Sunday, November 24, 2024
Men & Women

Problems, Problems, Problems Jokes TImes

A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem they had never before shared with anyone, not even each other.

The Groom-to-be, overcoming his fear, decided to ask his father for advice. “Father,” he said, “I am deeply concerned about the success of my marriage.”

His father replied, “Don’t you love this girl?” “Oh yes, very much,” he said,” but you see, I have very smelly feet, and I’m afraid that my fiance will be put off by them.”

“No problem,” said dad, “all you have to do is wash your feet as often as possible,and always wear socks, even to bed.” Well, to him this seemed a workable solution.

The bride-to-be, overcoming her fear, decided to take her problem up with her mom.” Mom,” she said, “When I wake up in the morning my breath is truly awful.”

“Honey,” her mother consoled, “everyone has bad breath in the morning.” “No, you don’t understand,. My morning breath is so bad, I’m afraid that my fiance will not want to sleep in the same room with me.”

Her mother said simply, “Try this. In the morning, get straight out of bed, and head for the kitchen and make breakfast. While the family is busy eating, move on to the bathroom and brush your teeth. The key is, not to say a word until you’ve brushed your teeth.”

“I shouldn’t say good morning or anything?” the daughter asked.

“Not a word,” her mother affirmed.

“Well, it’s certainly worth a try,” she thought.

The loving couple were finally married. Not forgetting the advice each had received, he with his perpetual socks and she with her morning silence, they managed quite well. That is, until about six months later. Shortly before dawn one morning, the husband wakes with a start to find that one of his socks had come off. Fearful of the consequences, he frantically searches the bed. This, of course, wakes his bride and without thinking, she asks, “What on earth are you doing?”

“Oh, my,” he replies, “you’ve swallowed my sock!”

Heart Condition Jokes Times

An elderly couple, still very loving after all these years, is shocked when the woman’s doctor says she has a heart condition that could kill her at any time.

She is to avoid stress, eat right, and never, EVER have sex again – the strain would be too much. The couple reluctantly try to live by these rules.

Both get really horny over time, however, and the husband decides he’d better sleep downstairs on the couch to guard against temptation. This works for a few weeks, until late one night when they meet each other on the stairs – she’s coming downstairs, he’s heading up.

“Honey, I have a confession to make,” the woman says, her voice quavering. “I was about to commit suicide.” “I’m glad to hear it, sweetie,” the man says, “because I was just coming upstairs to kill you!”

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What was the Name Jokes Times

Two senior couples are walking along, wives in front, husband in the back.

Herb says to Sam, “Gee, we went to a new restaurant last night and had the best meal ever. Good prices too.”

Sam say, “Well, we like to eat out too. What was the name of the restaurant?”

Herb says’ “You’ll going to have to help me out a little. What’s the name of the pretty flower, smell sweet, grows on the thorny bush?”

Sam says, “How about rose?”

“Yes, yes, that’s it!” cries Herb, then calls ahead to his wife. “Rose. Hey, Rose. What was the name of the restaurant we ate at last night?”

Three Kinds of Sex Jokes Times

My aunt used to tell me there were three kinds of sex in a marriage. There was exciting sex, necessary sex, and hallway sex. “Exciting sex is when you’re first married and you can’t wait to get at each other. Necessary sex is after you’ve been married for seven or eight years and it’s more of a chore than anything else.

Hallway sex is after you’ve been married for thirty or forty years and you pass each other in the hallway and say “Fuck you!”

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Genie Lamp along a Beach Jokes Times

A man walking along a beach finds a lamp, picks it up, rubs it and this genie pops out. The genie says, “For releasing I shall grant you one wish!”

The man thinks for a minute, and says, “I want you to build a expressway to Hawaii. I’m scare of flying and tend to get seasick.” The Genie replies, “My friend, do you realize how hard it will take to do that? First of all, there will be a lot of material involved. In addition, there would need to have a lot of rest stops and petrol stations. Also, it will interfere with the shipping lands. I’m sorry, but I think it is impossible. Please choose another wish!”

The man thinks again for another minute and says, “I want to be able to understand all women.” The genie pauses for a moment and says, “So, for the expressway, do you want it in two lanes or four? And how many rest stops and petrol station do you want?”

Woooooo Wooooo Jokes Times

There were two Indians and a Cowboy walking along together in the desert when, all of a sudden, one of the Indians took off and ran up a steep hill to the mouth of a cave. He stopped and hollered into the entrance,”Woooooo! Woooooo! and then listened very closely until he heard an answer…”Woooooo! Woooooo!”. He then tore off his clothes and ran into the cave. The Cowboy was puzzled and asked the other Indian what that was all about. “Was that Indian goofy or something?”

“No”, said the other Indian. “It is mating time for us Indians and when you see a cave and holler, “Woooooo! Woooooo!” and get an answer back, that means she is in there waiting for you.”

Well, just about that time the other Indian spotted another cave. He took off, ran to the cave, stopped and hollered, “Woooooo! Woooooo!” When he heard a reply, “Woooooo! Woooooo!” off came his clothes and into the cave he goes. The Cowboy started running around the desert looking for a cave to find these women that the Indians had talked about. Suddenly he looked up and saw this great big cave. He was amazed at the size and thought, “Man! It’s bigger than the caves those Indians found. There must be something special in this cave!”

Well, he darted up the hill at great speed with hopes of grandeur. He got in front of the cave and yelled, “Woooooo! Woooooo!”. He was thrilled when he heard the answering call of “Woooooo! Woooooo!”He quickly took off his clothes. With a happy face he raced into the cave.

The headlines in the next day’s newspaper read: Naked Cowboy Run Over By Freight Train!

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