to do. Bobby replies politely that they will probably just go to the soda shop or a movie.

Carrie’s father responds “Why don’t you two go out and screw? I hear all the kids are doing it.”

Naturally, this comes as a quite a surprise to Bobby so he asks Carrie’s Dad to repeat it.

“Yeah,” says Carries father, “Carrie really likes to screw; she’ll screw all night if we let her!”

Well, this just made Bobby’s eyes light up, and his plan for the evening was beginning to look pretty good. A few minutes later, Carrie comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt and announces that she’s ready to go.

Almost breathless with anticipation, Bobby escorts his date out the front door.

About 20 minutes later, Carrie rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her, and screams at her father:

“DAMMIT DADDY! IT’S CALLED THE TWIST!!!”