Wednesday, April 16, 2025
Men & Women

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After Work Cocktail Jokes Times

A man was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail when an exceptionally gorgeous & sexy young woman entered. She was so striking that the man could not take his eyes away from her.

The young woman noticed his overly attentive stare & walked directly towards him. Before he could offer his apologies for being so rude, the young woman said to him, “I’ll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $100 on one condition.”

Flabbergasted, the man asked what the condition was. The young woman replied, “You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words.” The man considered her proposition for a moment, withdrew his wallet from his pocket & slowly counted out five $20 bills, which he pressed into the young woman’s hand.

He looked into her eyes & slowly, meaningfully said, “Paint my house.”

In The Beautiful South Pacific jokes Times

On a group of beautiful deserted tropical islands in the middle of nowhere, the following people are suddenly stranded by, as you might expect, a shipwreck:

2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman
2 French men and 1 French woman
2 German men and 1 German woman
2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman
2 English men and 1 English woman
2 Bulgarian men and 1 Bulgarian woman
2 Japanese men and 1 Japanese woman
2 Chinese men and 1 Chinese woman
2 American men and 1 American woman
2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman

One month later on these same absolutely, stunningly beautiful desert (and deserted) Islands in the middle of nowhere, the following things have occurred:

One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman

The 2 French men and the French woman are living happily together in a menage-a-trois

The 2 German men have a strict weekly schedule of alternating visits with the German woman.

The 2 Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them.

The 2 English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman.

The 2 Bulgarian men took one look at the endless ocean, another long look at the Bulgarian woman, and started swimming…

The 2 Japanese men have faxed Tokyo and are awaiting instructions.

The 2 Chinese men have set up a pharmacy, a liquor store, a restaurant, and a laundromat. And have got the woman pregnant in order to supply employees for the store.

The 2 American men are contemplating the virtues of suicide because the American woman keeps endlessly complaining about her body, the true nature of feminism, how she can do everything they can do, the necessity of fulfillments, the equal division of household chores, how sand and palm trees make her look fat, how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her nicer than they do, how her relationship with her mother is improving, and at least the taxes are low, and it isn’t raining….

The 2 Irish men have divided the Island into North and South and set up a distillery. They do not remember if sex is in the picture, because it gets sort of foggy after the first few liters of coconut whiskey. But they are satisfied because at least the English aren’t having any fun.

Migraine Headaches Jokes Times

A man went to the doctor with a long history of migraine headaches.

When the doctor did his history and physical, he discovered that the poor guy has tried practically every therapy known to man for his migraines and STILL no improvement.

“Listen,” said the Doc, “I have migraines, too and the advice I’m going to give you isn’t really anything I learned in medical school, but it’s something that I’ve learned from my own experience.

When I have a migraine, I go home, get in a nice hot bathtub, and soak for a while. Then I have my wife sponge me off with the hottest water I can stand, especially around the forehead. This helps a little.

Then I get out of the tub, take her into the bedroom, and even if my head is killing me, I force myself to have sex with her. Almost always, the headache is immediately gone.

Now, give it a try, and come back and see me in six weeks.”

Six weeks later, the patient returns with a big grin, “Doc! I took your advice and it works! It REALLY WORKS! I’ve had migraines for 17 years and this is the FIRST time anyone has ever helped me!”

“Well,” said the physician, “I’m glad I could help.”

“By the way, Doc,” the patient added, “You have a REALLY nice house.”

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A Sex Talk Jokes Times

A teenage girl comes home from school and asks her mother. “Is it true what Rita just told me? Babies come out of the same place where boys put their penises?”

“Yes, dear,” replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and she wouldn’t have to explain it to her daughter.

“But then when I have a baby,” the teenager pondered, “won’t it knock all my teeth out?”

All You Will Ever Need to Know About Marriage Jokes Times

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man’s habits, and then complain that he’s not the man she married?

Men are like wine – some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age.

When a girl marries, she exchanges the attentions of many men for the inattention of one.

Marriage is one long conversation, checkered by disputes.

No human being believes that any other human being has a right to be in bed when he himself is up.

If you have a job without aggravations, you don’t have a job.

Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old; it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother.

Nothing cures insomnia like the realization that it’s time to get up.

Many a women who thinks she has purchased a dress for the ridiculous price has actually bought it for an absurd figure.

When a man says it’s a silly, childish game, it’s probably something his wife can beat him at.

You can always tell a house with young boys in it. You have to wash the soap before you can use it.

Nowadays the pay check that arrives none too soon, is too soon none.

A woman is like a tea bag: you never know her strength until she is in hot water.

Almost every child would learn to write sooner if allowed to do his homework on wet cement.

Women like the simpler things in life – like men.

Robbers demand your money or your life; women require both.

Children aren’t happy without something to ignore; and that’s what parents were created for.

It is a woman’s business to get married as soon as possible, and a mans to stay unmarried as long as he can.

All marriages are happy. It’s the living together afterwards that causes all the trouble.

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