35-Year-old Daughter

Jun 6, 2021

0 671

A mother was walking down the hall when she heard a humming sound coming from her daughters bedroom. When she opened the door she found her daughter naked on the bed with a vibrator.

“What are you doing?” she exclaimed. The daughter replied, “I’m 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I’ll ever get to a husband.”

Later that week the father was in the kitchen and heard a humming sound coming from the basement. When he went downstairs, he found his daughter naked on a sofa with her vibrator.

“What are you doing?” he exclaimed. The daughter replied, “I’m 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I’ll ever get to a husband.”

A couple of days later the mother heard the humming sound again, this time in the living room. Upon entering the room, she found her husband watching television with the vibrator buzzing away beside him.

“What are you doing?” she asked. He replied, “Watching the game with my son-in-law.”

Too Tired to Go On

Jun 6, 2021

0 185

There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde.

The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and estimated about 20 miles to shore. So she announced, “I’m going to try to swim to shore.” She swam out five miles, and got really tired. She swam out ten miles from the island, and she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.

The second one, the redhead, said to herself, “I wonder if she made it. I guess it’s better to try to get to the mainland than stay here and starve.” So she attempts to swim out. The redhead had a lot more endurance than the brunette, as she swam out 10 miles before she even got tired. After 15 miles, she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.

The blonde thought to herself, “I wonder if they made it! I think I’d better try to make it, too.” So she swam out 5 miles, ten miles, 15 miles, NINETEEN miles from the island. The shore was just in sight, but she said, “I’m too tired to go on!” So she swam back.

AOL Addiction

Jun 6, 2021

0 195

My computer broke down. It crashed and burned!
And for my AOL, I really yearned!
I tried to stay busy… And keep it off my mind.
So I went to Wal-Mart, and got on their pc.
The cashier in electronics was staring at me.
But I didn’t care. I had to get on line!
Check my mail, and see what buddies I can find.
I drew a crowd as I began to cry.
I couldn’t find the password no matter how hard I tried!
I need my AOL!!
I got to have my fix!!
Go to my favorite places, check out some cool pics.
The cashier called Security!
I heard her whisper low,
“We have ourselves a Psycho here” and she has got to go!”
Security rushed over.
Not long did he stall.
Obviously he has never suffered from AOL withdrawal.
He slapped cuffs on my wrists and threw me out the door!
Then he looked at me and said,
“Don’t come round here no more!”
I feel so embarrassed!!
I have sunk so low!
To be kicked out of Wal-Mart….
How low can I go?
So I’ll try really hard now to rid myself of this affliction.
Get rid of these bad habits and my AOL addiction!

Printer Tech Support

Jun 6, 2021

0 303

A Tech Support for Hewlett-Packard’s DeskJet division for about a month when he had a customer call with a problem on her printer that he just couldn’t solve.

The customer could not print yellow on her printer. All the other colors would print fine, which truly baffled the tech support because the only true colors are cyan, magenta, and yellow. For instance, green is a combination of cyan and yellow, but green printed fine.

Every color of the rainbow printed fine except for yellow. He had the customer change ink cartridges. He had the customer delete and reinstall the drivers. Nothing worked. He asked my coworkers for help; they offered no new ideas. After over two hours of troubleshooting, he was about to tell the customer to send the printer in for repair when she asked quietly, “Should I try printing on a piece of white paper instead of this yellow paper?”

Expensive Fish

Jun 6, 2021

0 855

Two men go on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment – the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods. They spend a fortune!

The first day they go fishing, but they didn’t catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day. It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the man catches a fish.

As they’re driving home they’re really depressed. One guy turns to the other and says, “Do you realise that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred bucks?” The other says, “Wow! Then it’s a good thing we didn’t catch any more!”