My aunt used to tell me there were three kinds of sex in a marriage. There was exciting sex, necessary sex, and hallway sex. “Exciting sex is when you’re first married and you can’t wait to get at each other. Necessary sex is after you’ve been married for seven or eight years and it’s more of a chore than anything else.
Hallway sex is after you’ve been married for thirty or forty years and you pass each other in the hallway and say “Fuck you!”
The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employee’s home phone number and was greeted with a child’s whispered, “Hello?” Feeling putout at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster, the boss asked,”Is your Daddy home?”
“Yes” whispered the small voice.
“May I talk with him?” the man asked.
To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, “No.”
Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, “Is your Mommy there?”
“Yes” came the answer.
“May I talk with her?”
Again, the small voice whispered, “No”
Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home alone,the boss decided he would just leave a message with the person who should be there watching over the child. “Is there any one there besides you?” the boss asked the child.
“Yes” whispered the child, “a policeman.”
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee’s home, the boss asked,”May I speak with the policeman?”
“No he’s busy” said the little voice.
“Busy doing what?” asked the boss.
“Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the fireman.” came the whispered answer.
Growing concerned and even worried as he heard the sound of a helicopter through the ear piece on the phone the boss asked, “What is that noise?”
“A hello-copper” answered the whispering voice.
“What is going on there?!” asked the boss, now getting alarmed.
In an awed whispering voice the child answered, “The search team just landed the hello-copper.”
Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little frustrated, the boss asked,”What are they searching for?!”
Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle, “Me!”
Memory was something you lost with age
An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano
A web was a spider’s home
A virus was the flu
A CD was a bank account
A hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And if you had a 3 inch floppy ..
… you just hoped nobody ever found out!!
A lady was in a hardware store looking at a fishing pole. She asked the store manger how much it was. He said “I am blind. Drop it on the ground and I’ll tell you.”
She dropped it on the ground. “Aahh, that’s $10.00.” the store manager said. The lady bent down and let a big fart that everyone can heard. But, she really wanted the pole so she picked it up.And went to pay for it.
“That will be $20.00.” the store manager said.
“But you said $10.00!” the lady pondered.
“$10.00 extra for the stink bait and the duck call.” the store manager replied.
There were two Indians and a Cowboy walking along together in the desert when, all of a sudden, one of the Indians took off and ran up a steep hill to the mouth of a cave. He stopped and hollered into the entrance,”Woooooo! Woooooo! and then listened very closely until he heard an answer…”Woooooo! Woooooo!”. He then tore off his clothes and ran into the cave. The Cowboy was puzzled and asked the other Indian what that was all about. “Was that Indian goofy or something?”
“No”, said the other Indian. “It is mating time for us Indians and when you see a cave and holler, “Woooooo! Woooooo!” and get an answer back, that means she is in there waiting for you.”
Well, just about that time the other Indian spotted another cave. He took off, ran to the cave, stopped and hollered, “Woooooo! Woooooo!” When he heard a reply, “Woooooo! Woooooo!” off came his clothes and into the cave he goes. The Cowboy started running around the desert looking for a cave to find these women that the Indians had talked about. Suddenly he looked up and saw this great big cave. He was amazed at the size and thought, “Man! It’s bigger than the caves those Indians found. There must be something special in this cave!”
Well, he darted up the hill at great speed with hopes of grandeur. He got in front of the cave and yelled, “Woooooo! Woooooo!”. He was thrilled when he heard the answering call of “Woooooo! Woooooo!”He quickly took off his clothes. With a happy face he raced into the cave.
The headlines in the next day’s newspaper read: Naked Cowboy Run Over By Freight Train!
An elderly man went to his doctor and said, “Doc, I think I’m getting senile. Several times lately, I have forgotten to zip up.”
“That’s not senility,” replied the doctor. “Senility is when you forget to zip down.”
Prev
