Found on a Beach

Jun 5, 2021

0 786

There was a man who really took care of his body. He lifted weights and jogged 6 miles a day. One day, he took a look in the mirror and noticed that he was tan all over except for his penis. So he decided to do something about it. He went to the beach, completely undressed himself and buried himself in the sand, except for his penis, which he left sticking out!

A few minutes later, two old ladies weere strolling along the beach, one using a cane. Upon seeing the thing sticking up from the sand, she began to move it around with her cane. Remarking to her friend she said

“There’s no justice in the world”. Her friend asked what she meant?

She replied: “When I was 20. I was curious about it,

when I was 30, I enjoyed it!

when I was 40, I asked for it.

when I was 50, I paid for it,

when I was 60, I prayed for it,

when I was 70, I forgot about it,

now I’m 80 and the damn things are growing wild on the beach and I’m to old to squat! “

Things You Did Not Need

Jun 5, 2021

0 230

A wife arriving home after a shopping trip, was horrified to find her husband in bed with a young, lovely thing.

Just as she was about to storm out of the house, her husband stopped her with these words: “Before you leave, I want you to hear how this all came about.”

“Driving home, I saw this young girl, looking poor and tired, I offered her a ride. She was hungry, so I brought her home and fed her some of the roast you had forgotten about in the refrigerator.

Her shoes were worn-out so I gave her a pair of your shoes that you didn’t wear because they were out of style.

She was cold so I gave her that new birthday sweater you never wear because the color didn’t suit you.

Her slacks were worn out so I gave her a pair of yoursthat you don’t fit into anymore.”

“Then as she was about to leave the house, she paused and asked, ‘Is there anything else that your wife doesn’t use anymore?’ So, here we are!”

What’s the Baby’s Name

Jun 5, 2021

0 301

A high school girl finally had the opportunity to go to a party all alone. Since she was very good looking, she was a bit nervous about what to do if boys hit on her.

Her Mom said, “It is very easy! Whenever a boy starts hitting on you, you ask him what will be the name of our baby?’, that will scare them off.”

So off she went. After a little while at the party a boy started dancing with her and,little by little, kissing her and touching her. She asked him, “What will our baby be called?”

The boy found some excuse and disappeared.

Some time later the same thing happened again, a boy started to kiss her neck, her shoulders…she stopped him and asked him about the baby’s name, he ran off.

Later on another boy invited her for a walk, after a few minutes he started kissing her and she asked him, “What will our baby be called?”

He continued, now slowly taking her clothes off. “What will our baby be called?” she asked once more. He began to have sex with her. “What will our baby be called?!” she asked again.

After he was done, he took off his “full” condom, tied it in a knot and said, “If he gets out of this one… David Copperfield!”

Computer Women

Apr 12, 2021

0 220

A .. HARD-DISK Woman: She remembers everything you say and do, FOREVER.!!!

B… WINDOWS Woman: Everyone knows that she can’t do anything right, but you can’t live without her.

C… EXCEL Woman: They say she can do a lot of things but you mostly use her for only four of your basic needs.

D… SCREENSAVER Woman: She is good for nothing functional, but at least she is exciting, colourful, and lots of fun!

E… INTERNET Woman: Difficult to access and hard to keep running.!!!

F… SERVER Woman: Claims to be available to you, but Always busy when you need her.

G… MULTIMEDIA Woman: She has a way of making horrible things look very beautiful.

H… CD-ROM Woman: She always has you on the move, going faster and faster.!!!

I… E-MAIL Woman: Out of Every ten things she says, eight are plain nonsense.

J… VIRUS Woman: Also known as “WIFE”; when you are least expecting her, she shows up, installs herself, and starts gobbling up all your resources. If you try to uninstall her, you will lose almost every thing. If you don’t try to uninstall her, you will still have nothing.