White Hair

Jun 4, 2021

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One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.

She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, “Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?”

Her mother replied, “Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.”

The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, “Momma, how come ALL of grandma’s hairs are white?”

Excited Gorilla

Jun 4, 2021

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It’s a beautiful warm spring day and a man and his wife are at the zoo.

She’s wearing a cute, loose-fitting, pink spring dress, sleeveless wth straps.

As they walk through the ape exhibit and pass in front of a very large gorilla, the gorilla goes ape. He jumps up on the bars, holding on with one hand (and 2 feet), grunting and pounding his chest with the free hand.

He is obviously excited at the pretty lady in the sheer dress. The husband, noticing the excitement, suggests that his wife tease the poor fellow. He tells her to pucker her lips, wiggle her bottom, and flirt with the ape.

She does and the gorilla gets even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead. Then the husband suggests that she let one of her straps fall; she does, and the gorilla is so excited, he’s just about to tear the bars down.

The husband then suggests that the wife lift her dress up above the thighs… this drives the gorilla absolutely crazy. Then, quickly the husband grabs his wife by the hair, rips open the door to the cage, slings her in with the gorilla and says, “Now, tell him you have a headache.”

High Urinals

Jun 4, 2021

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A group of Kentucky second, third, and fourth graders, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to Churchill Downs, the famous Louisville race track, to see and learn about thoroughbred horses.

When it was time to take the children to the bathroom, it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other.

The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men’s room when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal. Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their pants, and began hoisting the boys up, one by one, holding onto their “wee-wees” to direct the flow away from their clothes.

As she lifted one, she couldn’t help but notice that he was unusually well endowed. Trying not to show that she was staring, the teacher said, “You must be in the fourth grade.”

He replied, “No, ma’am, I’m riding Silver Arrow in the 7th race today.

Sunday Afternoon Quickie

Jun 4, 2021

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The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their 8-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a popsicle and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities. He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation.

“There’s a car being towed from the parking lot,” he shouted. A few moments passed.

“An ambulance just drove by.”

A few moments later, “Looks like the Anderson’s have company,” he called out. “Matt’s riding a new bike.”

A few moments later, “Looks like the Sanders are moving.” “Jason is on his skate board.”

A few more moments, “The Coopers are having sex.”

Startled, his mother and dad shot up in bed. Dad cautiously called out, “How do you know they are having sex?”

“Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a popsicle too.”

Microsoft Technician at Shooting Range

Jun 4, 2021

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Microsoft Technician at Shooting Range Jokes Times

It was decided by Microsoft during a brilliant brainstorming session that military service would improve the skills and discipline of their finest technician. So off to boot camp he went.

At the rifle range, he was given some instruction, a rifle, and bullets. He fired several shots at the target. The report came from the target area that all attempts had completely missed the target.

The Microsoft tech looked at his rifle and then at the target again. “Hmmm.,” he thought, “I’ll get to the bottom of this in no time.”

He looked at the rifle again, and then at the target again. He pointed his still loaded rifle at the ground in front of him and fired. A cloud of dust kicked up, and a little dimple was left there in the dust.

“Yep, it’s working,” he concluded.

The technician yelled out to the others at the target end, “The rifle is in working order, and the bullet seems to be leaving this end just fine. The trouble must be at your end!”

Dynamite Body

Jun 4, 2021

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A physically large guy meets a woman at a bar, and after a number of drinks, they agree to go back to his place.

As they are making out in the bedroom, ready for the act, he stands up and starts to undress.

After he takes his shirt off, he flexes his muscular arms and says, “See there, baby? That’s 1000 pounds of Dynamite!” She begins to drool.

The man drops his pants, strikes a bodybuilder’s pose, and says, referring to his bulging legs, “See those, baby? That’s 1000 pounds of dynamite!” She is aching for action at this point.

Finally, he drops his underpants, and she grabs her purse and runs screaming to the front door.

He catches her before she is able to run out the door, and asks, “Why are you in such a hurry to leave?”

She replies, “With 2000 pounds of dynamite, and such a short fuse, I was afraid you were about to blow!”