Fun With a Wrong Number

Jun 6, 2021

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It was last Wednesday night, and I was sitting in my room watching television when the phone rang. “Hello?” I said.

A girl’s voice came over the line. “Can I speak to Ben, please?”
I live by myself, and my name definitely is not Ben. It was probably a wrong number and I was bored.

I replied, “I’m sorry, he’s not in right now. Can I take a message?”

“Do you know what time he’ll be back?” she responded. “I think he said he’d be home around 10:00.” Silence on the other end… a confused silence.

“Is this Steve?” My name isn’t Steve, either. This was definitely a wrong number. So I replied, “Yes, it is. Do you want to leave a message for Ben?”

“Well… he said he would be home tonight and asked me to call him,” she said in a slightly irritated voice.

I replied, “Well, he went out with Karen about an hour ago, and said that he would be back at 10:00.”

A shocked voice now: “Who’s Karen?!”
“The girl he went out with.”
“I know that! I mean… who is she?”
“I don’t know her last name. Look, do you want me to leave a message for Ben?”

“Yes… please do. Tell him to call me when he gets home.”
She was sounding pretty irate at this point, and I could hear her temper flaring. “I sure will. Is this Jennifer?”

She exploded, “Who’s Jennifer?” Apparently she wasn’t.
“Well… he’s going out with Jennifer at 10:00. I thought you were her. Sorry… it was an honest mistake.”

“Ben’s the one that’s made the mistake! Tell him that Alice called him and the she’s very upset and that I would like him to call me as soon as he gets home.”

I smiled and said, “Okay, I will… but Becky isn’t going to like this…”
*Click*

I Like Lesbian

Jun 6, 2021

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A guy walked into a bar and noticed a beautiful blonde sitting at the bar. He walked up to her and said “Can I buy you a drink?”

She replied “Yes you may, but you won’t get to first base with me.” “And why not?” replied the guy.

“Because I’m a lesbian.” she replied.

“Oh, so you’re from Lebanon.”

“You don’t know what a lesbian is, do you?”

“No, I can’t say I do.” replied the guy.

“Let me try to explain.” said the blonde.

“You see that girl at the end of the bar? Well, I would like to make passionate love to her, and kiss her all over all night long.”

She looked aside and saw the guy with his head down sobbing uncontrollably.

“What’s the matter with you?!”

The guy slowly looked up at her and said “My GOD…I think I’m a lesbian, too!”

The Pharmacist

Jun 6, 2021

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Dude walks into a pharmacy laughing hysterically, orders 2 condoms, still laughing, pays the pharmacist and walks out laughing. The pharmacist is perplexed but doesn’t give it a second thought.

The next day the same guy walks in laughing hysterically, orders 2 condoms, still laughing, pays the pharmacist and walks out laughing.

The pharmacist remembers the day before and starts to wonder what’s up but not for too long because he has work to do. The next day the same guy walks in laughing hysterically, orders 2 condoms, still laughing, pays the pharmacist and walks out laughing.

Now the pharmacist is intrigued as to what is going on with this guy so he arranges with his assistant to follow the guy and find out where he is going, should the man return.

Wouldn’t you know it, The same guy comes back the next day, laughing hysterically, orders 2 condoms, still laughing, pays the pharmacist and walks out laughing.

The assistant followed him as per his orders and came back 20 minutes later.The eager pharmacist asked his assistant where the man went?The assistant said: “Your house.”

How Many?

Jun 6, 2021

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A teenage boy has a hot date one evening so he decides to buy some condoms.

He goes into the pharmacy and sees that there are 3, 9, and 12 packs of condoms. He talks to the pharmacists and says his date that night is really hot so he decides to go with the 12 pack.

That evening, he eats dinner with his date and her family and they ask him to say grace. He proceeds to do so and then continues to keep his head down and prays.

After a while, his date says I didn’t know you were such a religious person.

He replies, “I didn’t know your dad was a pharmacist!”

Follow My Orders

Jun 6, 2021

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A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office.

After his check up, the doctor called the wife into his office alone.

He said, “Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don’t do the following, your husband will surely die.”

“Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant, and make sure he is in a good mood.

For lunch make him a nutritious meal.

For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him.

Don’t burden him with chores, as he probably had a hard day. Don’t discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. And most importantly, you should satisfy his every whim sexually several times a week.”

“If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely.”

On the way home, the husband asked his wife. “What did the doctor say?”

“You’re going to die,” she replied.

Modern Technology

Jun 6, 2021

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A traveling salesman checked into a futuristic motel. Realizing he needed a haircut before his next day’s meeting, he called down to the desk clerk and asked if there was a barber on the premises. “I’m afraid not, sir,” the clerk told him apologetically, “but down the hall is a special machine that should serve your purposes.”

Skeptical but intrigued, the salesman located the appropriate machine, inserted fifty cents, and stuck his head in the opening, at which time the machine started to buzz and whirl. Fifteen seconds later the salesman pulled out his head and surveyed his head in the mirror, which reflected the best haircut he ever received in his life.

Down the hall was another machine with a sign that read, “Manicures -25 cents.” “Why not,” thought the salesman. He paid the money, inserted his hands into the slot, and pulled them out perfectly manicured.

The next machine had a huge sign that read, “This Machine Provides What Men Need Most When Away from Their Wives – cost 50 cents,” The salesman was embarrassed and looked both ways. Seeing nobody around he put in fifty cents, then unzipped his pants and stuck his penis into the opening – with great anticipation, since he had been away from his wife for 2 weeks.

When the machine started buzzing, the guy let out a shriek of agony. Fifteen seconds later it shut off and, with trembling hands, the salesman was able to withdraw his penis which now had a button sewed on the tip.