What’s in the Bag?

Jun 6, 2021

0 327

One day Adam and Eve looked up and saw God standing there holding a bag.

“Hi, God. What’s in the bag?” asked Eve.

“These are a couple of things that I have left over from creation.”God rummages around in the bag a moment. “Who wants to be able to pee standing up?”

Adam immediately puts his hand up in the air, waving frantically. “Me! Me! Me! Oh, oh, PLEASE, God, let me have it! Just think of how much more work I could get done in the fields if I could pee standing up! And it would help SO MUCH when I’m out hunting! Oh, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE let me have it!”

“Well, OK, here. Now, let’s see what else we have.” God rummages about a bit more in the bag. “Ah, right. Multiple orgasms.”

Frog Sound

Jun 6, 2021

0 302

There were three little boys visiting their grandparents.

The oldest came out and asked his grandpa, “Can you make a sound like a frog, Grandpappy?

Grandpa (being in a kind of ill mood) responds, “No, I don’t really want to make the sound of a frog now.”

So, the second little boy comes out and asks his grandfather, “Will You please make a sound like a frog?”

Grandpa again says, “No, not now. I don’t really want to do that.I’m in a grumpy mood. Maybe later.”

Then the third little boy comes out and says, “Grandpa, oh please…Please, please will you make a sound like a frog?”

“Why do all of you boys want me to make a sound like a frog?” Grandpa Asked.

The little boy replied with a hopeful face, “Well, Mom said that when you croak we get to go to Disney World!”

The Human Race

Jun 6, 2021

0 397

A little girl asked her mother, “How did the human race appear?”

The mother answered, “God made Adam and Eve and they had children, and so was all mankind made..”

Two days later the girl asked her father the same question.. The father answered, “Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.”

The confused girl returned to her mother and said, “Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?”

The mother answered, “Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his.”

First Thing First

Jun 6, 2021

0 130

An elderly couple are in church. The wife leans over and whispers to her husband, “I just let out a long, silent fart. What should I do?”

The husband replies, “First off, replace the batteries in your hearing aid!”

Free Haircut

Jun 6, 2021

2 321

A man and a little boy entered barbershop together. After the man received the full treatment – shave, shampoo, manicure, haircut, etc. – he placed the boy in the chair. “I’m going to buy a green tie to wear for the parade,” he said. “I’ll be back for a few minutes.”

When the boy’s haircut was completed and the man still hadn’t returned, the barber said, “Looks like your daddy’s forgotten all about you,” “That wasn’t my daddy,” said the boy. “He just walked up, took me by the hand and said, ‘Come on, son, we’re gonna get a free haircut!'”

Ashes to Ashes

Jun 6, 2021

0 352

After several years of marriage, Debbie’s husband, Mike, died suddenly. According to his wishes, Debbie had his body cremated and placed the remains in a small urn.

Several weeks later, Debbie came home wearing a full-length mink coat and an eight-carat diamond ring. She went into the living room, removed the urn from the mantel and carefully tapped Mike’s ashes into a small dish on the coffee table.

“Mike, my beloved Mike,” she began, “I wish to talk to you. Mike, do you remember, for several years you promised me a mink coat? Well, here it is, Mike. Do you like it?

“And, Mike,” she continued, “do you remember, for several years you promised me a diamond ring? Yes? You remember? Here it is, Mike. Do you like it?

“Well,” Debbie exclaimed, puffing Mike’s ashes into the air, “there’s that blow job I was promising you.”