Don’t you wish when life is bad and things just don’t compute that all we really had to do was stop and hit reboot?
Things would all turn out ok life could be so sweet if we had those special keys ctrl and alt delete
Your boss is mad, your bills not paid, your wife, well she’s just mute. Just stop and hit those wonderful keys that make it all reboot.
You’d like to have another job you fear living in the street? You solve it all and start anew ctrl and alt delete.
A mother and her very young son were flying Southwest Airlines fromKansas City to Chicago. The little boy (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, “If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big airplanes have baby airplanes?”
The mother (who couldn’t think of an answer) told her son to ask the stewardess.
So the boy went down the aisle and asked the stewardess. Thestewardess, who was very busy at the time, smiled and said, “Did your Mom tell you to ask me?”
The boy said, “yes she did.”
“Well, then, you go and tell your mother that there are no baby airplanes because Southwest always pulls out on time. Have your Mom explain that to you.”
A little guy gets on a plane and sits next to the window. A few minutes later, a big, heavy, strong, mean-looking, hulking guy plops down in the seat next to him and immediately falls asleep.
The little guy starts to feel a little airsick, but he’s afraid to wake the big guy up to ask if he can go to the bathroom. He knows he can’t climb over him, and so the little guy is sitting there, looking at the big guy, trying to decide what to do.
Suddenly, the plane hits an air pocket and an uncontrollable wave of nausea passes through the little guy. He can’t hold it in any longer and he throws up all over the big guy’s chest.
About five minutes later the big guy wakes up, looks down, and sees the vomit all over him.
“So,” says the little guy, “are you feeling better now?”
Farmer John had just walked into the local watering hole, when who should he see, but his old friend Chris the tractor salesman sitting up at the bar.
Chris looked so down and dejected, that John just had to go up and say something to him. “Say, Chris, how ya doing? How’s the tractor selling business these days?”
If Chris had looked sad before, at the mention of tractor sales, his face sank even more, and a tear came to his eye.
“John,” he said, shaking his head, “I don’t know what it is. I can’t sell a tractor these days to save my life. I’ll tell you, I just gotta sell one tractor and soon, or else I’ll lose that dealership for good.”
“Well,” John said, taking the barstool next to him, “If you think you got it bad, I got it worse. Now you listen to this….” “I went out to the barn the other morning to milk Bessy. That ol’ cow gets more ornery as the years go by.
Anyway, no sooner did I sit down on the milking stool and get to work, but ol’ Bes starts a slappin’ me with her tail. After a minute or so, I got fed up with it, so I threw a rope up over the rafters, and tied ol’ Bessy’s tail to the rafters.
Then I got back to work.” “I didn’t even get two squirts into the bucket, when Bes gives me a kick. Knocked me clean off the stool! Boy, did that upset me! So I get me another rope an’ tie Bessy’s right hind leg to the side of the milking stall, and get a started trying to milk her again.”
“Well by this time, Bessy’s about livid, and she doesn’t want any part of it, so she let’s me have it with her other hind leg. I wasn’t about to give in to this ol’ cow, so I got me yet another piece of rope and tied up Bessy’s left leg to the other side of the stall.”
Just then John paused to take a sip his beer. Chris, distracted for a moment from his own troubles, asked John, “Well, did you finally get to milk her?” “Well, yes and no, Chris. But I’ll tell ya what… If you can convince my wife that I was out there to MILK that cow, I’ll BUY a tractor from ya….!”
My left nipple is bigger than my right one. I call my good nipple, “the right nipple”.
Three men are about to be executed for crimes. Two guards bring the first man forward, and the executioner asks if he has any last requests. He says no, and the executioner shouts, “Ready… Aim…” Suddenly the first man yells, “Earthquake!” Everyone is startled and lie flat on the floor. During this time, the first man that was suppose to be executed, free himself and ran away.
After the commotion, the executioner then realise that the man had escaped and they are unable to find him. So he proceed to execution. The guards bring in the second man. The executioner asks if he has any last request, and he replies no. The executioner then shouts “Ready… Aim…” Suddenly, the second man screams, “Tornado!” Yet again, everyone is startled and lie flat onto the ground and protect themselves. During this time, the second man also free himself and ran away.
Soon after the commotion, the executioner realise again that the second man had escaped and they are unable to find him. So he proceed with the execution again. The guards then bring in the third man. The executioner asks if he has any last request, and he replies no. The executioner then shouts “Ready… Aim…” Suddenly, the third man shouts, “FIRE!”
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