Tuesday, December 24, 2024
Hot

0 218
Engineers' Car Jokes Times

Three engineers are riding down the road in a car. Suddenly, the car begins to develop trouble. It’s sputtering and it sounds like it’s going to stall.

The first engineer is a chemical engineer. He says, “It could be something in the fuel line. Lets put an additive into the gas and maybe that will take care of the problem.”

The second engineer is an electrical engineer. She says, “It could be something in the electrical system. Let’s replace the wires and the distributor cap. Maybe that will take care of the problem.”

The third engineer is a software engineer from Microsoft. He says, “It could be that we’ve too many windows open. Let’s close all the windows, turn off the car, then restart the car and open all the windows again. Maybe that will take care of the problem.”

You Complain too much Jokes Times

On reaching his plane seat, a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped in next to him. He asks the stewardess for a coffee where upon the parrot squawks “And get me a whisky you cow!”

The stewardess, flustered, brings back a whisky for the parrot and forgets the coffee. When this omission is pointed out to her the parrot drains its glass and bawls “And get me another whisky you idiot”.

Quite upset, the girl comes back shaking with another whisky but still no coffee. Unaccustomed to such slackness the man tries the parrot’s approach “I’ve asked you twice for a coffee, go and get it now or I’ll kick you”.

The next moment, both he and the parrot have been wrenched up and thrown out of the emergency exit by two burly stewards. Plunging downwards the parrot turns to him and says “For someone who can’t fly, you complain too much!”

0 487
Japanese Travel to New York Jokes Times

There was a Japanese man who went to New York for sightseeing. On the last day, he hailed a taxi and told the driver to drive to the airport.

During the journey, a Honda Civic drove past the taxi. Thereupon, the Japanese man told the taxi driver. “Honda, very fast! Made in Japan!”

After a while, a Toyota Camry sped past the taxi. Again the Japanese man told the taxi driver. “Toyota, very fast! Made in Japan!”

And then a Mitsubishi Lancer sped past the taxi. For the third time, the Japanese man told the taxi driver. “Mitsubishi, very fast! Made in Japan!”

Finally the taxi reach the airport. The fare shown on the meter was US$300. The Japanese exclaimed, “Wah… so expensive!”. Thereupon, the taxi driver said. “Meter, very fast! Made in Japan!”

How To Be A Good Husband Jokes Times

He consistently spills things in the same location as to avoid making more than one stain in the carpet.

He sees to it that he doesn’t always sit in the same place on the couch, to avoid making those unsightly twin-divots.

He masters the art of halfway-communication so that he can watch TV and still answer: uh huh, oh, I see what you mean, etc. at the right time.

He is able to avoid use of the same excuse two-times-in-a-row.

He has learned that a new vacuum cleaner, iron, etc. do not make acceptable anniversary presents.

Admits with only minor prodding that watching Monday Night Football together does not constitute a “date” or family home evening (where applicable).

Has learned all of the childrens’ names so that he doesn’t have to refer to them as, “Hey, you there”.

Knows the proper time to give a sincere compliment and also the proper time to say something such as, “Its definitely an interesting dress.”

0 332
Outhouse Jokes Times

Once there was a little boy that lived in the country. They had to use an outhouse, and the little boy hated it because it was hot in the summer and cold in the winter and stank all the time.The outhouse was sitting on the bank of a creek and the boy determined that one day he would push that outhouse into the creek. One day after a spring rain, the creek was swollen so the little boy decided today was the day to push the outhouse into the creek. So he got a large stick and started pushing. Finally,the outhouse toppled into the creek and floated away. That night his dad told him they were going to the woodshed after supper.Knowing that meant a spanking, the little boy asked why.

The dad replied, “Someone pushed the outhouse into the creek today.It was you, wasn’t it son?”

The boy answered yes. Then he thought a moment and said, “Dad, I read in school today that George Washington chopped down a cherry tree and didn’t get into trouble because he told the truth.”

The dad replied, “Well, son, George Washington’s father wasn’t in the cherry tree.”

Mommy, How Old Are You Jokes Times

Little Jenny walked into the kitchen one day and looked up at her mother, who was busy cooking dinner. “Mommy, how old are you?” she asked.

“Now dear,” said her mother, “You should never ask a woman what her age is.”

“Why not?” demanded Jenny.

“Because it isn’t polite. You’ll understand better when you grow up.”

Jenny thought about it for a moment, then piped up, “Mommy, how much do you weigh?”

“Jenny,” said her mother, “That’s not a question you ask people.”

“Why not?” demanded Jenny.

“Because it’s not polite to ask grown-ups about how much they weigh. You’ll understand some day.”

“Mommy,” Jenny asked, “Why did you and Daddy get divorced?”

“Darling,” her mother replied with a sigh, “That’s something that’s still very painful for Mommy, and I really can’t talk about it now. I’ll explain when you are a little older.”

The next day, Jenny told a friend at school about the conversation with her mother. The other little girl explained to her, “All you have to do is get a look at your mom’s driver’s license. It has all the information about any grown-up you want on it.”

So little Jenny sneaked a peek in her mother’s purse when she got home, and looked over her license, examining it carefully. That evening, she went back into the kitchen and announced, “I know how old you are, Mommy, You are 36!”

Her mother looked down at her, surprised. “And I know how much you weigh!” said Jenny. “You weigh 135 pounds.” “Jenny, where did you learn this?”, her mother asked. Jenny just smiled and continued, “And, I know why you and Daddy got a divorce.” Her mother just gasped and asked, “Why?”

Jenny replied, “Because you got an F in sex!”

YOU MAY LIKE

Helpline - Diskette Jokes Times

0 190
Customer?Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out. Helpdesk: Have you tried pushing the button? Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck. Helpdesk: That doesn't sound...
Too Many Puppies Jokes Times

Fourth Marriage Jokes Times

FACEBOOK

4,844FansLike