“Do you think when a crooked cop is having sex with his wife, he yells out, “Stop Resisting”?
Crooked Cop
Dictionary of Dating
ATTRACTION – the act of associating horniness with a particular person.
LOVE AT 1st SIGHT – what occurs when two extremely horny, but not entirely choosy people meet.
DATING – the process of spending enormous amounts of money, time, and energy to get better acquainted with a person whom you don’t especially like in the present and will learn to like a lot less in the future.
BIRTH CONTROL – avoiding pregnancy through such tactics as swallowing special pills, inserting a diaphragm, using a condom, and dating repulsive men.
EASY – a term used to describe a woman who has the sexual morals of a man.
EYE CONTACT – a method utilized by a single woman to communicate to a man that she is interested in him. Despite being advised to do so, many woman have difficulty looking a man directly in the eyes, not necessarily due to the shyness, but usually due to the fact that a woman’s eyes are not located in her chest.
FRIEND – a member of the opposite sex in your acquaintance who has some flaw which makes sleeping with him/her totally unappealing.
INDIFFERENCE – a woman’s feeling towards a man, which is interpreted to by the man as “playing hard to get.”
INTERESTING – a word a man uses to describe a woman who lets him do all the talking.
IRRITATING HABIT – what the endearing little qualities that initially attract two people to each other turn into after a few months together.
LAW OF RELATIVITY – how attractive a given person appears to be is directly proportionate to how unattractive your date is.
NYMPHOMANIAC – a man’s term for a woman who wants to have sex more often than he does.
SOBER – a condition in which it is almost impossible to fall in love
Sex Change Operation
This poor guy went to hospital for a circumcision, but because of a mix up, he ended up having a complete sex change.
All the doctors and nurses had gathered around his bed as he was waking up so they could give him the bad news.
Naturally, the poor guy went to pieces and started crying when they explained what had happened to him.
“Damn!” he moaned, “this means I’ll never be able to experience an erection ever again!”
“Of course you will,” one of the doctors soothed. It’ll just have to be someone else’s, that’s all.”
In The Beautiful South Pacific
On a group of beautiful deserted tropical islands in the middle of nowhere, the following people are suddenly stranded by, as you might expect, a shipwreck:
2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman
2 French men and 1 French woman
2 German men and 1 German woman
2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman
2 English men and 1 English woman
2 Bulgarian men and 1 Bulgarian woman
2 Japanese men and 1 Japanese woman
2 Chinese men and 1 Chinese woman
2 American men and 1 American woman
2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman
One month later on these same absolutely, stunningly beautiful desert (and deserted) Islands in the middle of nowhere, the following things have occurred:
One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman
The 2 French men and the French woman are living happily together in a menage-a-trois
The 2 German men have a strict weekly schedule of alternating visits with the German woman.
The 2 Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them.
The 2 English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman.
The 2 Bulgarian men took one look at the endless ocean, another long look at the Bulgarian woman, and started swimming…
The 2 Japanese men have faxed Tokyo and are awaiting instructions.
The 2 Chinese men have set up a pharmacy, a liquor store, a restaurant, and a laundromat. And have got the woman pregnant in order to supply employees for the store.
The 2 American men are contemplating the virtues of suicide because the American woman keeps endlessly complaining about her body, the true nature of feminism, how she can do everything they can do, the necessity of fulfillments, the equal division of household chores, how sand and palm trees make her look fat, how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her nicer than they do, how her relationship with her mother is improving, and at least the taxes are low, and it isn’t raining….
The 2 Irish men have divided the Island into North and South and set up a distillery. They do not remember if sex is in the picture, because it gets sort of foggy after the first few liters of coconut whiskey. But they are satisfied because at least the English aren’t having any fun.
A Sex Talk
A teenage girl comes home from school and asks her mother. “Is it true what Rita just told me? Babies come out of the same place where boys put their penises?”
“Yes, dear,” replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and she wouldn’t have to explain it to her daughter.
“But then when I have a baby,” the teenager pondered, “won’t it knock all my teeth out?”
Bull’s Fight
An Arizona cowboy stopped at a local restaurant following a day of drinking and roaming around in Mexico. While sipping his tequila, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful.
He asked the waiter, “What is that you just served?”
The waiter replied, “Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those are bull’s testicles from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy!”
The cowboy, though momentarily daunted, said, “What the heck, I’m on vacation down here! Bring me an order!”
The waiter replied, “I am so sorry senor. There is only one serving per day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early tomorrow and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy!”
The next morning, the cowboy returned, placed his order, and then that evening he was served the one and only special delicacy of the day.
After a few bites, and inspecting the contents of his platter, he called to the waiter and said, “These are delicious, but they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you served yesterday!”
The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, “Si, Senor. Sometimes the bull wins.”
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