Sunday, February 23, 2025
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Blind Man Parachuting Jokes Times

A blind man was describing his favourite sport, parachuting.

When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him: “I am placed in the door with my seeing eye dog and told when to jump.

My hand is placed on my release ring for me and out I go with the dog.”

“But how do you know when you are going to land?” he was asked. “I have a very keen sense of smell, and I can smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from the ground” he answered.

“But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground?” he was again asked. He quickly answered: “Oh, the dog’s leash goes slack.”

What You Did Today Jokes Times

One afternoon a man came home from work to find total mayhem in his house.

His three children were outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard. The door of his wife’s car was open, as was the front door to the house.

Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she may be ill, or that something serious had happened.

He found her lounging in the bedroom, still curled in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went.

He looked at her bewildered and asked, “What happened here today?”

She again smiled and answered, “You know every day when you come home from work and ask me what in the world I did today?”

“Yes” was his incredulous reply.

She answered, “Well, today I didn’t do it.”

Three Ducks Jokes Times

A guy walks into a bar holding three ducks.

He sets them on the bar and orders a drink. After talking with the bartender for a while, the man excuses himself to use the restroom. The bartender feel a tad awkward with just himself and three ducks at the bar, so he decides to make small talk with them.

He asks the first duck, “What’s your name?”

“Huey,” replies the duck.

“So, how’s your day been?”

“Oh, I’ve had a great day,” replies Huey.

“I’ve been in and out of puddles all day.”

The bartender asks the second duck, “What’s your name?”

“Duey,” replies the duck.

“So, how’s your day been?”

“Oh, I’ve had a great day,” replies Duey.

“I’ve been in and out of puddles all day.”

The witty bartender says to the third duck, “So I guess your name is Louie?”

The duck replies, “No, I’m Puddles.”

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I was in Love Jokes Times

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, “You know, I was a fool when I married you.”

The husband replied, “Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn’t notice.”

Three Nurses Jokes TImes

Three nurses went to heaven, and were awaiting their turn with St. Peter to plead their case to enter the pearly gates.

The first nurse said, “I worked in an emergency room. We tried our best to help patients, even though occasionally we did lose one. I think I deserve to go to heaven.” St. Peter looks at her file and admits her to heaven.

The second nurse says, “I worked in an operating room. It’s a very high stress environment and we do our best. Sometimes the patients are too sick and we lose them, but overall we try very hard.” St. Peter looks at her file and admits her to heaven.

The third nurse says, “I was a case manager for an HMO.”
St. Peter looks at her file. He pulls out a calculator and starts punching away at it furiously, constantly going back to the nurse’s file. After a few minutes St. Peter looks up, smiles, and says, “Congratulations! You’ve been admitted to heaven … for five days!”

Daddy Longlegs Spider Jokes Times

A father watched his daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and innocent his little girl was. Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her and noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.

“Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?” she asked. “They’re mating,”her father replied.

“What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?” she asked.

“That’s a Daddy Longlegs.” Her father answered.

“So, the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?” the little girl asked.

“No,” her father replied. “Both of them are Daddy Longlegs.”

The little girl thought for a moment, then took her foot and stomped them flat.

“Well, that might be OK in California, BUT we’re not having any of that crap in Texas”

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