A little kid asks his father, “Daddy, is God a man or a woman?”
“Both son. God is both.”
After a while the kid comes again and asks, “Daddy, is God black or white?”
“Both son, both.”
The child returns a few minutes later and says, “Daddy, is Michael Jackson God?”
I was in the airport VIP lounge in route to Seattle a couple of weeks ago. While in there, I noticed Bill Gates sitting comfortably in the corner, enjoying a drink.
I was meeting a very important client who was also flying to Seattle, but she was running a little bit late.
Well, being a straightforward kind of guy, I approached the Microsoft chairman, introduced myself, and said, “Mr. Gates, I wonder if you would do me a favor.”
“Yes?”
“I’m sitting right over there,” pointing to my seat at the bar, “and I’m waiting on a very important client. Would you be so kind when she arrives as to come walk by and just say, ‘Hi, Ray,’?”
“Sure.”
I shook his hand and thanked him and went back to my seat.
About ten minutes later, my client showed up. We ordered a drink and started to talk business.
A couple of minutes later, I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was Bill Gates.
“Hi, Ray,” he said.
I replied, “Get lost Gates, I’m in a meeting.”
Two senior couples are walking along, wives in front, husband in the back.
Herb says to Sam, “Gee, we went to a new restaurant last night and had the best meal ever. Good prices too.”
Sam say, “Well, we like to eat out too. What was the name of the restaurant?”
Herb says’ “You’ll going to have to help me out a little. What’s the name of the pretty flower, smell sweet, grows on the thorny bush?”
Sam says, “How about rose?”
“Yes, yes, that’s it!” cries Herb, then calls ahead to his wife. “Rose. Hey, Rose. What was the name of the restaurant we ate at last night?”
My aunt used to tell me there were three kinds of sex in a marriage. There was exciting sex, necessary sex, and hallway sex. “Exciting sex is when you’re first married and you can’t wait to get at each other. Necessary sex is after you’ve been married for seven or eight years and it’s more of a chore than anything else.
Hallway sex is after you’ve been married for thirty or forty years and you pass each other in the hallway and say “Fuck you!”
The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employee’s home phone number and was greeted with a child’s whispered, “Hello?” Feeling putout at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster, the boss asked,”Is your Daddy home?”
“Yes” whispered the small voice.
“May I talk with him?” the man asked.
To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, “No.”
Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, “Is your Mommy there?”
“Yes” came the answer.
“May I talk with her?”
Again, the small voice whispered, “No”
Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home alone,the boss decided he would just leave a message with the person who should be there watching over the child. “Is there any one there besides you?” the boss asked the child.
“Yes” whispered the child, “a policeman.”
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee’s home, the boss asked,”May I speak with the policeman?”
“No he’s busy” said the little voice.
“Busy doing what?” asked the boss.
“Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the fireman.” came the whispered answer.
Growing concerned and even worried as he heard the sound of a helicopter through the ear piece on the phone the boss asked, “What is that noise?”
“A hello-copper” answered the whispering voice.
“What is going on there?!” asked the boss, now getting alarmed.
In an awed whispering voice the child answered, “The search team just landed the hello-copper.”
Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little frustrated, the boss asked,”What are they searching for?!”
Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle, “Me!”
Memory was something you lost with age
An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano
A web was a spider’s home
A virus was the flu
A CD was a bank account
A hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And if you had a 3 inch floppy ..
… you just hoped nobody ever found out!!
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