A blind woman was out walking with her seeing eye dog when suddenly the animal paused and wet the woman’s leg.
Bending down, the blind woman stretched out her hand and patted the dog’s head.
Having watched what happened, a passer by said, “Say, why are you patting him? That dog just peed on your leg!”
“I know,” said the blind woman, “but I gotta find his head before I can kick his butt.”
This guy wakes up one morning to find a gorilla in his tree.
He looks in the phone book for a gorilla removal service until he finds one.
“Is it a boy or girl Gorilla?” the service guy asks. “Boy,” is the man’s response.
“Oh yeah, I can do it. I’ll be right there,” says the service guy. An hour later the service guy shows up with a stick, a Chihuahua, a shotgun, and a pair of handcuffs.
He then gives the man some instructions: “Now, I’m going to climb this tree and poke the gorilla with the stick until he falls. When he does, the trained Chihuahua will bite the gorilla’s testicles off.
The gorilla will then cross his hands to protect himself and allow you to put the handcuffs on him.” The man asks, “What do I do with the shotgun?”
The service guy replies, “If I fall out of the tree before the gorilla, shoot the Chihuahua.”
A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. He sips it and sets it down. A monkey swings across the bar and pisses in the pint.
The man asks the barman who owns the monkey. The barman replies, “The piano player”. The man walks over to the piano player and says “Do you know your monkey pissed in my beer?”
The pianist replies, “No, but if you hum it I’ll play it.”
A man was driving down a country road one day at 45 kilometre per hour when suddenly he noticed a 3-legged chicken running at the same speed beside his truck.
Though he thought this odd, the man decided to speed up so he wouldn’t cause an accident with the chicken.
The man sped up to 55 kilometre per hour, but low and behold, so did the 3-legged chicken.
The man then sped up to 65 kilometre per hour only to again be equalled in speed by the 3-legged chicken.
As the man watched in amazement, the chicken suddenly made a sharp left turn and took off down a side road toward a small farm.
The man quickly also made the left turn and followed the chicken to the small farm, parking out front. Looking around the man found the farmer around back in the midst of many 3-legged chickens.
After greeting the farmer, the man asked him why he was raising 3-legged chickens. “Well we figure,” said the farmer, “that with an average family of 3 people, only 2 can have a chicken leg with an average chicken.
But with a three legged chicken, each member of the family can enjoy a chicken leg of their own.” “That’s pretty wise,” said the man, who then asked “Well how do your 3-legged chickens taste?”
“I don’t know,” said the farmer. “We’ve never been able to catch one.”
A man tried to sell his neighbour a new dog.
“This is a talking dog,” he said. “And you can have him for five dollars.”
The neighbour said, “Who do you think you’re kidding with this talking dog stuff? There ain’t no such animal.
“Suddenly the dog looked up with tears in his eyes. “Please buy me, Sir,” he pleaded.
“This man is cruel. He never buys me a meal, never bathes me, never takes me for a walk. And I used to be the richest trick dog in America. I performed before kings. I was in the army and was decorated ten times.”
“Hey!” said the neighbour. “He can talk. Why do you want to sell him for just five dollars?”
“Because,” said the seller, “I’m getting tired of all his lies.”
There is this per shop that cross breed different breeds of dogs to get more sales. And they crossed a pit bull with a collie.
That dog bites off humans’ leg and goes for help.
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