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What I Want in a Man

Jun 6, 2021

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What I Want In A Man, Original List… (at age 22)

Handsome
Charming
Financially Successful
A Caring Listener
Witty
In Good Shape
Dresses with Style
Appreciates the Finer Things
Full of Thoughtful Surprises
An Imaginative, Romantic Lover

What I Want In A Man, Revised List… (at age 42)

Not too ugly
Doesn’t belch or scratch in public
Works steady
Doesn’t nod off while I’m emoting
Usually remembers the punchlines of jokes
Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear
Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
Remembers to put the toilet seat lid down
Shaves on weekends

Arab Love Donkey

Jun 6, 2021

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One day an Israeli soldier at the checkpoint on the military highway addressed the Arab riding along on his donkey, his wife trudging along before him. “I’ve been watching you go by every morning for months,” the guard commented. “And you always ride and your wife is always on foot. Why is that?”

“Wife no have donkey,” replied the Arab with a shrug. “I see. But why does she walk in front of you? Is that a custom of your people?”

The Arab shook his head. “Land mines,” he explained.

The Different Between a Man and a Woman at a Drive-thru ATM

Jun 5, 2021

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The Different Between a Man and a Woman at a Drive-thru ATM Jokes Times

Man going to ATM

Pull up to ATM
Insert card
Enter PIN number
Take cash, card, and receipt
Walk away

Woman going to ATM

Pull up to ATM
Back up and pull forward to get closer
Shut off engine
Put keys in purse
Get out of car because she is to far from machine
Hunt for card in purse
Insert card
Locate grocery receipt in purse with PIN number
Enter PIN
Study instructions for at least 2 minutes
Hit “cancel”
Reenter Correct PIN number
Check balance
Look for envelope
Go through purse for ink pen
Make out deposit slip
Study instructions again
Endorse check
Make deposit
Make cash withdrawal
Get back into car
Check makeup in mirror
Look for keys in purse
Start car
Check makeup again
Start pulling away from ATM
Stop
Back up to machine
Get out of car
Retrieve card and receipt
Get back into car
Put card in wallet
Put receipt in checkbook
Enter deposit and withdrawal into checkbook
Clear space in purse for wallet and checkbook
Check makeup
Put car in reverse
Put car in drive
Drive away from machine
Drive 3 miles down the road
Release the parking brake

Computer Women

Apr 12, 2021

0 222

A .. HARD-DISK Woman: She remembers everything you say and do, FOREVER.!!!

B… WINDOWS Woman: Everyone knows that she can’t do anything right, but you can’t live without her.

C… EXCEL Woman: They say she can do a lot of things but you mostly use her for only four of your basic needs.

D… SCREENSAVER Woman: She is good for nothing functional, but at least she is exciting, colourful, and lots of fun!

E… INTERNET Woman: Difficult to access and hard to keep running.!!!

F… SERVER Woman: Claims to be available to you, but Always busy when you need her.

G… MULTIMEDIA Woman: She has a way of making horrible things look very beautiful.

H… CD-ROM Woman: She always has you on the move, going faster and faster.!!!

I… E-MAIL Woman: Out of Every ten things she says, eight are plain nonsense.

J… VIRUS Woman: Also known as “WIFE”; when you are least expecting her, she shows up, installs herself, and starts gobbling up all your resources. If you try to uninstall her, you will lose almost every thing. If you don’t try to uninstall her, you will still have nothing.