Little Boy on the Bus

Jun 5, 2021

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A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards. The little boy asked why he wore his collar backwards.

The man, who was a priest, said, ‘I am a Father.’

The little boy replied, ‘My Daddy doesn’t wear his collar like that.’

The priest looked up from his book and answered, ”I am the Father of many.’

The boy said, ”My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn’t wear his collar that way!’

The priest, getting impatient, said ‘I am the Father of hundreds’, and went back to reading his book.

The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said, ‘Maybe you should wear a condom and put your pants on backwards instead of your collar.’

The Perfect Husband

Jun 5, 2021

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There are several men in the locker room of a private club after exercising.

Suddenly a cell phone that was on one of the benches rings. A man picks it up and the following conversation ensues:

“Hello?”

“Honey, It’s me. Are you at the club?”

“Yes.”

“Great! I am at the mall 2 blocks from where you are. I saw a beautiful mink coat… It is absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy it?”

“What’s the price?”

“Only $1,500.00”

“Well, OK, go ahead and get, if you like it that much…”

“Ahhh and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2005 models. I saw one I really liked. I spoke with the salesman and he gave me a really good price … and since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year…”

“What price did he quote you?”

“Only $60,000…”

“OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.”

“Great! Before we hang up, something else…”

“What?”

“It might look like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and…I stopped by the real estate agent this morning and I saw the house we had looked at last year. It’s on sale!! Remember? The one with a pool, English Garden, acre of park area, beachfront property…”

“How much are they asking?”

“Only $450,000… a magnificent price, and I see that we have that much in the bank to cover…”

“Well, than go ahead and buy it, but just bid $420,000. OK?”

“OK, sweetie… Thanks! I’ll see you later!! I love you!!!”

“Bye… I do too…”

The man hangs up, closes the phone’s flap and raises his hand while holding the phone and asks to all those present: “Does anyone know who this phone belongs to?”

Engaged!

Jun 5, 2021

1 281

Teacher: I’d like a room, please.

Hotel Receptionist: Single, Sir?

Teacher: Yes, but I am engaged.

The Virgin

Jun 5, 2021

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It’s your first time. As you lie back your muscles tighten. You put him off for awhile searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed as he approaches you. He asks if you’re afraid and you shake your head bravely.

He has had more experience, but it’s the first time his finger has found the right place. He probes deeply and you shiver; your body tenses; but he’s gentle like he promised he’d be. He looks deeply within your eyes and tells you to trust him– he’s done this many times before.

His cool smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him more room for an easy entrance. You begin to lead and beg him to hurry, but he slowly takes his time, wanting to cause you as little pain as possible. As he presses closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give way; pain surges throughout your body and you feel the slight trickle of blood as he continues.

He looks at you concerned and asks you if it’s too painful. Your eyes are filled with tears but you shake you head and nod for him to go on. He begins moving in and out with skill but you are now too numb to feel him within you.

After a few frenzied moments, you feel something bursting within you and he pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad to have it over. He looks at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a chuckle; that you have been his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience.

You smile and thank your dentist. After all, it was your first time to have a tooth pulled.

Do What He Says

Jun 5, 2021

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An escaped convict broke into a house and tied up a young couple who had been sleeping in the bedroom.

As soon as he had a chance, the husband turned to his voluptuous young wife, bound-up on the bed in a skimpy nightgown, and whispered, “Honey, this guy hasn’t seen a woman in years. Just cooperate with anything he wants. If he wants to have sex with you, just go along with it and pretend you like it.

Our lives depend on it!”

“Dear,” the wife hissed, spitting out her gag, “I’m so relieved you feel that way, because he just told me he thinks you have a really nice, tight-looking ass!”

A Strange Jigsaw Puzzle

Jun 5, 2021

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Paddy gets a phone call from Murphy, “Paddy, I’ve got a problem.” says Murphy

“What’s the matter?” replies Paddy.

“I’ve bought a jigsaw and it’s too hard. None of the pieces fit together, and I can’t find any edges.” Said Murphy.

“What’s the picture of?” asks Paddy.

“It’s of a big rooster,” Murphy replies.

Paddy says, “Alright, Murphy, I’ll come over and have a look.”

He gets to Murphy’s house and Murphy opens the door. “Oh thanks for coming Paddy.” He leads Paddy into the kitchen and show him the jigsaw on the kitchen table.

Paddy looks at the jigsaw, then turns to Murphy and says, “For God’s sake Murphy, put the cornflakes back in the packet.”