Home Hot Travel Jokes

Be Silent

Jun 6, 2021

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A blonde gets an opportunity to fly to a nearby country. She has never been on an airplane anywhere and was very excited and tense.

As soon as she boarded the plane, a Boeing747, she started jumping in excitement, running over seat to seat and starts shouting, “BOEING! BOEING!! BOEING!!! BO…..” She sort of forgets where she is, even the pilot in the cock-pit hears the noise.

Annoyed by the goings on, the Pilot comes out and shouts “Be silent!” There was pin-drop silence everywhere and everybody is looking at the blonde and the angry Pilot.

She stared at the pilot in silence for a moment, concentrated really hard, and all of a sudden started shouting, “OEING! OEING! OEING! OE….”

Jun 6, 2021

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Air Force One crashed in the middle of rural America.

Panic stricken the Secret Service mobilized and descended on the farm in force. When they got there, the wreckage was clear. The aircraft was totally destroyed with only a burned hulk left smouldering in a tree line that bordered a farm.

Secret Service descended upon the smoking hulk but could find no remains of the crew or the President’s staff. To their amazement, a lone farmer was ploughing a field not too far away as if nothing at all happened.

They hurried over to surround the man’s tractor. “Sir,” the senior Secret Service agent asked, panting and out of breath. “Did you see this terrible accident happen?”

“Yep. Sure did.” The man muttered unconcernedly.

“Do you realize that is the President of the United States airplane?”

“Yep.” Answered the mane.

“Were there any survivors?” the agent gasped.

“Nope. They all kilt straight out.” The farmer sighed cutting off his tractor motor. “I done buried them all myself. Took most of the morning.”

“The President of the United States is dead?” The agent gulped in disbelief.

“Well,” the farmer sighed, obviously wanting to get back to his work. “He kept a-saying he wasn’t… but you know what a liar he is.”

Heart Disease

Jun 6, 2021

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In Japan, the fat intake in the average Japanese diet is very low and the heart disease ratio is lower than in North America and the UK.

However, in France, the average fat intake is very high, and yet, the heart disease ratio is lower than in North America and the UK.

In India almost no one drinks red wine and the heart disease ratio is lower than in North America and the UK.

In Spain, everybody drinks too much red wine and the heart disease ratio is lower than in North America and the UK.

In Algeria, the average sexual activity ratio is very high and the heart disease ratio is lower than in North America and the UK.

In Brazil, everybody has sex like crazy and the heart disease ratio is lower than in North America and the UK.

In Austria, adults smoke 2 packs of cigarettes per day, on average.

Conclusion: Drink, eat, smoke and screw all you want. It’s speaking English that kills you.

Wrong Email Address

Jun 6, 2021

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A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day.

The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband’s funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted.

The widow’s son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I’ve Arrived
Date: January 13, 2005

I know you’re surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I’ve just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then!

Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

P.S. Sure is freaking hot down here!

What Trip?

Jun 6, 2021

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USAir recently introduced a special half fare for wives who accompanied their husbands on business trips.

Expecting valuable testimonials, the PR department sent out letters to all the wives of businessmen who had used the special rates, asking how they enjoyed their trip.

Letters are still pouring in asking, “What trip?”

Automatic Aeroplane

Jun 6, 2021

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The world’s first fully computerized airliner was ready for its maiden flight without pilots or crew. The plane taxied to the loading area automatically, its doors opened automatically, the steps came out automatically. The passengers boarded the plane and took their seats.

The steps retreated automatically, the doors closed, and the airplane taxied toward the runway.

“Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen,” a voice intoned. “Welcome to the debut of the world’s first fully computerized airliner. Everything on this aircraft is run electronically. Just sit back and relax. Nothing can go wrong … Nothing can go wrong…nothing can go wrong….”