One day Frank walks up to his wife Judy and tells her that he thinks she should have bigger breasts. She looks at him and says, “How do you propose I do that?” He looks at her and tells her to take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between her breasts. She looks at him and says, “What good will that do?” He says,” I don’t know but it sure worked on your ass!!”
A user was all confused about why the cursor always moved in the opposite direction from the movement of the mouse. She also complained that the buttons were difficult to depress.
She was very embarrassed when we asked her to rotate the mouse so the tail pointed away from her.
An Annapolis computer science major was given an artificial intelligence assignment for one of his classes. He ended up creating a program where you could have a conversation with your computer based on your IQ level.
To test his program he entered 80 and had a conversation with his Soap Operas. He entered 100 and talked about politics. He entered 150 and talked about nuclear physics.
Just to see what would happen he entered a -50 and the computer bumped and belched and sparked and smoked for a good 10 minutes. When it finally settled down it displayed “On Brave Old Army Team…..”
A little boy and a little girl attended the same school and became friends.
Every day they would sit together to eat their lunch. They discovered that they both brought chicken sandwiches every day! This went on all through the fourth and fifth grades, until one day he noticed that her sandwich wasn’t a chicken sandwich.
He said, “Hey, how come you’re not eating chicken, don’t you like it anymore?”
She said “I love it but I have to stop eating it.” “Why?” he asked. She pointed to her lap and said “Cause I’m starting to grow little feathers down there!”
“Let me see” he said. “Okay” and she pulled up her skirt. He looked and said, “That’s right. You are! Better not eat any more chicken.”
He kept eating his chicken sandwiches until one day he brought peanut butter.
He said to the little girl, “I have to stop eating chicken sandwiches, I’m starting to get feathers down there too!”
She asked if she could look, so he pulled down his pants for her.
She said, “Oh, my God, it’s too late for you! You’ve already got the neck and the gizzards.”
A blind man was describing his favorite sport, parachuting. When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were alldone for him:
“I am placed in the door and told when to jump”
“My hand is placed on my release ring for me, and out I go”
“But how do you know when you are going to land?” he was asked.
“I have a very keen sense of smell and I can smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from the ground” he answered.
“But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground?” he was again asked.
He quickly answered “Oh, the dog’s leash goes slack”.
A drill sergeant had just chewed out one of his cadets, and as he was walking away, he turned to the cadet and said, “I guess when I die you’ll come and dance on my grave.”
The cadet replied, “Not me, Sarge…no sir! I promised myself that when I got out of the Army I’d never stand in another line!”
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