Two tourists were driving through Wisconsin. As they were approaching Oconomowoc, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town’s name. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch.
As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the employee. “Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are… very slowly?
The girl leaned over the counter and said, Burrrrr, gerrrrr, Kiiiing.
A honeymoon couple is in the Watergate Hotel in Washington. The bride is concerned, and asks, “What if the place is still bugged?”
The groom says, “I’ll look for a bug.” He looks behind the drapes, behind the pictures, under the rug. Finally, he says, “AHA!” Under the rug was a disc with four screws. He gets his Swiss army knife, unscrews the screws, throws them and the disc out the window.
The next morning, the hotel manager asks the newlyweds, “How was your room? How was the service? How was your stay at the Watergate Hotel?”
The groom says, “Why are you asking me all of these questions?”
The hotel manager says, “Well, the couple in the room UNDER you complained that the chandelier fell on them.”
A woman and her son were taking a cab in New York City. It was raining and all the hookers were standing under the awnings.
“Mommy,” said the little boy, “what are all those ladies doing?”
“They’re waiting for their husbands to get off of work,” she replied.
The cabbie turns around and says, “Geez lady, why don’t you tell him the truth? They’re hookers. They have sex with men for money.”
The little boy’s eyes get wide and he says, “Is that true, mommy?” His mother, glaring at the cabbie, answers in the affirmative.
After a few minutes, the kid asks, “Mommy what happens to the babies those ladies have?”
“They mostly become cab drivers,” she replied.
One day three couples in a minivan are heading to Yellowstone National Park on a vacation. One couple is from Nebraska, one is from Kansas, and one is from Iowa. They stop at a little cafe on the side of the road for breakfast.
Their waitress serves them their food, and the husband from Nebraska says, “could you pass the honey honey?” to whom his wife, hands over the honey.
Then, the husband from Kansas says ” Could you pass the sugar sugar?” and she passes him the sugar.
The Iowan husband sits there for a minute, then looks at his wife and says “Wanna pass me the bacon, pig?”
A serious drunk walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her and kissed her.
She jumped up and slapped him silly. He immediately apologized and explained, “I’m sorry. I thought you were my wife.
You look exactly like her.”
“Why you worthless, insufferable, wretched, no good drunk!” she screamed.
“Funny,” he muttered, “you even sound exactly like her.”
Mr. Jefferson: Gentlemen, the summer grows hot, and it is essential that we complete this declaration of independence.
Mr. Franklin: Wait a minute, Thomas. I have to reboot here.
Mr. Jefferson: That’s all right, Ben. We’ll go on without you. Has everyone had a chance to look at the draft I posted yesterday?
Mr. Sherman: Not yet, Thomas, I’ve been having Notes replication problems.
Mr. Adams: Here, Roger, I brought a hard copy.
Mr. Sherman: Thanks. Saaaaay, nice font.
Mr. Adams: Do you like it? I downloaded it off Colonies Online just last week.
Mr. Jefferson: Gentlemen! There is work to be done. I fear our document will soon leak out.
Mr. Livingston: Too late, Thomas. There’s already a bootleg circulating. I saw it posted on alt. george III. sucks last night.
Mr. Adams: Ben, you might try upgrading to Windows 75. It solved that problem for me.
Mr. Sherman: Thomas, the part here about the Acts of Pretended Legislation; have you considered using bullets to air out the text?
Mr. Jefferson: I can fix that easily enough. Drat! I’ve spilled candle wax on my keyboard again.
Mr. Adams: You know, Thomas, that wouldn’t happen if you’d buy an active-matrix screen.
Mr. Franklin: Hard-disk failure?!? Aw, criminy!
Mr. Livingston: Are you sure it’s “unalienable rights”? My spell checker recommends “unassailable”.
Mr. Jefferson: Can we stick to the substance of the document, please? Shoot. Low battery. Anyone got a spare power cable?
Mr. Sherman: What have you got, a Toshiba? No, mine isn’t compatible.
Mr. Franklin: Hello, PCs Philadelphia? What does it mean when the floppy drive buzzes? OK, I’ll hold…..
Mr. Livingston: The “In Congress” part here at the top; have you thought about blowing that up really big and maybe centering it in 72 point Helvetica?
Mr. Jefferson: Not a bad idea. Aw, nuts! Word macro virus! I can’t save the file.
Mr. Franklin: That’s all right, Thomas. We can manage. Here, borrow my quill pen….
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