An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a ‘Curse’ he has been living with for the last 40 years.
The Wizard says “maybe, but you will to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.”
The old man says without hesitation “I now pronounce you man and wife.”
Two blondes were flying to Miami from Cleveland.
Fifteen minutes into the flight, the captain announced “One of the engines has failed and the flight will be an hour longer. But don’t worry we have three engines left”.
Thirty minutes later, the captain announced “One more engine has failed and the flight will be two hours longer. But don’t worry we have two engines left”.
An hour later the captain announced “One more engine has failed and the flight will be three hours longer. But don’t worry we have one engine left”.
One blonde looked at the other the other blonde and said “If we lose one more engine, we’ll be up here all day”
1. Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.
2. Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.
3. Press any key except… no, No, NO, NOT THAT ONE!
4. Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
5. This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game?
6. Windows message: “Error saving file! Format drive now?(Y/Y)”
7. This is a message from God Gates: “Rebooting the world.Please log off.”
8. To “shut down” your system, type “WIN”
9. BREAKFAST.SYS halted… Cereal port not responding.
10. COFFEE.SYS missing… Insert cup in cup holder and press any key.
11. File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
12. Bad or missing mouse. Spank the cat? (Y/N)
13. Runtime Error 6D at 417A:32CF: Incompetent User.
14. Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)
15. WinErr 16547: LPT1 not found. Use backup. (PENCIL &PAPER.SYS)
16. User Error: Replace user.
17. Windows VirusScan 1.0 – “Windows found: Remove it? (Y/N)”
18. Your hard drive has been scanned and all stolen software titles have been deleted. The police are on the way
Larry’s barn burned down and his wife, Susan, called the insurance company.
Susan told the insurance company, “We had that barn insured for fifty thousand and I want my money.”
The agent replied, “Whoa there, just a minute, Susan. Insurance doesn’t work quite like that. We will ascertain the value of what was insured and provide you with a new one of comparable worth.”
There was a long pause before Susan replied, “Then I’d like to cancel the policy on my husband.”
A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front him. He appears to be in deep though, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of coffee.
“What’s the matter, dear?” she whispers as she steps into the room. “Why are you down here at this time of night?” The husband looks up, “Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 17?” he asks solemnly.
The wife is touched thinking her husband is so caring and sensitive. “Yes, I do,” she replies. The husband pauses. The words are not coming easily. “Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?”
“Yes, I remember,” says the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him. The husband continues… “Do you remember when he shoved a shotgun in my face and said, “Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years.” “I remember that too,” she replies softly. He wipes another tear from his cheek and says… “I would have gotten out today!”
The only cow in a small Kentucky town stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found that they could buy a cow just across the state line in Illinois for $200.
They brought the cow from Illinois and the cow was wonderful. It produced lots of milk all of the time, and the people were very happy.
They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow to produce more cows like it. They would never have to worry about their milk supply again.
They bought the bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow. However, whenever the bull tried to mount the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest. The people were very upset and decided to ask the Vet, who was very wise, what to do.
They told the Vet what was happening. “Whenever the bull tries to mount our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An attempt from the side, she walks away to the other side.”
The Vet thought about this for a minute and asked, “Did you by chance, buy this cow in Illinois?”
The people were dumbfounded, since no one had ever mentioned where they bought the cow. “You are truly a wise Vet,” they said. “How did you know we got the cow in Illinois?”
The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye, “My wife is from Illinois.”
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