To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
How to be Happy with Someone
Successful Man & Woman
A successful man is one who makes more money that his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
What I Want in a Man
What I Want In A Man, Original List… (at age 22)
- Handsome
- Charming
- Financially Successful
- A Caring Listener
- Witty
- In Good Shape
- Dresses with Style
- Appreciates the Finer Things
- Full of Thoughtful Surprises
- An Imaginative, Romantic Lover
What I Want In A Man, Revised List… (at age 42)
- Not too ugly
- Doesn’t belch or scratch in public
- Works steady
- Doesn’t nod off while I’m emoting
- Usually remembers the punchlines of jokes
- Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
- Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear
- Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
- Remembers to put the toilet seat lid down
- Shaves on weekends
Computer Women
A .. HARD-DISK Woman: She remembers everything you say and do, FOREVER.!!!
B… WINDOWS Woman: Everyone knows that she can’t do anything right, but you can’t live without her.
C… EXCEL Woman: They say she can do a lot of things but you mostly use her for only four of your basic needs.
D… SCREENSAVER Woman: She is good for nothing functional, but at least she is exciting, colourful, and lots of fun!
E… INTERNET Woman: Difficult to access and hard to keep running.!!!
F… SERVER Woman: Claims to be available to you, but Always busy when you need her.
G… MULTIMEDIA Woman: She has a way of making horrible things look very beautiful.
H… CD-ROM Woman: She always has you on the move, going faster and faster.!!!
I… E-MAIL Woman: Out of Every ten things she says, eight are plain nonsense.
J… VIRUS Woman: Also known as “WIFE”; when you are least expecting her, she shows up, installs herself, and starts gobbling up all your resources. If you try to uninstall her, you will lose almost every thing. If you don’t try to uninstall her, you will still have nothing.
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Three men are about to be executed for crimes. Two guards bring the first man forward, and the executioner asks if he has any...
